I pulled her body against mine then dipped my hands behind her head pulling it so she was resting on my shoulder staring directly at my lips.

“Now what?” she whispered, her eyes focused on my lips and then my jaw.

“I have my way with you?” Too much honesty.

She rolled her eyes and pushed away enough to look up at my face. “You’re so romantic. Really, you take my breath away. I almost swooned just now. Good thing I’m lying down.”

Brat. I chuckled and brought her hand to my lips kissing it softly. “Fine, I won’t have my way with you yet… but” — I laced my fingers in between hers — “I’d really like to take you out on a date.”

Nat’s eyes went really wide. “People are going to say I’m a whore.”

“Don’t.” I tightened my grip on her hand pulling her closer to me. “This is my fault, not yours. I should have stayed away from you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

Damn. Hearing those words. It was like… a peace suddenly blanketed itself over me.

We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, both of us searching the other’s eyes, willing the other person to say something, to confess that it’d been like this since our first meeting.

With Nat it wasn’t just a coincidence, right place, right time. It wasn’t just about a stupid pen, or her tripping her way down the hall. It was the pull, the magnetic attraction I felt for her the minute I set eyes on her. My physical response was strong — but the response of my heart? Never before had I felt like someone had the power to reach into my chest, pull out my heart, and hold it. Nat had the power to do that. She had the power to give me life or death. I’d never given another person that type of control over me; I wasn’t the type of guy to ever relinquish control. But with her? I felt safe, like for the first time in my existence, someone really saw me.

“Stupid pen,” Nat grumbled.

“Huh?” I shook my head.

She giggled. “Never mind. So…” She played with the hair on the back of my head, twisting it between her fingers. “About this date.” Holy shit. She had magic hands! I seriously had to tell myself not to moan out loud lest I freak her out.

“I’ll do anything. Just don’t stop.” I rested my head against her chest. A groan escaped my lips before I could stop it. Holy Hell. No wait. Heaven. Holy Heaven?

“Our date?” she reminded me. Her hands stilling, damn it! I almost growled again.

“Uh-huh.” My hands wrapped around her body hugging her close to me. She must have gotten the hint because she kept rubbing my head. “I think I may like this better than sex.”

She froze.

Whoops. Over share. High five Alec you just scared the shit out of an innocent virgin.

“Damn, did I say that out loud?” I tensed above her. Nat burst out laughing.

Good at least she thought I was kidding — I wasn’t. So clearly I’d been having some really bad sex. Then again, memory was fuzzy it had been over a year.

“At least I know what I need to do to get you to confess to me all your dirty little secrets,” she joked.

“That’s bribery and manipulation, a federal offense…” My words trailed off, feeling heavy in my mouth as I moaned against her.

“You were saying,” she whispered wrapping her hands around my shoulders then digging into my neck. Shit, did she do like hand workouts or something? She was freakishly strong and hit every nerve, every… my body shook. Never. I was never letting her go.

“Marry me.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you only asked so you’d have a personal masseuse.”

“I have other reasons.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“Fine, but I’m asking again tomorrow,” I grumbled turning my ear so that my head was resting against her chest again. Not only had I freaked her out by talking about sex, but I just proposed to someone still in high school. Seriously, I was just racking up those points.

Nat shivered beneath me.

“You cold?”

She shivered again. “Nope.”

“Nat.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

And there went number three. I mean things always happened in threes right? I needed to tell her. Instead of making it romantic, I blurted it out, almost shouting at her.

I waited, holding my breath, every muscle in my body tense as Nat went so still beneath me I thought I’d possibly suffocated her.

Three breaths later, she said…

“I love you, too.”

Four words.

That changed my life forever.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Demetri

I DIDN’T SLEEP all night.

Instead, I chose to stare at my ceiling.

And think.

I thought about Alec, I thought about Nat, I thought about school, about touring.

And I came to no conclusions. Nothing. I was still on a merry go round and I still had no answers. If I got myself into this mess wasn’t I supposed to be able to pull myself out of it? How do people suddenly just get better?

I mean I’d seen stuff on TV where people say they just stopped being depressed or chose not to be anxious but that wasn’t realistic! I still felt — off. And the more off I felt, the more I wanted pills to at least give me a fake sense of calm.

My entire stomach was in knots by the time we were supposed to leave for school.