Ashes

“So, now there are two?” Dani asked quietly, her voice hoarse with fear.



“Yes.”



“Is this Isla also an Elder? What can she do?”



“We don’t know,” Chris answered. “We didn’t ask Devon yet.”



“Piss me off,” Cassie mumbled, ignoring the twinge that pulled at her heart as hurt and jealousy reared their ugly heads once more.



“How are you feeling?” Chris inquired, obviously eager to change the conversation.



Cassie shrugged absently. “I’ll be fine.” She turned swiftly away from the window, unable to stand the silence of the night anymore. “I’m going to go to sleep,” she lied, knowing that there would be no sleep until Devon arrived, safe and sound. Knowing she would not sleep until he answered some of the many questions swirling rapidly through her mind.



“Cassie.” Chris stood swiftly, his stool sliding out from under him. She turned slowly back to him, feeling like a wooden marionette. Chris stared silently back at her, his eyes troubled and sad. “I’m going to stay on the couch tonight.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand, silencing her. “My mom will be fine for one night, she’s already home.”



Cassie nodded slowly. She fled from the room before the tears that burned her eyes fell. She had already cried once tonight, she would not do so again. Racing up the stairs, she closed the door, leaning heavily against it as she tried to breathe evenly, as she struggled to keep control of her tumultuous emotions.



Before she had met Devon she had never cried, she had never been emotional. But ever since he had walked into her life, she had been a basket case, unsettled and rattled. Devon had shaken her to the very core of her foundations, breaking through the walls that had kept her separated from her emotions, most humans, and pain.



Only Chris and Melissa had known who and what she was, though they had never been able to truly reach her. Never been able to get her to truly live again, once the knowledge of what she was had completely shut her down. But Devon had changed all that. He had shattered her walls, torn into her heart, and ripped into her soul to bring her back to life.



For the first time in years she had allowed herself to trust again, and she was terrified that that trust had been misplaced. Terrified that this wonderful reprieve she was experiencing with life, and hopes, and dreams, was ruined. She was terrified that she would become the lost, walking dead person she had been before. And she did not want to be that person again. She did not think she could survive the loss of everything again.



Taking a deep breath, she pushed away from the door, determined to stay in control. There was no point in losing it now when she didn’t know the whole truth. It wouldn’t do either of them any good if she turned into a raving loony. Cassie paced restlessly, flipping the TV on in the hope that it would drown out her thoughts. It didn’t work.



She watched the clock tick the minutes by with excruciating slowness, but still he didn’t come. At eleven she slumped onto the bed. Her nervous energy was no longer enough to keep her exhausted, wounded body moving. Drawing her legs up to her chest, she rested her chin on her knees as her thoughts turned even more troublesome.



What if he didn’t come to her tonight? What if seeing Isla reminded him of what he was missing? Of what she could never be? What if he decided that Isla was what he truly wanted in a woman, and that she was just a dull comparison?



Cassie bit down on her trembling bottom lip. She would not cry. She would not. He would come, she told herself. Though she tried to reassure herself of this, doubt kept rearing its ugly head. Isla had managed to plant a field of uncertainty in her.



A subtle shifting of the shadows snapped her head around. A cry of delight rose up in her throat; it strangled and died before she could release it. Devon sat outside her window, his emerald eyes eerily bright in the light of the half moon. Cassie could only stare at him, unable to move as she was captured by the mesmerizing beauty of him. She wasn’t sure she was ready to hear the answers to her questions, and she certainly wasn’t ready for their relationship to end tonight, if that was what it came down to.



Gathering the last dregs of her remaining strength, she forced herself up from the bed. Though the window was unlocked, she knew that he would not come in unless she let him in. She stopped at the window, her hands shaking, her heart pounding. Sliding the window up, she stepped slowly back to allow him access.



He hesitated for a moment before slipping as silently as a wraith inside. Her breath hitched, her fingers itched, and it took all she had not to fling herself into his arms. He was the one that she sought out for comfort and protection. The one that she took solace in when she wanted to shut out the rest of the world. Now, he was the one that she wanted to shut out, or at least she wanted to shut his past out.



There was a fierce hope in his eyes, such a ferocious need that she almost caved. She almost flung herself into his arms as she lost herself to the love, comfort, and shelter that he offered. But she could not do that. She could not continue to be an ostrich with her head stuck in the sand when it came to him.



She had been avoiding his past for too long, and tonight it had nearly cost them all their lives. She could no longer plead ignorance, for to do so may very well be the death of one of them. No, no matter how much it hurt, and no matter how much she did not want to hear it, she was finally going to hear it. She was going to be strong again, not the weakling that she had become. She was going to be strong, and she was going to learn everything she could about him. And it was going to be painful, she was certain of that.



She opened her mouth and popped out the first question that came to mind. “Who is Annabelle?”



CHAPTER 18



Devon closed his eyes, his hands twitched at his sides. He had known that this was coming, that she would want answers, that one day she would wonder about his past. He had just hoped that it would be under better circumstances. He had just wished that it would not happen when she had that hurt, lost look in her lovely eyes.



Pain and confusion radiated from her, beating at him with the force of a tsunami. He wanted nothing more than to take hold of her, pull her close, and ease the anguish that he had caused her. But he knew that she didn’t want his touch now, that she couldn’t handle it. He could not make the first move here; she would have to come to him. He just wasn’t sure if she would come to him when he was done.



