The Crippled God

But it was all down to feeding the runts. ‘ My beautiful runts ,’ his da liked saying. And then, years later, when the garrison had up and left town, suddenly Ma couldn’t get the money the way she used to, but she and Da were happier for all of that anyway. Shortnose’s older brothers had all gone off by then, two of ’em to war and the other one to marry Widow Karas, who was ten years older than him and who Shortnose secretly loved with all his might, so it was probably a good thing he ran away when he did, since his brother wouldn’t have taken kindly to that trouble behind the barn with Karas drunk, or maybe not, and anyway it was all in good fun –



He noticed a boy walking beside him. Carrying a sack. His hands were bloody and he was licking them clean.



Brought me that shirt, did you? ‘Ain’t good, runt,’ he said. ‘Drinking blood.’



The boy frowned up at him, and went on with his licking until his hands were clean.



– and he’d heard later how one of his brothers got killed outside Nathilog and the other one came back with only one leg, and then the pensions came through and Ma and Da stopped having to struggle so, especially when Shortnose joined up himself and sent two-thirds of his pay back home; half of that went home to Da and Ma; the other third went to his brother and his wife, because he felt guilty about the baby and all.



Still, it wasn’t good being hungry so young, and starving was worst of all. His da used to say, ‘ If ya can’t feed ’em, don’t have ’em. Hood’s proud pole, it don’t take a genius to see that! ’ It sure don’t, and that was why Shortnose kept paying for his runt, and he’d still be paying for it if it wasn’t for them being fired and made outlaws and deserters and all the other names the military came up with for not doing what they told you to do. By now, though, that runt would be old enough to work all on its own, so maybe his brother would have called off the bounty on his head. Maybe everything was all right by now, the dust settled and all.



It was nice to think so. But now he’d gone and fallen in love with Flashwit and Mayfly and wasn’t that silly, since there were two of them and only one of him. Not that he saw that as a problem. But women could get funny about things like that. And lots of other things too, which was why they were so much trouble.



The hauler on his right stumbled. Shortnose reached down one-handed and lifted the woman back on to her feet. She gasped her thanks.



Now women. He could think about women all—



‘You’re Shortnose, aren’t ya?’



He glanced down at her. She was short, with big, strong-looking legs – now that was bad luck for her, wasn’t it? The one thing that made proper men drool turned out getting her yoked like a – like a – ‘Yah, that’s me.’



‘Been tryin to look, y’see?’



‘No.’



‘I heard you got the same ear bitten off twice.’



‘So?’



‘Well, er, how’s that possible?’



‘Don’t ask me. It was all Bredd’s fault.’



‘Bredd? Nefarias Bredd? You were fighting him?’



‘Might have been. Save your breath, soldier. See this runt here? He ain’t saying a thing, cause he’s smart.’



‘It’s because he doesn’t understand Malazan.’



‘As good an excuse as any, I always say. Anyway, just keep pulling, and think about things you like to think about. To distract ya from all the bad stuff.’



‘What are you thinking about?’



‘Me? Women.’



‘Right,’ she said in a strangely cold tone. ‘So I guess I’ll think about handsome, clever men.’



He smiled down at her. ‘You don’t have to do that, lass – you got one walking right beside you.’



The boy went away and came back a short time later with some more cloth, which he gave to Shortnose so that he could stop his bleeding nose.



Like his da used to say, ‘ There ain’t no figurin’ the ways of women .’ Too bad too. She was kinda pretty and, even better, she could swear the hide off a bhederin. Could there be a sexier combination? He didn’t think so.



‘You’d think I was some kind of leper. It ain’t my fault I been dead once, and maybe being dead once means things like getting thirsty don’t hurt as much – I don’t know.’



‘I have been condensing everything in sight,’ Bavedict said. ‘That’s what’s been keeping me going.’



Hedge eyed the alchemist quizzically, and then he shrugged. ‘Beats talking all day, I suppose.’