“The night I slept with Markus Grammer as you,” Jess said. “Cal came to check on me after he helped Sully put you to bed.”

It was my turn to blush.

The caveman fantasy.

The first time Sully took me, wearing his masks and telling his lies.

I’d fallen that night and never gotten off my knees.

Sully, goddamn you, wake up!

“Elixir hadn’t quite finished with me.” She laughed, only to stop suddenly, wincing at the pain no doubt in her lower belly. In her womb that no longer existed thanks to fucking Drake.

“Hey, it’s okay, you can tell me later,” I rushed. “Focus on yourself instead of—”

“I kissed him when he tried to tuck me into bed.” Her eyes glowed with pure affection as she glanced at Cal. “He didn’t kiss me back, but...it got him thinking.”

“You were high,” Cal muttered.

“I wanted you.”

“Elixir wanted me.”

“No...I did.” She looked at their joined hands. “Every guest. Every Euphoria session...I was with you. When you didn’t notice me, I figured I might as well make everyone else happy because that way...maybe I could make you happy. Maybe we could all be happy.” She flicked me a glance. “Maybe I could make Sullivan happy so he’d give me the opportunity to sleep with the one guy who I actually wanted and to be his equal.”

Her motivation.

Her hidden agenda.

So much simpler than her sinister plots that I feared. The age-old fatalistic hope of matchmaking in order to find her own freedom.

“You’re a brave, brave woman, Jess.” I smiled.

She blushed. “Just stubborn.”

I pushed away tears that still leaked, attempting a joke. “And to think I ever suspected your motives.”

“Well, I was rather persuasive.” She grinned but then turned serious. “I knew how you were feeling when you first arrived because I was feeling it too. You wanted Sully, but he kept refusing you. I wanted Cal, but he didn’t see me. I figured...if I could help, then someone might help me.”

Cal stood and bent over her.

He kissed her hard.

Hard enough to make the heart monitor spike and Dr Campbell to growl from the next room. “Get your tongue out of her mouth, Moor.”

Cal pulled away, his nose nudging hers in sweet affection. “I see you now, woman. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Once again, the intimacy in the room was a dagger to my heart.

It took a mallet to my legs and swept them from under me.

I tripped and rubbed at my chest.

The craving to be next to Sully cracked my bones with need.

I needed to touch him, kiss him, murmur to him, even if he couldn’t reciprocate.

“I...I—” I choked on a sob and swallowed hard. “I’m unbelievably happy for you guys, but...I have to go.”

Jess looked tired, her body no longer willing to ignore her injuries. “I’m so sorry, Eleanor. He’ll wake up...you’ll see.”

“Uh-huh.” Blind with tears, I backed toward the door.

Cal stood as if to help me, but I held up my hand. If anyone touched me right now, I’d scream. The urge to bolt fizzled down my legs, but a single question drilled into my head. Loud enough to stop my tears and freeze my heart.

I halted.

I locked Jess in a stare. “Can I ask you something?”

She shivered but nodded. “Of course.”

“When you were sleeping...what was it like?”

Cal turned to face me, his features stern and tight.

Jess took her time answering, knowing why I asked and deliberating on any help she could give me. “It was like...a long dream. I wasn’t aware of the outside world, but I knew I was dreaming. For a while I was on the beach, just standing there. The sun rose and the sun set, but I couldn’t move. My skin burned from exposure, and a magnifying glass concentrated the rays onto my belly where it burned a hole right through me. I remember looking down and seeing the ocean turning red with my blood.” Her face clouded over. “Dark things happened after that. Things I don’t really want to discuss and will work on forgetting, but it wasn’t a nice place. I was back with my parents and the uncle who...anyway.” She shook herself and clutched the sheet. “I’m sure each person is different. Some might be in a dream. Some might be in heaven for a time. Some might be in limbo and not remember a thing. Don’t take my experience as something Sullivan might be enduring.”

I shivered, saving what she said to comb over and dissect later. For now, I needed to know another important thing. More important than all the rest. “And how did you wake up? Was it a choice? What sent you back?”

She waited for a moment, her thoughts flittering over her pretty face before she said softly, “The dream ended, and whiteness wrapped around me. And I just knew. Go left and I’d travel to whatever came next. Go right and...I’d be given a second chance.”

“So, you made the choice to wake up?”

She nodded but then backpedalled when she saw my face crumple. “But, Jinx...it might not be that way for everybody. He might not have a choice. He might not be aware he’s even alive—”

I bolted.

I ran all the way back to Nirvana and bowled through Sully’s villa not caring that I woke Louise on her cot by the deck.

I didn’t stop until I slammed my hands on either side of Sully’s head and pressed my fists into his pillow. Rage poured through me. Injustice and fatigue and thwarted tangled love.

With my lips hovering over his, I growled, “Make the choice, Sully. Make the damn choice and return to me.”

His eyes didn’t open.

My anger boomeranged into me, making me bleed. “Please, Sully. Come back to me. I’m begging you.”

My plea fell into a void.

Tumbling like a copper penny to plink into an empty well.

A spent wish that would never come true.

I fell to my knees and cried.

* * * * *

Sully didn’t wake.

Not that night or the next night or the week after.

By week four of his excruciating silence, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I needed off the island. I needed some space to scream or sob. I needed to be free from the twitchy hope that he might wake up followed by the dismal darkness when he didn’t.

As the sun broke through the rainclouds that’d drenched the island in a thunderstorm last night, I summoned Pika to stop harassing the sparrows on the bird table outside Sully’s bedroom and plucked Skittles from her place on my pillow.

Today, two things were going to happen.

One, my special friend would fly again, and two, I was leaving this mausoleum and embracing life.

Carrying Skittles into the bathroom, I glanced at Nirvana as it spilled its crystal droplets into the clear pool. My skin often craved the coolness of its waters, but I hadn’t had a swim. Yet another thing I couldn’t do because I’d done it with Sully, and I didn’t want to colour over our memories together with ones only of me.

“Sit still,” I commanded as I turned on the vanity lights and cast Skittles in illumination. Her green feathers fluffed, and her apricot and black head cocked. But she didn’t move as I carefully grabbed a pair of sharp scissors for personal grooming and concentrated on snipping away her splint.