One by One
I should smile, but I do not feel like smiling. My dress is too tight. I wore Spanx underwear to try to make it fit better, but it is pinching, and my stomach hurts. And the music is too loud.
“Thanks, but I’ve got a headache,” I say. I do not want to tell Topher the truth—that I do not drink alcohol anymore. He might wonder why—what has changed since I left Snoop.
“Oh, you poor thing,” Topher says. “Let me get you something, I’ve got some ibuprofen in my room. Inigo—”
“No, thanks,” I say again. My heart is beating in a weird fluttery way that is making me feel slightly sick. “I don’t want any painkillers. I think I need a glass of water.”
“It’s probably the altitude,” Eva says solicitously. “And the dry air. It’s very easy to get dehydrated up here. You’re so sensible not to drink alcohol.”
Topher frowns at Inigo and jerks his head towards the kitchen. Inigo nods and hurries off. I suppose he has gone to get me water. This feels so wrong. It used to be me Topher barked at. And honestly, I preferred that. I preferred being invisible.
When Inigo comes back, Topher grabs the glass off him and says to the others, “Let’s give Liz some space.” Then he ushers me over to a small sofa where he gestures for me to sit down. I can’t see any way out, so I do. Topher sits beside me, too close, and takes one of my hands.
I feel my sense of panic rise.
I know what he’s going to say.
“Liz, I just wanted to tell you,” he begins.
I look around, panicked. My heart keeps skipping beats. I wonder if I might have some kind of heart defect. Topher is talking about how proud he is of having given me my start, about the way I stood out at the interview, about the contribution I made to Snoop, about our “journey together.”
His words are drowned out by the janglingly loud background music and a weird hissing in my ears. But I don’t need to listen to his words to know what he is really saying.
I stood up for you.
I gave you your chance.
You wouldn’t be here without me.
You owe me.
And he’s right. I know he’s right. That’s the worst thing. Because I’m about to betray all of that.
He’s being so nice that I want to be sick. But at the same time I can smell the booze on his breath and feel the heat of his body shoved up against mine, and all I can think of is my father, lowering over me.
I am about to nervously crack the joints in my fingers when a voice comes into my head unbidden. If you make that disgusting sound one more time…
I flinch, in spite of myself.
“And that makes me so proud,” Topher is finishing.
I have no idea what to say. Before I can come up with anything, there is a high ringing noise from the far side of the foyer. It is Eva’s assistant, Ani. She is wearing a silk dress that looks like it is made of two scarves tied together, and she is standing on her tiptoes and tapping two champagne flutes together. It makes a ting ting ting sound that echoes around the foyer.
Everyone falls quiet, apart from Elliot. He is still speaking to Rik. His deep bass monotone booms around the silent lobby.
“—server problems with the geosnoop rollout, if we can’t—”
Rik nudges Elliot, who looks around. He breaks off midsentence, his face confused.
Beside me, Topher has gone completely stiff, and his expression is taken aback. This must be Eva’s presentation. But it looks as if Topher knew nothing about it.
Suddenly I know what this is. I know what is happening. This is an ambush.
No. That’s not the right word.
This is a coup.
ERIN
Snoop ID: LITTLEMY
Listening to: Offline
Snoopers: 1
Snoopscribers: 1
“Snoopers!” Eva is saying, in a high-pitched, artificially jolly voice. She is standing on the bottom step of the spiral staircase, though she doesn’t need the extra height, and she looks amazing in her flawless cashmere sheath, like a tall flute of champagne. “I know this wasn’t on the agenda, but Ani and I wanted to welcome you all here and begin the week with a few highlights from the Snoop journey, just to remind you all how amazing you are, and how far we’ve come, and what you, all of you, have contributed to the phenomenon that is Snoop. Will you come into the den for a few minutes? You can bring your drinks.”
There is a general shuffling and a weird feeling of electricity in the air that I can’t quite pin down.
Looking around the room, I can see from the reactions of everyone here, and the expressions on their faces, that the group divides into three camps.
First, there is Eva’s little coterie—which seems to comprise Rik and Ani. They knew about this, and were waiting for her cue. They were gathering round even before she made the announcement, and now that she has spoken they look tense, as if ready for battle.
Then there is a middle ground of people who are surprised, but pleasantly so, and looking forward to the diversion with a cheerful obliviousness. That group includes Tiger, Miranda, and the lawyer, Carl. They are picking up their drinks, chatting away, seemingly quite unaware of the tensions flowing around them.
And finally there is Topher’s little group, who are also surprised—but not in a good way. His assistant, Inigo, looks like a kid who has stepped in a dog mess in new shoes and is about to get shouted at by his dad. Techy Elliot is standing in the corner with his arms folded, and he looks mulish. He is tapping his foot and glaring through his glasses like he’s just been bluffed in a poker game. Topher himself has risen from the couch where he was talking to Liz, and he looks positively alarmed. It’s the first time I’ve seen his boyish charm properly ruffled, and I realize that beneath the charisma and the projected confidence, there’s something else. I’m just not sure what. Is his smooth surface hiding a frightened little boy inside? Or is it something very different, more dangerous perhaps? For a minute I think I see a flicker of anger cross his face.
Finally there is Liz. And I am not sure what camp she is in. She doesn’t fit into any of them—but I think she does know what’s going on. Her face is blank, her glasses reflecting the overhead light so that I can’t see her expression. But she doesn’t look happy. In fact she’s got her arms wrapped round herself like she’s fending off a blow.
“Hold on a second, Eva—” Topher says, with an attempt at his customary tone of command, but it’s too late; Eva is ushering the others swiftly into the den, and he has no choice but to follow with Elliot, or get left behind. “Eva, what the f—”
And then the door shuts behind them.
LIZ
Snoop ID: ANON101
Listening to: Offline
Snoopers: 0
Snoopscribers: 0
As Ani ushers us inside, I feel a twinge of panic. The den is small and dark. The windows are covered with blinds. The only light is coming from the doorway, and from a projection of the Snoop logo being beamed onto a blank wall. The image is bright pink, and it turns the faces of the others a strange, cooked color, like hot ham. I settle myself onto a sofa, and as the door swings softly shut, I feel the atmosphere close around me like a fist.
It is an atmosphere I haven’t felt for nearly three years.
Money. Privilege. Ambition.