He was going to cause her more hurt before this night was over, and there was nothing he could do about it. He was going to kill Isla and Julian when he saw them again. He would make sure that they paid for wounding her in such a way. Her physical pain had been nothing compared to the emotional chaos radiating from her. Her physical wounds would heal; he was not sure the emotional ones would.



Taking a deep breath, Devon slowly opened his eyes. He had fed well due to the toll that this night had put on him, but he was not sure it had been enough. This was going to be much more draining then the fight earlier. Her misty eyes held his, the startling violet in them standing out vividly to his heightened sense of sight.



How did he tell her who Annabelle was without driving her further away? Without increasing the doubt and lack of self confidence that she radiated now? Taking a deep breath, he decided to just plunge in; putting it off any longer would only cause her anxiety to grow.



“Annabelle was a woman that I was in love with.”



She inhaled sharply, biting into her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. Devon winced for her, it was not her physical pain, for she did not feel that, but he could feel the twisting emotional agony that wrenched through her. She did not flinch though; her eyes did not even flicker. She remained as still as stone, only four feet away from him, though it suddenly seemed like miles.



“Or at least I had thought I was.”



She released her bottom lip. His eyes latched onto the drop of blood that quivered on her mouth. This was not the time or place, and although he had glutted himself, he could not stop the thrill that shot through him. The need. If she sent him out of here tonight it would destroy him, but if she didn’t…



Well, if she didn’t, he may well destroy them both.



He didn’t know which was worse.



Then he met her unwavering gaze again, and he knew. He could keep control of himself for her; he could do anything for her. He could stay by her side, for to lose her would be far worse than the ninth circle of hell. Yes, though it was the hardest thing he would ever do, he would stay by her. If she would still have him.



Fear tore through him. He may lose her, but he could not lie to her. Not about this.



“What happened?” she asked softly.



“I happened.” Confusion marred her brow. “Maybe you should sit.”



She frowned at him, but she turned toward her bed and moved stiffly forward. She stopped before it, but did not sit. Instead, she turned back to him, hugging herself tightly. She seemed to simply have forgotten to sit as she watched him closely, her eyes weary and lost. In fact, she seemed to simply have wanted more space from him.



The subtle shifting of the trees outside cast shadows over her face and hair, hugging her lithe body. He stared at her for a long moment, his heart hammering with the fear that he may never be welcome in this room again, may never be able to hold her and love her again. “Go on,” she said softly.



Devon sighed as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, he tugged on it as he began to pace. “Annabelle was a simple farm girl when I met her.”



“When did you meet her?” Cassie interrupted, her voice soft but carrying a steel edge of resolve.



He stopped pacing to face her. “Over a hundred and fifty years ago.”



Her eyes widened as she swiftly made the connection to the time when he had stopped feeding on, and killing, humans. Turmoil spun through her eyes, her hands clenched tighter upon her arms as her breath froze. “I see.”



Her voice was choked, her eyes distant. He could see the swift retreat she made from him, the walls she slammed into place to keep herself sheltered from hurt, and pain. To keep sheltered from life. He was looking at the woman that he had originally met, the girl who had avoided life. This was the girl who had kept herself locked away from the world in order to keep herself from experiencing the pain she had originally experienced with the harsh truth about the death of her parents, the monsters of the world, and the knowledge of what she truly was. She retreated swiftly behind her walls before he could shatter everything that she was.



Desperation seized hold of him. He could not be the one that drove her behind that wall of hopelessness and despair again as she simply waited to die. “Annabelle was the oldest of seven children, a good girl who helped her mother take care of her younger siblings. I met her at a barn dance in Iowa.



“She was young, beautiful, and so very innocent and sweet.” Cassie shuddered, her head bowed as she squeezed her eyes shut. Devon clenched his teeth, his hands fisted at his sides as he realized that he had just described Cassie. He rushed heedlessly on, knowing that his next words might drive her even further away, but he had to get them out.



“And I wanted to destroy all of that.”



Her head shot up, her eyebrows drew tightly together as she frowned at him. “I don’t understand.”



No, there was no way that she could understand what he had once been. He did not want her to, not completely anyway. “I was a different person back then Cassie. I wasn’t even a person. I was a monster. I lived to kill, to destroy. I lived for the thrill of the hunt and the game.”



“Game?”



He sighed. “Yes, it was all a game to me, and Annabelle was perfect for it. She had no idea about the cruelty of the world, no idea of the pain that lurked within the shadows. Annabelle was sweet and she was in love with Liam, a boy just like her. And I wanted nothing more than to ruin that love. I wanted her for myself, simply because I could not have her. At first I tried to seduce her, tried to lure her away like I could with any other woman. She refused my advances, which only increased my interest, my intensity for her.



“I convinced myself that I was in love with her. That I would never be happy without her. I became obsessed with her, and the challenge that she represented. I was used to getting whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, and I was going to have her.”



Cassie stared out the window; the tips of her lashes were silvery in the moonlight. Her delicate jaw was set firmly, her nostrils flared slightly. Though she remained unmoving, he could feel the sorrow she radiated. “So what did you do?” she asked quietly.



“I spent a month trying to lure her away from Liam, but she was having none of it. Her mind and heart were filled with dreams of their future, their children, and their happiness. I hated him for it, and I was going to demolish it. No matter what it took.” She looked back at him, her eyes questioning but distant. “When it became apparent that she would have none of me, I took her by force.”