Reckless

Arms wrapping around my body and legs tangling with mine woke me up. The bus was still, silent, but I had no idea if we'd reached our new destination, or if we were still in Jersey. Smiling, I stretched as best as I could, then cuddled into the chest behind me.



"What time is it?"



"Late," he murmured. "They're still tearing down the show. We'll leave sometime tomorrow. I missed you last night. I couldn't sleep without you next to me."



I turned around to face him. Due to the confined space, it took some effort. I bumped my elbow against the wall and almost kneed Kellan in the groin again. He was prepared for it this time though and nimbly backed away just in the nick of time. When we were facing each other, we melded back together.



Kellan cupped my cheek. "Hey."



Pulling him tight, I smiled against his lips. "Hey."



Kellan's lips danced against mine, his tongue lightly probing. Hoping we were the only ones on the bus, I clutched at his shirt, wanting it off. Leaning over me, Kellan helped me out and pulled it over his head with one hand. I shoved it in the corner and ran my hands up his bare back as he settled over me. "Hey," I said again, my smile brighter than before.



"Always so eager to undress me," he whispered, his lips traveling to my neck.



I suppressed a giggle as I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of his body over me, around me. I loved getting lost in him. As his fingers traveled under my shirt and across my ribs, he breathed in my ear, "Any troubles leaving the hospital?"



Hyperaware of his hips above mine, separated from me by multiple layers of clothing, I sucked in a ragged breath. God, I really hoped no one else was awake. "Aside from some fans telling me that they wished I'd never been born? No. No problems at all."



The tips of his fingers paused at the base of my breast. "What?"



He pulled back to look at me, concern in his eyes. I shook my head and tried to scoot down so that his hand would move up. Didn't work. "It was fine. I'm fine."



Kellan slid off to my side, his hand retreating. Knowing our moment was over, I sat up on my elbow. "They threatened you?" he asked, an edge to his voice.



I shook my head. "No . . . they just expressed their dislike. Nobody touched-" Remembering being shoved a couple of times, I changed my sentence to, "Nobody hurt me."



Kellan sat up as much as he could. It wasn't very much. He leaned over on his elbow as he rested on his hip. Even though it was dark, I could tell that he was deep in thought.



"Kellan, nobody hurt me."



He peeked up at me, his lips in a hard line. He was pissed. "This time. Nobody hurt you this time." Looking away, he muttered, "This is such bullshit. You're my wife." He looked back at me. "Tory had us doing this meet-and-greet/concert for a high school that won some contest to have us there. It took all goddamn day. I was so freaking busy that the only person I had time to talk to was you. I hate that this has festered for so long. My silence isn't helping anything."



He looked angry and frustrated that he couldn't stand up for me yet, that all of this was snowballing so fast and he just didn't have time to react. Kissing him, I pulled him back down on top of me. "It's only been two days, and it's not your fault."



Kellan didn't answer me, just tentatively kissed me back. I could tell he was still stewing over the problem, a problem that I knew would still be there in the morning. Being together was what was important, and I wanted to enjoy the current moment with him. Threading my fingers through his hair, I pulled him into me. He let out a soft groan and kissed me back with a lot more intensity.



When his hips were in line with mine again, grinding into me at a delicious tempo, I let out my own exhale of ecstasy. Damn, I didn't care if we weren't the only ones there anymore. The guys all had iPods, anyway. I needed Kellan, and he needed me too. His hand slipped down the back of my lounge pants, under my panties. I arched my back as much as I could in our confined space, silently begging him to touch me. In my ear, Kellan growled, "I want you."



That did me in. While the ache building in me pulsed to life, my hands slipped down to Kellan's zipper. Wanting to snuggle with me, Kellan hadn't gotten ready for bed yet. I was more than happy to help him finish undressing.



Groaning as I unfastened his jeans, Kellan husked out, "But I want you . . . safe."



