And for another, she was totally mean to me when I asked her, AGAIN, to pull “No More Corn!” She was like, “Where would we be today if Woodward and Bernstein had asked the Post to pull their story on Watergate? Huh? Where would we be?”
But breaking the Watergate scandal is COMPLETELY different than “No More Corn!” One thing was going to bring down a presidency. The other is going to hurt someone’s feelings. Which is more important?
Whatever. Lilly was just like, “Your piece is the COVER STORY. It’s right there, under Fat Louie’s Pink Butthole. ‘A short story by AEHS’s own princess, Mia Thermopolis.’ I can’t PULL it, not without having to redo the COVER, not to mention the table of contents. I’d have to redesign the cover, then print it, then photocopy a thousand pages ALL OVER AGAIN. I’m NOT doing it. I’m just NOT.”
I told her I’d help her with the photocopying. But she just shook her head.
I can’t believe she’s willing to hurt a friend just because she’s too lazy to stand at the Xerox machine a little longer. And after all the things I’ve done for her, too. Like protecting her fragile mental state from the truth about her parents, and possibly Michael and me.
Sheesh.
Tuesday, March 9, Homeroom
I still can’t believe it. I mean, it’s like Wilma and Fred Flintstone splitting. Or Homer and Marge Simpson. Or Lana Weinberger and Josh Richter.
Well, except I wasn’t bummed when THEY split up.
COUPLES YOU WOULD BE
TOTALLY BUMMED TO FIND OUT
WERE BREAKING UP:
Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr.
Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos
Scooby Doo and Shaggy
Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels
Bruce Springsteen and Patti Scialfa
Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip
Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson
Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick
Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale
Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi
Hermione and Ron
Jay-Z and Beyoncé
Téa Leoni and David Duchovny
Sandy and Kirsten Cohen
Tina Hakim Baba and Boris Pelkowski
My mom and Mr. G
I can’t believe the Moscovitzes are breaking up. I mean, they’re JUNGIAN PSYCHIATRISTS. If they can’t make a relationship work, what hope do the rest of us have?
From the desk of
Her Royal Highness
Princess Amelia Mignonette
Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo
Dear Dr. Carl Jung,
Well, I get it now. I totally get it.
It took me a while. I’ll admit it. But the truth has finally sunk in.
It’s funny how all this time, I thought transcendence would make me happy. You know, that through finally knowing my true self, I’d gain total happiness at last. Boy, did you have me fooled. You must be laughing your butt off up there in heaven or wherever you are. Because you knew, all along, didn’t you? You knew the truth.
And that’s that there is no Jungian tree of self-actualization. There is no transcendence of the ego. The Drs. Moscovitz splitting up just proves this.
The truth is, you’re all alone.
And then you die.
Don’t worry. I get it now.
This is the last letter I’ll be writing to you. Good-bye forever.
Your former friend,
Mia Thermopolis
Tuesday, March 9, U.S. Economics
Marginal utility = the additional satisfaction, or amount of utility, gained from each extra unit of consumption. Marginal utility decreases with each additional increase in the consumption of a good.
In other words, the less you have of something, the more you want it.
A phenomenon with which I am all too familiar.
Tuesday, March 9, English
Mia, are you okay? You look as if you might be coming down with something.
Oh, I’m great, Tina. Just great.
Oh?
Okay, I’m lying. Michael is upset about my sexy dance with J.P. But he’s MORE upset about something that has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Something I can’t tell you. But he’s barely speaking to me. I already sent him a “Sorry” cookie. I don’t know what else to do.
Maybe you shouldn’t do anything else. Boys aren’t like girls, you know, Mia. They don’t like to talk about their feelings. Probably the best thing you can do is just leave Michael alone. Whatever it is, he’ll come around after he’s worked through it. Like Boris and his Bartók.
Do you think so? It’s so hard to just sit here and do nothing! And who doesn’t want to TALK about their feelings????
I know. But that is just how boys are.. They are like freaks of nature.
What are you two talking about?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Oh, right. Nothing, again. Whatever. Look. Lunch. Help me collate?
Of course.
NO!!!! J.P. WILL SEE THE STORY ABOUT HIM!!!! He sits with us at lunch now!
Yeah, what is up with that, anyway? Is this, like, a permanent thing, or just until-the-show-is-over thing?
I think it’s a someone-has-a-crush-on-Mia thing.
WHAT????
You think?