After eating his canned food, Fat Louie likes to stretch out on the carpet in front of the front door. This is a good time to

give him his exercise. When he stretches out, just put your hand under his front legs and straighten them (he likes this) until he bends like a comma. Then dig your thumbs between his shoulder blades and give him a kitty massage. He will purr if you do it right. If you do it wrong you will know because he will bite you.

Fat Louie gets bored very easily and when he gets bored, he walks around crying, so here are some games he likes to play:

• Take some pieces of cat treat and line them up on top of the stereo for Fat Louie to knock of and chase.

• Put Fat Louie in my computer chair and then hide behind the bookshelf and throw one end of a shoelace over the back of the chair so he can't see where it is coming from.

• Make a fort out of pillows on my bed and put Fat Louie inside of it and then stick your hand into any openings between the pillows (I recommend wearing gloves during this game).

• Put some catnip in an old sock and throw it to Fat Louie. Then leave him alone for four to five hours, because catnip makes him a litde free with his claws.

The Litter Box

Mr. Gianini, this one is for you. Mom must not clean out the litter box or touch anything that may have come in contact with it or she might develop toxemia and she or the baby might die or get sick. Always wash your hands in warm, soapy water after changing Fat Louie's litter box, even if you don't think you got anything on your hands.

Fat Louie's box needs to be scooped out every day. Always use clumping litter and then just scoop out the clumps into a Grand Union bag and dispose. Nothing could be simpler. He tends to do number 2 about two hours after his evening meal. You will be able to tell from the odour wafting from his box in my bathroom.

Most Important of All

Remember not to disturb Fat Louie's special area behind the toilet in my bathroom. That is where he keeps his collection

of shiny objects. If he takes something of yours and you find it there, be sure not to take it out while he is looking or for weeks he will try to bite you every time he sees you. I talked to the vet about it, but she said short of hiring an animal behaviourist at $70/hr there is nothing that can be done. We just have to put up with it.

Above all, be sure to pick Fat Louie up several times a day and hug and squeeze him!!!!! (He likes this.)

Saturday, December 12, Midnight, the Loft

I can't believe it's midnight already and I am still only on Chapter One of An Introduction to Algebra!

This book is incomprehensible. I sincerely hope whoever wrote it did not make very much money from it.

I should just go and ask Mr G what's going to be on the Final.

No, that would be cheating.

Wouldn't it?

Sunday, December 13,10 a.m., the Loft

Only forty-eight hours until the Algebra final and I am still on Chapter One.

Sunday, December 13,10:30 a.m., the Loft

Lilly just came over again. She wants to study for World Civ. together. I told her I can't worry about World Civ. when I am only on Chapter One in my Algebra review, but she said we could alternate: she would quiz me on Algebra for an hour - then

I could quiz her on World Civ. for an hour. I said OK, even though it really isn't fair - she is getting an A in Algebra so her quizzing me isn't really helping her any, while my quizzing her in World Civ. helps me study for it too.

But that's what friends are for, I guess.

Sunday, December 13,11 a.m., the Loft

Tina just called. Her little brothers and sisters are driving her crazy. She wanted to know if she could come down and study here. I said sure.

What else could I say? Besides, she promised to stop at H and H for bagels and vegetable cream cheese. And she said she thought the photos of me in the supplement were beautiful and that I shouldn't care if people call me a sellout because I look

so hot.

Sunday, December 13, Noon, the Loft

Michael told Boris where Lilly was, so now Boris is here too.

Lilly's right. Boris really does breathe too loudly. It's very distracting.

And I wish he wouldn't put his feet on my bed. The least he could do is take his shoes off first. But when I suggested it,

Lilly said that would be a bad idea.

Ew. I don't know why Lilly puts up with a boyfriend who is not only a mouth breather but also has stinky feet.

Boris may be a musical genius but he has a lot to learn about hygiene, if you ask me.

Sunday, December 13,12:30 p.m., the Loft

Now Kenny's here. I don't know how I am supposed to get any studying done with all of these people around. Plus Mr. Gianini has decided now would be a good time to practise his drums.

Sunday, December 13, 8 p.m., the Loft

I told Lilly and she agreed that once Boris and Kenny showed up, the whole studying thing kind of went down the drain. Plus Mr. G's drumming didn't help. So we decided it would be best to take a study break and go to Chinatown for dimsum.

We had a good time at Great Shanghai, eating vegetable dumplings and dried sauteed string beans with garlic sauce. I ended

up sitting by Boris and he really made me laugh, engineering it so that whenever the waiters brought something new, the only empty spot on the table was in front of him so they had to put it there, which meant Boris and I got first dibs on it.

This made me realize that in spite of the sweaters and the mouth-breathing, Boris really is a funny and nice person. Lilly is so lucky. I mean, that the boy she loves actually loves her back. If only I could love Kenny the way Lilly loves Boris!