I paused and looked at his face. His eyes were blazing with desire, his lips were parted, and his breath was fast. I knew he wanted me, but I also knew he was still concerned about me. "Kellan, don't worry-"



He cut me off. "I heard you talking to Denny about fleeing back home. You were joking, but . . . maybe that's a good idea. Maybe you should head home until I have a chance to set this straight."



I couldn't believe he was actually suggesting that. "No, I want to be with you. Home is wherever you are."



Kellan slid to my side again. "I want to be with you too, but I can't stand the way people talk about you. It makes me want to kick every single one of their asses. And I don't want you around me if it's dangerous for you." I started to object, but Kellan cut me off again. "I saw that girl slap you, Kiera, so don't tell me it's not dangerous."



I closed my mouth and changed what I'd been about to say. Voice calm, I told him, "You said we needed to carve out time for each other, otherwise none of this mattered. You remember telling me that?"



Kellan sighed. "I know, but that was before things got so messed up." He ran a finger across my cheek. "And who is to say that anything will change when I do make another statement. They're so curious about my life, they might still hound you. They might still hate you, call you names. I can't handle that. I can't do my job if I'm constantly worrying about you. I just want you safe, even if that means we have to be apart."



He looked really guilty at playing the job card, but I knew he was frustrated with the situation and was being totally honest with me, and I respected him for that honesty. My answer to him was just as forthright. "And I just want to be with you. I can handle being mobbed. I can handle being photographed. I can handle being ridiculed. And I can even handle being slapped . . . on occasion." I grabbed both of his cheeks. "What I can't handle is people forcing us to behave in a certain way. People forcing us to be apart. We're not playing their game anymore, remember? We've fought too hard to be together. It's us against the world, Kellan, and they don't dictate our relationship. We do."



A slow smile curved Kellan's lips. "This attitude you've got right now is very attractive."



I laced my arms around his neck and brought his lips down to mine. "Then stop trying to send me away, and make love to me."



Eagerly returning my kiss, he finally helped me take his jeans off.



When I woke up sometime later, I was naked. I felt around for my clothes, but couldn't find them anywhere. That was alarming, since there weren't a whole lot of places for clothes to hide in our small cubby. Opening my eyes, I looked around for my pajamas. It was lighter, so I could clearly see everything around me, and I still didn't see them anywhere. Sitting up on my elbows, I noted that the bus was moving.



Kellan was asleep beside me; if I'd woken up before him, then he really hadn't slept well the night before when I was away. His clothes were nowhere to be seen either. What the hell? I clearly remembered shoving our clothes in the corners, because I didn't want them falling in the aisle again.



I nudged Kellan in the ribs. He made a noise that sounded like, "What?" but he didn't open his eyes.



"Kellan? Are our clothes on the floor?"



Maybe we'd been so caught up in the moment last night that they'd fallen out despite my precautions. Kellan cracked an eye open, then yawned. "What clothes?"



I laughed at him. "The clothes neither one of us are wearing."



Kellan smiled and rolled over to put his head on my chest. "Those are my favorite kinds of clothes."



His hands started traveling up my body, and I closed my eyes. Mmmm, his hands felt nice. Feeling playful, Kellan grabbed the blanket with his teeth and exposed my chest. Before I could stop him, his mouth was sucking on my breast. God, what was I missing? Forcing his head away so I could think clearly, I glared at him. "Could you take a peek and see if they're on the floor?"



Kellan's eyes were locked on my chest. "You sure you want me to do that?"



Giggling, I pushed his shoulder away. "Yes, please find them."



Kellan peeked his head out of the curtain, then instantly returned. He was frowning. "There's nothing out there."



I sat up, looked at all four corners, and even under the sheet. There were no clothes. "Where's our stuff then?"



"I don't-" Kellan stopped talking, then sighed. "I'm gonna kill that fucker, new dad or not."



My eyes went wide as I tucked the blanket under my armpits, completely covering my chest. "Griffin stole our clothes?"



Kellan cocked an eyebrow in answer. I wanted to be mortified that Griffin had peeked in on me while I was sleeping, and I really hoped I'd been fully covered by the blanket, but Griffin being a jackass was so wonderfully normal that I ended up bursting out laughing. Normal was good. Normal was great. I almost wanted to kiss Griffin. Almost.



