The One Real Thing

“Yes, please.”

Suddenly he imagined another situation in which she said “please” to him. She’d say it in pleading tones, not in politeness. And they’d both be naked.

Cooper turned away before she could see the thought in his eyes.

“Uh, I’ll have another wine, too,” Bailey said to his back, and he heard the amusement in her voice.

And he knew what that amusement was all about. Bailey had known him a long time. He shot her a look over his shoulder. “You’ll wait your turn, B.”

She gave him a huge, knowing grin. “Sure thing, Coop.”

He winked at her and got back to making Jessica’s drink.

“One of my guests told a really bad joke today that was so bad it was good,” Bailey said behind him.

“Was it Jessica?” Tom said.

“No, it was Sherman from West Virginia,” Bailey said. “Okay, here it is. A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, ‘Make me one with everything.’”

Cooper shook his head at the bad joke and glanced over to see Jessica give a loud guffaw of laughter. That made him grin.

Tom sighed. “That was awful.”

“Jessica found it funny,” Bailey argued. “Come on, it was cute funny.”

“I’ll give you cute funny . . .” Tom said. “What do you call a Christian that skips church?”

Cooper turned around to slide the Long Island over to Jess and start pulling a draft for Tom.

“I don’t know.” Bailey smiled. “What do you call a Christian that skips church?”

“Christian Bale.”

“Oh, oh, man.” His girlfriend winced as she laughed. “That’s bad.”

“Jessica thought it was funny.”

It was true, she was giggling. “Seems Jessica doesn’t have high standards for jokes.”

Her eyes were bright with amusement. “I really don’t.”

“You tell us a joke, then, Doc,” Cooper said.

She took a sip of her drink, seeming to contemplate it.

“Oh, go on!” Bailey pushed her playfully. “Anything is better than Tom’s.”

“My joke was better than yours, babe.”

Jessica interrupted just as Bailey was opening her mouth to argue. “Okay.” The doc put her drink down. “A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts ‘Mypenis,’ all one word.” Jessica grinned. “The wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says . . . ‘Error. Not long enough.’”

Cooper grinned at how much the stupid joke amused her. And not just her. Tom smiled. “Yours wins.”

“Oh, if we’re allowed to be dirty I have a good one,” Bailey said.

Lily appeared at the bar so Cooper wandered away to fill her order. Still, Bailey was being loud enough that he could hear her.

“A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. Her daughter asks, ‘Mother, where do babies come from?’ The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, ‘Well, dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.’ The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, ‘That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.’ The child seems to understand. ‘Oh, I see,’ she says, ‘but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?’ The mother smiles at her and says, ‘Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.’”

Old Archie suddenly hit his palm against the bar and shouted down toward Bailey, “That was a good one!”

Jessica was wiping tears from her eyes and Tom was laughing.

“Hey.” Riley grinned at Bailey as she poured a draft. “Funny and true.”

Cooper’s eyes moved back to Jessica. Her face was flushed from alcohol and amusement. She looked happy. It was a good look on her.

“Oh no.” Bailey pulled her phone out of her purse and put it to her ear. “Hello . . . Mr. Pollock, how can I help?” She put a finger in her opposite ear and frowned. “Okay, I’ll be right there.” She hung up and gave Jessica an apologetic look. “I have to go. There’s something wrong with the shower in one of my guests’ rooms.”

“Then call a plumber,” Tom said, visibly irritated. “We’re having a nice time, Bailey.”

“I know.” She stroked his cheek affectionately. “But I can’t just call a plumber. I need to be there in case I have to move my guests to another room.” She glanced back at Jessica. “I’m sorry. You should stay, finish your drink.”

“You don’t need help?”

“You’re my guest. Of course not.” Bailey kissed her on the cheek. “But thanks for offering. See you tomorrow.”

Tom grumbled under his breath, threw money on the bar, and got up.

“What are you doing?” Bailey frowned.

“Coming with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Oh, I do. You promised you’d spend the night at my place tonight. That’ll only happen if I come with you.”

She glowered at him.

Tension fell between them that even Cooper could feel.

Bailey started to move away from the bar. She caught his eye and gave him a wave. “’Night, Coop.”