“José de la Rive, if you must know, though I don’t see why you—”

“You were making love with the director of the Royal Genovian Guard while your son was in court?”

“Amelia, must you be so coarse? José merely stopped by to share with me the very interesting results of his continuing investigation into Olivia’s uncle’s personal finances, and I suppose one thing led to another, and before I knew it, we’d—”

“Continuing? I didn’t know he’d begun a secret investigation into Olivia’s uncle’s personal finances.”

“What do you think the director of the Royal Genovian Guard does all day, Amelia, besides check for bombs along my shopping routes? In any case, he discovered something else very important. Are you aware that Ivan’s grandfather—my own sweet Count Igor—owned a controlling interest in Monarch of the Seas Cruise Lines, one of the largest cruise-ship companies in the world?”

“Uh, no.”

“And that when Igor passed, he left his controlling interest in the company to his only grandson, Ivan?”

I was aghast. “But, Grandmère, that would mean—”

“Of course. He never disclosed that conflict of interest, did he? And while running on a platform of economic reform that included a promise to dredge the harbor to allow for larger—and more—cruise ships. Naughty, naughty boy.”

I was stunned. “But that’s criminal!”

“Of course it is, Amelia,” Grandmère purred. “That’s why José’s on his way to the airport right now to catch a flight back to Genovia and meet with Count Ivan. He’s going to ask the count whether he prefers to quietly withdraw from the race—for medical reasons, I think—or face public humiliation and arrest.”

“Don’t tell me. José’s going to cause the reasons for Ivan’s medical withdrawal if he doesn’t agree to go quietly, isn’t he?”

“Don’t be so cynical, Amelia, it isn’t becoming in a young bride. Now tell me about my granddaughter. What is she like? Will she make a trainable flower girl? I already asked some of your second cousins to fill that role, but as you know they’re not particularly telegenic, having inherited your grandfather’s troubling jawline. You were so fortunate to have inherited mine, Amelia. What about your sister? Is her jaw shaped normally?”

“Grandmère, stop. What about Dad? Have you heard anything from him?”

“Your father’s on his way here. He was only given a fine by the judge. And they returned his sword.”

“Grandmère, that’s wonderful!”

“Yes. You would think that—plus the news about Ivan—would make him a very happy man. But I’m afraid he was quite abrupt with me on the telephone. I suppose your antics today have spoiled his celebratory mood a bit.”

“My antics? More like his antics twelve years ago.”

“What was that, Amelia?” she demanded. “I’ve told you before not to mumble, it’s unbecoming.”

“Nothing. He’s not seriously upset with me, is he? Because if so, he knows where to reach me.”

“He’s far too busy fielding calls from the deputy prime minister about his illegitimate daughter. Why that woman can’t deal with the press herself is beyond me.”

“Um, maybe because Olivia is Dad’s daughter, and they’re questions he should be answering?”

Grandmère sniffed. “Well, she shouldn’t have chosen to be deputy prime minister of Genovia if she can’t take the heat. She couldn’t run a book club, let alone a country.”

“That’s far from true, Grandmère, she graduated first in her class at the Sorbonne. And what do you know about book clubs, anyway? All you ever read anymore is the entertainment news from BuzzFeed.”

“Which is how I know someone spoke to that horrible Brian Fitzpatrick from Rate the Royals about all this. He’s saying terrible things about your father while making you out to be some kind of saint.”

“Well, I don’t have any publically unacknowledged children in New Jersey.” Still, it was surprising that Brian Fitzpatrick had anything nice to say about me considering the way I’d treated him the other day.

“Don’t be fresh, Amelia, it isn’t attractive. And now Lazarres-Reynolds is saying the best way to handle the situation is for you to bring the child instead of Michael when you go on Wake Up America tomorrow morning. They don’t want you to talk about the wedding anymore, they only want you to talk about her. They say it will be the best way to, uh, how did they put it? Oh, yes . . . come out ahead of the story.”

“Well, you can tell Lazarres-Reynolds from me that that will only happen over my dead body,” I said, throwing a quick, protective look at Olivia, who was now on her third bag of mini chocolate cookies and showing Tina how to draw a giraffe.

“I’ll do no such thing,” Grandmère hissed in her scariest voice. “And you’re going to this benefit to raise heart-attack awareness tonight, as well. We’ve got to show the world that nothing is amiss. Dominique can send someone to fetch a gown for you to change into.”

“Uh,” I said. I’d totally forgotten the event at the W. “No, Grandmère. I realize sudden cardiac death is an important issue, and moreover, it was my choice to bring awareness to it after Mr. Gianini passed away from it, but considering today’s events, I feel the best thing to do is cancel and stay home with—”