The look Kellan gave me made it clear that he thought I'd officially lost my mind. Maybe I had, but Griffin's mischief was so much better than a complete stranger telling me I was worthless garbage.



Giggling, I pushed Kellan's butt with my knees. "Go get some new clothes for us."



Kellan groaned as he stuck his legs out of the curtain. "You want me to go out there naked?"



I held the blanket tighter around me. I may think Griffin's joke was funny, but I did not want to sit here with no clothes on with only a thin fluttery curtain as cover. "Do you care if you're naked, Kellan?"



Kellan gave me a crooked grin. "Not really." He leaned over to kiss me, then hopped out of the cubby. "Back soon."



Covering my face, I laughed into my hands. God, I hoped he managed to get into our bags without too many people seeing him. He was gone longer than I thought he would be. If it were me, I'd be running. Curious, I peeked my head out of the curtain. I couldn't see anybody, but I heard them. Some of the guys were still snoring, and some of them were in the lounging section. I could hear Gibson crying too. Our things were in the other direction, in a closet near the bathroom. Just as I was wondering where Kellan was, he reappeared from the curtain separating the cubbies from the back of the bus. He was fully dressed, laughing to himself. I wondered why until Anna stepped out of the curtain a second later. Oh God, had she seen him naked?



Anna smirked as she walked by him. Leaning down when she passed me, she scuffed up my hair and murmured, "Your husband's got a nice package." She looked back at him, winked, then returned her focus to me. "Lucky girl."



My face filled with heat. Yep, she'd finally seen Kellan in all his glory. Awesome.



After Anna left, Kellan squatted in front of me, clothes in hand. "Here you go." He laughed. Where I would be mortified at being caught in my birthday suit, Kellan was just amused.



When we walked out to the lounge, Griffin was watching Anna discretely breastfeed Gibson. A few days ago, I would have expected him to have a scandalous gleam in his eye while watching an act like that, but he wasn't looking at Anna in a devious way. In fact, he wasn't looking at Anna at all. His eyes were locked onto Gibson, and a small, peaceful smile was on his face as he watched her eat.



Kellan interrupted his moment by smacking him on the back of the head.



"Dude, what the fuck?" Griffin scowled.



Kellan pointed back to the cubbies. "That's for nabbing our clothes."



Griffin laughed and turned back to Anna, who was giggling uncontrollably now. "Oh yeah, that was awesome." He held his hand out to Anna and she gave him a high five. Turning back to Kellan, who was studiously ignoring my semi-exposed sister, Griffin added, "Gibson wouldn't go back to sleep so I paced the bus with her. We couldn't resist when we saw your jeans poking out of the curtain."



Kellan gave me a dry look at Griffin's explanation. We? He and Gibson were partners in crime now? Still laughing, Anna murmured, "You're the best Dilf ever, Griffin."



Leaning back in his seat, Griffin looked like a king upon his thrown. "Thanks, Milf. You're not so bad yourself."



Their pet names made me cringe. "Ugh, couldn't you guys find words of endearment that were actually endearing?"



Griffin snorted as he looked up at me. "What, like Snookums?" Brightening, he twisted back to Anna, "Hey, Milfums, it's my turn next, right?"



Anna gave him her best seductive smile. "Oh, don't you worry, Dilfums, I'll be satisfying you later."



Feeling a little nauseated, I turned away from the pair. God . . . never mind, they could keep their pet names, so long as I didn't hear them say anything like that ever again.



Kellan sat down next to Evan while I went to get us some coffee. I was going to need a little pick-me-up to get through this day. When I got back, Kellan was holding Gibson. Seeing how natural he was with her made me stop in my tracks. He was standing in the middle of the bus, swaying as he rocked her. And he was singing to her. It was low, and I couldn't quite make out all of the words over the video game Holeshot was playing, but from what I could tell, he wasn't singing a lullaby. He was singing a D-Bags song. My favorite D-Bags song.



