“I like computers,” says Jess.

“Er… me too,” I backtrack hastily. “Absolutely!”

Which is kind of true.

I mean, I love eBay.

As I lead Jess into the kitchen I feel a rush of excitement. I reach for the CD remote control, and a moment later, Sister Sledge belts through the kitchen speakers at top volume. I bought the album especially for this!

“ ‘We are family!’ ” I sing along, while taking the champagne bottle out of its ice bucket. I pop the cork. “Have some champagne!”

“I’d prefer something soft, if you’ve got it,” she says, looking at the bottle without enthusiasm. “Champagne gives me a headache.”

“Oh,” I say, halted. “Well… OK!”

I pour her out a glass of Aqua Libra and quickly put the bottle away before she can see the price and start talking about potatoes again.

“I thought tonight we could just relax,” I say over the music. “Just enjoy ourselves… talk… have fun…”

“Sounds good,” says Jess, nodding.

“So, my idea was, we could do makeovers!”

“Makeovers?” Jess looks as though she’s never even heard the word.

“Come with me!” I pull her along the corridor and into the bedroom. “We can do each other’s makeup… try on all different clothes… I could blow-dry your hair if you like… ”

“I don’t know.” Jess’s shoulders are hunched uncomfortably.

“It’ll be fun! Look, sit down in front of the mirror. Try on one of my wigs!” I pull the blond Marilyn one onto my own head. “Isn’t that fab?”

Jess flinches.

“I hate mirrors,” she says. “And I never wear makeup.”

I stare at her, a bit nonplussed. How can anyone hate mirrors?

“Besides, I’m happy with the way I look,” she adds a bit defensively.

“Of course you are!” I say in astonishment. “That’s not the point! It’s just supposed to be… you know. Fun.”

Jess doesn’t reply.

“But anyway!” I say, trying to hide my deflation. “It was just an idea. We don’t have to do it.”

I take off the Marilyn wig and switch off the dressing table lightbulbs. The room is immediately plunged into semi-gloom, which is kind of how I feel. I was really looking forward to doing Jess up. I had all these great ideas for her eyes.

But never mind. We can still have a good time!

“So! Shall we… watch a movie?” I suggest.

“Sure.” Jess nods.

And anyway, a movie is better. Everyone likes movies, plus we can chat during all the boring bits. I lead the way into the sitting room and gesture enthusiastically at the fanned-out videos on the floor. “Take your pick. They’re all here!”

“Right.” Jess starts looking through the videos.

“Are you a Four Weddings girl?” I prompt her. “Or Sleepless in Seattle… When Harry Met Sally…”

“I don’t mind,” says Jess at last, looking up. “You choose.”

“You must have a favorite!”

“These aren’t really my kind of thing,” says Jess, with a little grimace. “I prefer something a bit more heavyweight.”

“Oh,” I say. “Oh, right. Well… I can go and get a different video from the rental shop if you like! It won’t take me five minutes. Tell me what you’d like to watch—”

“It’s OK. I don’t want to put you out.” She shrugs. “Let’s just watch one of these.”

“Don’t be silly!” I say with a laugh. “Not if you don’t like any of them! We can do… something else! No problem!”

I smile at Jess, but inside I’m a bit disquieted. I don’t quite know what else to suggest. My backup plan was the Dancing Queen karaoke tape — but something tells me she won’t want to do that either. Plus we’re not wearing the wigs.

Why is everything so awkward? I thought we’d be laughing hysterically together by now. I thought we’d be having fun.

Oh God. We can’t just sit here in silence all night. I’m going to come clean.

“Look, Jess,” I say, leaning forward. “I want to do whatever you want to do. But you’ll have to guide me. So… be honest. Suppose I hadn’t invited you here for the weekend. What would you be doing right now?”

“Well…” Jess thinks for a moment. “I was supposed to be at an environmental meeting this evening. I’m an activist for a local group. We raise awareness, organize pickets and protest marches… that kind of thing.”