The Matchmaker's Playbook

“Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.”

“Because you like to stare at me when I sleep?”

“One time, Ian!” She growled out a loud curse. “You’re lucky I’m forgiving. I’m having a welcome party for my two new roommates, and you were supposed to bring the chips and dip. And the party started a half hour ago.”

So much for my dry cleaning.

“Was this party on my calendar?”

“You and your freaking calendar!” she shouted. “Sorry that I don’t have time to log into Gmail and plug it in so that you can make time for me.”

“It would be a lot easier on Lex if you did.”

“You know Lex is more your bitch than your friend these days?”

“Harsh,” I coughed. “You better hope I don’t tell him that.”

She fell silent. Because that was what she did when we talked about Lex. She pretended she wasn’t planning on setting his bed on fire with him in it, and I pretended not to notice that even when they were fighting, it seemed like she was still clamoring for his attention, no matter how negative.

But we both knew the elephant was standing in the room with his face plastered all the hell over it.

I sighed. “Sorry, Gabs. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes, alright?”

“You better,” she grumbled. Then the line went dead.

My music started up again as I quickly pulled into the closest grocery store parking lot and ran like hell to grab the snacks I’d promised. The busier I got, the worse my memory became, which was why I had a calendar and an online schedule that even my professors knew how to access just in case I wasn’t in class, since I was a TA. I was an A student; I’d trained them to keep up with my schedule well, and it was an added bonus when I could teach their classes while they did more important things.

I grabbed all the chips and dip I could find that promised lots of empty calories, then groaned when I noticed only one checker was open and the guy in front of me had ten coupons.

I was ready to pay for his groceries if the dude would just let me go first.

“I can help you over here, sir,” a perky voice said to my right.

A slow smile spread across my face as I turned. “Oh wow, thank you.”

The girl blushed and flicked on the little light at her check stand.

“Hmm, going to a party?” The scanner beeped as she ran each item through.

“For my sister. Well, she’s basically my sister. And I’m the tool that forgot to bring snacks.”

“You don’t seem like a tool to me.” Her voice was throaty as she arched her eyebrows.

“Well, maybe you should tell her that, which would save me from having to grovel . . .”

Her eyes lit up. “I get off in ten minutes.”

“Aw, it would only take me five. Tops.”

“What?”

“Your top.” I pointed to her plain white shirt. “Looks gorgeous with your skin tone.”

Her eyes dilated right before me.

Sometimes, it was just too easy.

CHAPTER THREE

“Finally,” Gabi shouted as she opened the door and jerked the groceries out of my hand in one fell swoop. “I thought you said you fifteen minutes.”

“Did I say fifteen? Could have sworn I said twenty.” And there was that one checker who needed my help, so . . .

Gabi’s eyes narrowed. “You smell like cheap perfume.”

“Gross, right? Who wears Vanilla Fields anymore? I think your grandma still buys that shit, but she’s eighty. She’s allowed to be a creature of habit.”

“You did it again, didn’t you?”

“Did what?” I played innocent while I unpacked the shopping bags. Gabi lived a few blocks away from the University of Washington campus, and I, in turn, lived a few miles away from her. It was convenient for both of us.

I made sure no idiots plagued her with their existence.

And she cooked for me.

Sometimes she even packed me little-kid lunches with smiley faces.

I’d probably starve without her. A point she liked to make on a daily basis.

Gabi rolled her green eyes and quickly pulled her long auburn hair into a low messy bun. “Sometimes I want to kill you.” She exhaled. “Wow, I feel so much better getting that off my chest.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” I winked. “Your own personal therapy.”

She scrunched up her nose. “Seriously. You smell bad, dude.”

I held up my shirt and winced. “How the hell did five minutes with Shopgirl lead to me being a walking perfume commercial?”

Gabi sighed, then pointed upstairs. “Go. Shower. I’ll put out the food. Your extra clothes are still in my room. Just”—she sneezed and wrinkled her nose—“get rid of the skank.”

“She has a name,” I teased. Not that I actually remembered it. But in my defense, while her lips were wrapped around me, her head was blocking the view of her name tag. See? Not my fault.

“One day.” Gabi shook her head. “You’re going to get smited.” She frowned. “Or is it smote?”

“Oooo.” I shivered and leaned in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Sounds dirty. Can’t wait.”

With a hard shove, she pushed me off of her and slapped me on the ass. “Upstairs. Go, before you start attracting more.”

“Attention?”

“Girls with no future.” Gabi nodded seriously. “You know, the type you like to give quick—”