Kellan peeked up when he saw me. I'd never seen a more exalted smile on his face. My sister was right; this man needed a child to love. I felt a little shaky as I sat down next to Anna and put our coffee cups on the table. Was I ready to give him one? Every maternal instinct in my body was screaming Yes, do it! But I needed to use my head here. If we had a child, we would have to be apart. A baby on the road was one thing, but a toddler? A school-age child? That was something else entirely. It wasn't as if I wanted to spend my entire life on the road, but I wasn't quite ready to give it up yet. Aside from the Sienna drama and the cramped sleeping quarters, I liked my life with the D-Bags. And maybe it was selfish of me, but I wanted to be Kellan's only love for a few more years. Then maybe we could have a whole busload of kids.



Anna slung her arm around me as we both watched Kellan and Gibson. He was just beginning another song for her when he suddenly froze. His face contorted and he held Gibson a foot away from his chest. "Uh, she doesn't smell so good anymore."



Anna let out a yawn-laugh mixture and started to stand, but, shocking the hell out of me, Griffin popped up and beat her to it. Rescuing Gibson from Kellan, Griffin scoffed, "Wuss." Holding Gibson like a football, he walked into the back with her.



Twisting to Anna, I asked with all seriousness, "What did you do to Griffin?"



Twirling a dark brown lock around her finger, Anna gave me a lazy smile. "It wasn't me. That little girl has got him completely wrapped around her finger. I never thought I'd see the day."



I understood the feeling; I never thought I'd see the day either. A tame Griffin. I almost didn't know what to do with that.



I looked out the window to see that the bus was rolling through the packed streets of New York City. Skyscrapers were everywhere I looked. As I took in the size of the city, I began to imagine the millions of people living there. How many would come down to the venue just to torment me? I was positive that paparazzi would be there today in force. Kellan said everyone was curious about his life, but maybe it was really me they were curious about. I was the enigma. Was I a casual fling that Kellan had been playing with the last few days, or was I more? That's what everyone wanted to know.



While I debated what to do about that, Matt emerged from the cubbies and threw his hand up in a wave. As I waved back, Kellan got a phone call. He was reluctant to answer it, and I realized why seconds after he did. "Sienna," he coolly intoned. After a moment's pause, he furrowed his brow, then said, "Yeah, everyone but Griffin is here, why?" Rolling his eyes, he muttered, "Fine." Holding his phone out, he stared at it blankly, then asked me, "How do I put this on speaker?" I contained my smile at Kellan's lack of technical know-how. Sometimes he seemed more like a ninety-year-old man than a twentysomething rock star.



I adjusted the phone for him, then Kellan put it on the table. Griffin was still in the back with Gibson, swearing from what I could tell, but we motioned for Evan and Matt to join us. "You're on, go ahead."



Sienna's bright voice burst from the small device. "Well, first off, I just want to say how much I miss all of you! Things have been so hectic, I feel like I rarely see you."



Kellan and I exchanged dubious glances. While it was true that Sienna had been just as busy as Kellan lately, that wasn't the reason for her disappearance, and we both knew it. Sienna was playing up the "wounded lover" act. Whenever any camera was on her, she appeared sullen, teary-eyed. I'd even seen photos of her dabbing a tissue into the corner of her bloodshot eyes. Her duet with Kellan was now filled with longing and heartache, and while she stayed close to his side at the meet-and-greets, the band had told me that her demeanor laced the room with tension. That DJ who had so long ago told us Sienna couldn't act was wrong. She had the betrayed girlfriend role down pat. Of course, from what I'd gathered during the rare moments she'd been candid with me, it was a role she'd been in before.



She was perfectly happy now as she squealed, "I just couldn't wait until the tour stopped to tell you all the fabulous news!"



"What news?" Kellan asked, his voice weary. Sometimes great news from Sienna wasn't that great.



Sienna giggled like a little girl. "I just got off the phone with Nick . . . and your album shot to number two on the charts, right below mine." She squealed again.



