“Did I ask you to be him?” she said weakly.

I tilted her chin and brushed a soft kiss across her lips. “No, Baby. It’s not what you said. This is all me, my shitty baggage. Got it?”

“Got it,” she mumbled.

“You okay?” She rubbed a hand across my face then brought her lips to mine. It was my goodbye kiss. I pushed her against the wall and moved to unzip her dress again. Maybe, if I tried really hard, I could lose myself in her. Maybe just this once, she’d let me see all of her, she’d let me have the parts he hadn’t taken yet, the parts he hadn’t yet stolen. I pushed her harder and slid the dress off of her body within seconds. It pooled at her feet. Without moving my mouth from hers, I lifted her off the ground and wrapped her legs around my hips, grabbing her ass and making it impossible for her to leave me, impossible for her not to straddle me and see how much I wanted her.

I moaned as one of my hands moved to the delicate lace of her bra, pushing harder against her body so that I could keep us fused together. Her skin felt hot — and me? I was cold. Everywhere felt cold.

“Demetri” — she panted tensing beneath me — “What’s wrong? Remember, slow?” My tongue swirled down the side of her neck, grasping at anything she’d throw at me. “Demetri,” she repeated. Ignoring her, my hands moved lower, dipping into her underwear.

“No!” she shouted. The abruptness of her pushing against my chest almost sent her ass sailing to the ground. So that was it. My answer. She’d give him her heart — her body — her everything.

And again. I’d be left with nothing.

“You need to go, Nat.” I kept my back turned to her.

“What the heck was that?” she yelled.

“Nothing.”

“Demetri.” She walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my stomach. “Talk to me.”

“I just wanted you first.” Honest truth. I wanted to be the guy who made her smile, who made her laugh, who held her when she cried. Instead, I got nothing. Story of my life.

I turned and glared at Nat. She blinked those hellishly long lashes, “First?”

“Before everything happens.” My muscles were so tense I was convinced I was going to have a seizure or something.

“What are you talking about? Are you high? On drugs? Before what happens?”

I was exploding. From the inside out. My shoulders collapsed, unable to hold my body straight anymore, and I was in pain, not just emotional pain but physical pain. Pain so severe that I couldn’t stop myself from wincing. It came from every direction. The car crash, the drugs, my brother, my ex-girlfriend, the son he lost, the life I lived, the rejection. Over and over again it hit me like the waves of that damn tide outside. Without realizing it, I had reached into my pocket and lifted a pill to my lips.

I took it.

I took it and prayed it would work, and a part of me? Prayed it wouldn’t, so that I would have an excuse to do it again.

“I’ll always love you,” I whispered.

“Demetri, I love you.” Funny, I hadn’t realized until this day that there were different types of love. Sucked that the one she felt for me didn’t hold a candle to the way she felt about him. What sucked even more? I knew every dirty secret. I may have an issue with drugs — but at least I didn’t kill anyone, at least I didn’t steal from my little brother — yeah, she was choosing the brother who was the villain, she just didn’t know it yet.

“I know.” I smiled sadly and exhaled. “I’ll see you in another week or so, okay?”

“Okay.” She shivered, went and put on her dress

“I’ll miss you,” I croaked. She nodded and caught the fact that I’d just thrown another pill in my mouth.

“What are you taking?”

“Pain killers” — I rolled my eyes — “Because I’m in pain, Nat.”

I threw the pills onto the bed, not caring that she saw them, not caring that she would probably tell Alec and grabbed my bag.

“Gotta go, Nat.” I opened my mouth, to apologize, to tell her I loved her, to tell her I needed her more than she realized, instead, her eyes darted behind her as the door slammed shut. Alec was home. Well fancy that. “I’ll text you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Alec

I’D BEEN TEXTING Demetri all day. He left for the airport without saying anything other than ‘thanks’ and that he’d see me in another week or so.

Just like that, he left.

On Sunday I texted him so much that my battery died, finally he responded.

Demetri: Have you been on TV?

Me: On TV?

Demetri: Nevermind. Has Nat seen TV?

Me: We don’t live together. Why don’t you text your girlfriend and ask?

Demetri: Hah, you made a joke. So Angelica Greene…

I almost choked. I did not like that girl. Hell, I hated that girl. If there was one girl I could actually say that about it was her — after all, she had the power to ruin my life. She was the last person Demetri needed to be mixed up with.

Me: Yeah?

Demetri: You ever talk to her?

Me: No. I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

Demetri: Pictures of us together.

Me: Bad?

Demetri: Define bad…

Me: Breakup bad?

Demetri: Is that what you want? For them to be so bad that Nat and I are no more?

Me: Of course not.

Demetri: Whatever. They’re terrible. Now you can have Nat, maybe by the time I come back you’ll be married with another kid on the way. Wouldn’t that be nice? After all, you deserve it. You deserve her.