Alec’s eyes widened, he looked away and didn’t say anything for a very long time.

“He told you everything.”

I nodded even though he wasn’t looking at me. “Tell me it isn’t’ true.”

Alec laughed bitterly. “I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

After a heavy sigh, Alec looked at me his eyes full of sadness. “I can’t deny the truth. I did everything he said, and what’s probably worse is I got her hooked on drugs in the process.”

I closed my eyes.

“Nat…” His voice was a whisper.

“Just take me home.”

We rode home in silence. My brain tried to put together the pieces of the puzzle. Alec had single-handedly destroyed a woman’s life, all because of his cocky attitude and rock star ways. He hurt his brother so much that I’m surprised they still spoke to one another. And now it all made sense.

Being first and second.

The way they had switched roles.

Demetri dealt with pain the way Alec had originally dealt with life. Drink, have sex, and numb yourself to everything around you. Alec shied away, like a turtle in a shell, continuing to punish himself for the crappy decisions he made.

When the car pulled up to my house I didn’t move.

“Nat…”

I closed my eyes, unable to believe I was about to utter the words that I was thinking. “Tell me everything.”

“It’s complicated. I don’t think...”

“Tell me. Now.”

Chapter Twenty-three

Alec’s story was worse than Demetri’s account. The only difference was what he had already admitted to. He was a cocky piece of work and was pissed at his brother for messing up a huge deal for them with a new TV show that was supposed to document their entire tour.

He was also, as he admitted, jealous that Demetri had a girl who loved him so completely, so when Demetri made the bet out of humor, Alec took him seriously.

“Heroin.” He laughed humorlessly. “I told her it would help her relax.” Alec refused to look at me. “We had been partying all weekend and Demetri was already in bed. She was drunk.”

I wiped some stray tears from my eyes. And kept listening.

“It was all over within twenty minutes. Neither of us was really thinking. Had I been thinking, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. But alcohol? Drugs? They have a way of messing with you. I knew what I was doing, I just didn’t care. I knew it was wrong, but I felt so good — it felt so good — that I refused to acknowledge there would be any consequences.” He cursed and shook his head. “Demetri found us in bed together.”

My heart was in my throat.

“I’ve never seen that look on his face before. They had a huge fight, broke up, and we didn’t hear from her again until we found out she was pregnant. By then we also found out she was hooked on everything under the sun, made easy by yours truly, considering I paid her off to keep her mouth shut.”

We sent her into rehab. Our little boy, whom I never met, went to his grandma’s. The next we heard from her, she was released from rehab and sounded really happy. I apologized again and told her how sorry I was. She and Demetri talked on the phone and got in a fight. She, um… She went to pick up Gabe and was hit in a head on collision. She went the wrong way on the freeway.”

I closed my eyes and spoke, my voice hoarse from trying to keep my emotions in check. “So the canceled concert tour this year? The time off?”

“Grief counseling and addiction.”

“Addiction?”

“Not me, Nat.” Alec bit his lip. “I don’t touch the stuff. I don’t touch anything. It ruined a part of me that I don’t think I’ll ever get back. The addiction? That would be my brother’s. Also my fault.”

“He makes his own choices. It’s not your fault.” I had no idea why I was defending him.

He laughed bitterly. “Yeah, I think it is, Nat. It was all me. I was the partier, the wild one. I never got in trouble, I never had any consequences. Somehow, I got lucky, and for some reason I never felt addicted. I just liked the feeling drugs gave me. That was not the case with Demetri.”

“Is he on drugs now?”

“I don’t know.” Alec shrugged. “He’s drinking heavily again, that much is clear. Nat…” He turned to me. “You don’t have to stay. You can go.” His eyes watered. “I kill everything I touch. It’s like I’m poison.”

“No!” I reached for him but he jerked back. I reached for him again and pulled him into my arms, the console kept us from being closer, but I needed to reassure him. I needed him to know that I was there for him.

“Alec, look at me.” His gaze fluttered to mine. “What you did was messed up. I’m not going to deny it. Nor am I going to say that I’m not seriously tempted to jump out of this car and run away from you, but I love you. I love who you are now. The man you are now. If those things wouldn’t have happened to you, who knows where you would be?”

Alec trembled in my arms his body tight with tension. “Nat, you have to know. I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t even know who that guy was, I just—”

My kiss was forceful and pleading. I wrapped my hands around his shoulders, jerking him closer to me. His tongue licked my lower lip then dove into my mouth instantly driving me insane. Never had I been kissed so desperately. My body was on fire for him. I needed to be closer. Part of me believed that if I just showed him, rather than used my words, how I felt, he would begin to understand the depth of my feelings.