Kellan and I looked at each other, then the phone. "You reached number one?" I asked, shocked that everything she'd orchestrated had actually succeeded in getting her just what she wanted.



"And the D-Bags are at number two! Isn't that fabulous?"



Kellan leaned back on his hip as he absorbed it all. His expression was as blown away as mine. Sienna and Nick had totally manipulated the public into believing a sordid, phony romance. In their desire to be on top, they had completely ignored anyone else who might have gotten hurt in their schemes, and it had ultimately paid off for them. It didn't seem fair, and it definitely wasn't right. Anna and the guys were squirming with excitement, and obviously wanted to act elated, but seeing Kellan's and my faces, they stayed quiet.



Closing his eyes, Kellan scrubbed his face with his hands, then ran them back through his hair. When he reopened his eyes, his emotions still seemed mixed-elated and frustrated. While Sienna waited for our group to explode with excitement, Kellan turned to me. "I really miss Pete's," he said.



Sienna heard him and seemed confused. "This is incredible news. You should all be jumping up and down, screaming your bloody heads off, not pouting like I just told you your best friend moved away."



Kellan frowned as he stared at the phone. "The public thinks my wife is a whore. I'm really not okay with that. And now that you got what you wanted, and Nick got what he wanted, it's my turn. And I want you to admit the truth. All of it. From the very beginning."



Sienna inhaled a deep breath. "Here's the thing, love. If we confess that we fabricated our entire relationship to bump sales, there will be a public backlash that will negatively affect us both. The scandal will stay with you for the rest of your career. Do you really want that monkey on your back?"



Kellan closed his eyes. "This scandal was your doing from the very beginning." He opened his eyes. "And now you're asking me if I'm okay with it? I was never okay with it!"



Her voice all business now, Sienna told him, "You went along with it, Kellan. No one forced you."



His jaw dropped. Mine did too. No one forced us? We'd been bullied and manipulated at every corner. Kellan had done what he could to persuade the public, but he'd been way outmatched in this game.



"No one forced . . ." Kellan couldn't even finish that statement.



Exhaling in frustration, like we were raining on her good-news parade, Sienna told us, "Look, I only said that the truth couldn't come out. I didn't say that Kell-Sex couldn't end. If you're so bent out of shape about it that you can't even enjoy being on top of the world, then we'll 'break up' after the tour. I'll be heartbroken, but I'll quickly move on, and when everyone sees how happy I am with my new beau, you and your wife will be free to date in peace. Problem solved."



My thoughts were so jumbled, I stuttered a few times before I could speak clearly. "How does that solve anything? I'll still be the other woman who broke you up."



Sienna sighed. "We'll be at the venue soon. I just wanted to call and . . . congratulate you on your success." With another forlorn sigh, the line disconnected.



Everyone at the table stared at the phone in silence. Anna was the one who spoke first. "She's really not going to help you guys at all, is she?"



Kellan shook his head. "No, she was never gonna help us. We have to fix this on our own."



Anna grabbed my hand and squeezed. She'd seen firsthand just how despised I was.



Griffin and Gibson finally rejoined our group while Evan and Matt exchanged conflicted expressions; our drama aside, the band's success was amazing, something we should be celebrating. "Why the fuck does everyone look constipated. Bad coffee or something?" Leaning over, he peered inside my half-full cup.



Kellan was contemplative as Evan filled Griffin in. Griffin flipped his lid when he heard the D-Bags' album was number two. Afraid he was going to drop his daughter in his exuberance, I quickly stood up and plucked Gibson out of his arms. She smelled like baby powder.



Griffin tossed his hands in the air as he jumped up and down. "Whoooooooooo! Number two, baby!" He ran down the aisle of the bus screaming. If any of the members of Holeshot were still sleeping, they weren't anymore. Laughing, our bus driver shook his head.



It was hard to not get caught up in Griffin's enthusiasm. Evan and Matt joined him in the center of the bus while Kellan stood up and walked over to me. The grin on his face was completely worryfree. Our drama could wait; the guys needed a minute to bask in their accomplishment.



