By that time, Lilly was totally fed up with me. She said, “The only reason I’m not mad at you is that tomorrow you are going to tell me every single little detail about it.”
“I am?”
Then I asked a more important question. “Why should you be mad at me?” I really wanted to know.
“Because you gave me exclusive first rights to interview you,” Lilly pointed out. “For Lilly Tells It Like It Is.”
I have no memory of this, but I guess it must be true.
Grandmère, I could see from the ads, had been right about the blue eyeshadow. Which was surprising, because she’s never been right about much else.
TOP FIVE THINGS GRANDMÈRE HAS BEEN WRONG ABOUT
1. That my dad would settle down when he met the right woman.
2. That Fat Louie would suck out my breath and suffocate me as I slept.
3. That if I didn’t attend an all-girls school, I would contract a social disease.
4. That if I got my ears pierced, they would get infected and I would die of blood poisoning.
5. That my figure would fill out by the time I hit my teens.
Sunday, October 26, 8 p.m.
You will not believe what got delivered to our house while I was gone. I was sure it was a mistake, until I saw the following attached. I am going to kill my mother.
Jefferson Market
The freshest produce—guaranteed
Fast, Free Delivery
Order no. 2803
1 package microwave cheese popcorn
1 case Yoo Hoo chocolate drink
1 jar cocktail olives
1 bag Oreos
1 container fudge ripple ice cream
1 package all-beef hot dogs
1 package hot-dog buns
1 package string cheese
1 bag milk chocolate chips
1 bag barbecue potato chips
1 container beer nuts
1 bag Milano cookies
1 jar sweet gherkins
Toilet paper
6-pound ham
Deliver to:
Helen Thermopolis, 1005 Thompson Street, #4A
Hasn’t she the slightest idea how adversely all this saturated fat and sodium will affect her unborn child? I can see that Mr. Gianini and I will have to be hypervigilant for the next seven months. I have given everything except the toilet paper to Ronnie, next door. Ronnie says she is going to hand out the junkiest stuff to any trick-or-treaters who might come by. She has to watch her figure since her sex-change operation. Now that she’s taking all those estrogen injections, everything goes right to her hips.
Sunday, October 26, 9 p.m.
Another e-mail from Jo-C-rox!
This one went:
JOCROX: Hi, Mia. I just saw the ad for your interview. You look great.
Sorry I can’t tell you who I am. I’m surprised you haven’t guessed by now. Now stop checking your e-mail and get to work on your Algebra homework. I know how you are about that. It’s one of the things I like best about you.
Your Friend
Okay, this is going to drive me insane. Who could it be? Who????
I wrote back right away:
FTLOUIE: WHO ARE YOU????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????
I was hoping that would get the point across, but he so totally did not write back. I was trying to figure out who I know who knows that I always wait until the last minute to do my Algebra homework. Unfortunately, though, I think everyone knows it.
But the person who knows it best of all is Michael. I mean, doesn’t he help me every day with my Algebra homework in G and T? And he is always chastising me for not putting my carry-overs in straight enough lines and all of that.
If ONLY Jo-C-rox were Michael Moscovitz. If only, if only, if ONLY.
But I’m sure it isn’t. That would simply be too good to be true. And really excellent things like that only happen to girls like Lana Weinberger, never to girls like me. Knowing my luck, it will totally be that weird chili guy. Or some guy who breathes through his mouth, like Boris.
WHY ME?
Monday, October 27, G & T
Unfortunately, it appears that Lilly is not the only one who noticed the ads for tonight’s broadcast.
Everybody is talking about it. I mean, EVERYBODY.
And everybody says they are going to watch it.
Which means by tomorrow, everyone will know about my mom and Mr. Gianini.
Not that I care. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all. Pregnancy is a beautiful and natural thing.
Still, I wish I could remember more about what Beverly and I talked about. Because I am sure my mom’s impending marriage is not all we discussed. And I am totally worried I said other stuff that will come off sounding stupid.
I have decided that I should look more closely into that home-schooling idea, just in case. . . .
Tina Hakim Baba told me that her mother, who was a supermodel in England before she married Mr. Hakim Baba, used to get interviewed all the time. Mrs. Hakim Baba says that as a courtesy the interviewers would send her a copy of the tape before it aired, so if she had any objections, she could straighten them out before the thing was broadcast.
This sounded like a good idea, so at lunch I called my dad in his hotel suite and asked him if he could get Beverly to do that for me.
He said, “Hold on,” and asked her. It turns out Beverly was right there! In my dad’s hotel room! On a Monday afternoon!
Then, to my utter mortification, Beverly Bellerieve actually got on the phone and said, “What’s the matter, Mia?”
I told her I was still pretty nervous about the interview, and was there any chance I could see a copy of it before it aired?