As the boys jokingly pushed each other around, Matt looked back at Kellan. "Number two, Kell! We're number two!"



Seemingly at peace, Kellan laughed and took Gibson from my arms. "I know, man. It's crazy." Smiling at his band mates, Kellan bounced Gibson as he swayed from side to side. I swear she smiled at him.



Evan was clearly dazed as he shook his head. "Number two . . . right behind Sienna Sexton. Six months ago, I never would have pictured that happening."



Griffin started grunting and thrusting his hips in a provocative way that made me want to shield Gibson's eyes. "Not me. I always knew I'd be banging on Sienna's backdoor one day."



The members of Holeshot trickled into the lounge area of the bus while Griffin was simulating sex with Sienna. They each barely gave Griffin more than a cursory glance before sitting down; they were used to his antics. When Griffin started "climaxing," I quickly sealed my ears shut so I wouldn't have to listen to it. It was bad enough when I accidentally heard the real thing; Anna and Griffin were not quiet lovers.



Griffin bowed to all of us once his erotic performance was done. I couldn't help but laugh along with Anna and the boys. Anna clapped. Griffin's crudeness was beginning to grow on me. I kind of liked it, not that I would ever in a million years tell him that. It would only encourage him to try harder to gross me out.



Shaking his head, Matt clapped Griffin on the back. "It's nice to see that becoming a husband and father hasn't changed you in the slightest, cuz."



Griffin sniffed and tucked his pale, chin-length hair behind his ears. "Did you think it would?"



After the laughter died down, Kellan looked at each band member in turn. Seeing his expression, Evan and Matt gave him their complete attention. Matt smacked Griffin to get him to stop goofing off. Once they were all looking at him, Kellan said, "Tomorrow morning, we're going to a radio station to perform. We're scheduled to play two songs, pimp the album and the concert, and leave. I don't want to do that. I don't want to sing." Still bouncing Gibson, he looked over at me. "I want to talk, and I want to tell them everything."



I swallowed as my nerves spiked. "You want to go on air, behind Sienna and Nick's back, and tell the world what they did? How they manipulated you?"



Kellan nodded. "And I want to tell them exactly who you are to me."



A smile crept onto my lips at the same time that my stomach rose into my throat. "Then I'll talk with you. We'll do this interview together."



Kellan lifted an eyebrow. "Are you sure? It's one of the largest radio stations on the east coast."



My smile shifted to a frown as I thought of speaking into a microphone that would be heard by thousands of people. "Yes, I'm sure. If you're going to do something as reckless as throw your record label and the biggest pop star on the planet under the bus, then I'm going to be right beside you." I lifted my wrist to show him the tattoo of his name branded on my skin. "I'm done hiding. And now I have to go throw up."



Kellan laughed at me as he leaned over and kissed me. After we pulled apart, Kellan turned to the guys. "This affects you too. If I tell everyone what we did to boost sales, it could hurt us. Sienna was right about that-the stigma could follow us for years. Are you guys okay with that?"



I watched the other band members carefully. Kellan was right, this affected the entire band, and Kellan didn't want to see them suffer. That was one of the reasons Kellan had played along in the first place.



Walking over, Evan picked me up and squeezed the life out of me. "I hated hearing all that Kell-Sex crap, so I'm thrilled it's about to be over."



Kellan nodded, then looked over at Matt. Matt wasn't always as easygoing as the others, and he took the D-Bags' career very seriously. As much as I hated to admit it, Kellan and I were about to wrap the band in a scandal that could end up really harming them.



Matt held Kellan's eye, but didn't speak. Feeling the tension, Kellan shrugged, and told him, "I'm sorry, Matt. I really didn't expect any of this . . . and I won't come clean if everyone's not onboard."



Smiling, Matt slugged Kellan's shoulder. "You're doing the right thing, man. Don't worry about it." He pointed at every D-Bag. "We just have to make sure the next album rocks so freaking hard that all of this doesn't mean a damn thing."



Kellan clapped his arm. "Deal."