Thoughtless

He fought his way back through the crowd, the women watching him as he passed. I sighed and shook my head as he rounded the corner to the bar. Yes, my man was beautiful, and completely unaware of it. I closed my eyes and focused on the music, happy and content. Mindless.



I froze when a strong, familiar hand came up behind me and floated up under my slinky shirt, to rest on my bare stomach. My eyes flashed open, but I didn't need to turn and look. I knew his touch only too well, instantly recognized the fire burning in my belly. In my happiness, I had almost forgotten Kellan was still here. Had he been watching? I was beyond shocked that he would make a move after we'd ended things, and with Denny and Anna here? He pulled me back into his hip and we moved together suggestively with the music. What had been fun and innocent with Denny, was now so much more intense. I felt naked.



The heat in the room seemed to double. I could feel a bead of sweat form between my shoulder blades and start to roll down the exposed skin of my low-cut back. His free hand brushed aside a few strands of hair on my neck, that had fallen from where the rest was pulled back, sending electricity shooting through my spine. He bent down and slowly brushed the bead of sweat away with his tongue, following the salty trail up past my shoulder blades, to the back of my neck, biting the skin very, very softly. I inhaled sharply, my vision swam. Damn...



Apparently, since we had completely ended things, all innocent pretensions went out the window. Not good. I needed to stop this.



Against my will though, I closed my eyes again and melted into him. One of my hands rested on his hand over my stomach, the other wrapped around behind him, to rest on his hip. My breathing sped as I rested my head back against his chest. His hand on my stomach moved down fractionally, his thumb resting on the button of my jeans. It was enough to make me gasp and I interlaced our fingers and clenched his hand. I wanted to run, I wanted to claw my way through the crowd and find Denny, return to my sanctuary, get away from the scorching sensation Kellan drove throughout my body. But that was in my mind. My body shivered, my hand on his hip ran down the front of his thigh, and my head...slowly turned around towards him.



His other hand grabbed my chin, and roughly pulled my lips to his. I moaned, the sound lost in the driving music. Weeks of escalating flirting, tempting each other with our touching, our bodies, and our lips, but never caving to the wanton desire between us, had left me craving him more than I had realized. I couldn't press against his lips hard enough, my whole body burned with the need of it. I couldn't even think of stopping him now.



His lips parted and his tongue touched the roof of my mouth. Fire erupted throughout my whole body. I lost even more of the fragile hold on my control. I spun in his hands, turning to face him, and pressed myself completely into his embrace, never breaking the connection of our lips, never opening my eyes. My heart racing even harder, I threw my hands up and knotted them in the back of his thick hair. His hands ran up my bare back, under my shirt, and pulled me even closer. We were already both panting in-between the brief breaks in our lips.



The heat, the throbbing music, his strong hands, his fast breath, his scent, his taste, his soft lips and exploring tongue - all of it was driving me insane. One of his hands ran down my backside, and he grabbed my upper thigh, pulling my leg slightly up his hip. From that position, it was painfully obvious how much Kellan wanted me. I groaned, wanting him right that minute as well. My eyes opened and I pulled away from his lips, resting my head against his and panting softly. My hands automatically started unbuttoning his shirt, uncharacteristically not caring where we were. His eyes burned, watching me intently.



Some of the women around us had noticed Kellan, and were watching him lasciviously. So far, no one seemed to care how intimate we had become, or were about to become. He closed his eyes and roughly exhaled when I was halfway done with his shirt. He gripped my body tight and crushed his lips back down to mine. We couldn't stay here like this for much longer. It was like I was a different person, being absorbed into his passion. I didn't know what to do, didn't know how to stop myself from making this far too graphic for such a public place. I wanted him to take me somewhere...anywhere.



I had two buttons left on his shirt, when he suddenly roughly pushed me away from him. Then he turned to melt into the crowd, his face breathless, but unreadable. I panted, confused, and attempted to catch my breath.



That was when I felt Denny grab my hand and pull me into him. I hadn't noticed his return. Did he see anything? Did I look different to him? I searched his eyes, but they only looked happy to see me. He must have written off the sweat and breathlessness to the dancing.



Then I did something that would later haunt me. I pressed into Denny, grabbing his face roughly in my hands and kissing him - hard. Excitement coursed through my body, as in my mind's eye, I pictured being with Kellan again. Denny reacted with surprise for half a second, then returned my kiss eagerly. Disgusted with myself, I could not stop kissing him, wanting him, needing him - knowing all too well, that while Denny was with me physically, that was not who I was ravishing. From somewhere in the club, I could feel eyes burning into me.



"Take me home," I moaned into his ear.



Much, much later, I sat up in bed, naked, and glanced over at Denny's sleeping form next to me. Guilt washed through me. If he ever knew what I had just done...who I had just mentally replaced him with... I tried to swallow, but my throat was too dry. Suddenly desperately thirsty, I grabbed the first piece of clothing I could find, and stood to put it on. Denny's button-up shirt was closest to my side of the bed. It smelled wonderfully of him as I slipped it on.



Wanting the clean, cold water from the fridge, I made my way to the stairs. I paused for only the slightest fraction of a second as I passed Kellan's door. A small part of me hoped he somehow hadn't just heard that. I couldn't imagine what he would think while listening to Denny and me. I hadn't exactly been quiet. Picturing Kellan in my head like that had made me lose all control. I frowned, not liking that thought at all.



I made my way into the kitchen, thinking about Kellan, about what had happened at the club, how intense it had gotten between us, how much I had wanted him, how much he had wanted me. Things were getting dangerous between us. I wasn't sure what to do.



I glanced out the window and stopped. His car wasn't there. Kellan still wasn't home? I went back to the living room. Anna wasn't there? Oh god, they were still out together...alone. I instantly thought of half-dozen places, and positions, that they could be in. The thought made me feel ill, and then I felt guilty. I settled on angry. Whatever was going on between Kellan and I, he had promised - promised! - that he wouldn't sleep with Anna.



No longer thirsty, I turned around and went back to bed.





Chapter 16



Rain



I heard Kellan's car in the driveway around lunchtime. It didn't turn off, and after a door opening and closing, he sped off again. A few moments later, Anna entered through the front door, dressed in her clothes from last night, looking happy and extremely satisfied.



I bit back my anger as she sat down on the couch beside me. It wasn't her fault that she had fallen for Kellan's allure. No, all of my anger was reserved for him...he had promised. "Good night last night?" I asked flatly.



She flopped back on the couch and smiling widely, laid her head back on the cushions. "Oh...god, you have no idea."



Actually, I did.



"Kellan took us to Matt and Griffin's place and-"



I really didn't want to hear about it. "Ugh, please don't tell me."



She frowned and looked over at me; she did enjoy a good sex story. "Fine." She grinned again and leaned over at me. "You and Denny took off in a hurry." She raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Kellan said you guys needed alone time." She giggled. "How was your night?"



Guilt, anger and embarrassment coursed through me. Kellan told her we needed 'alone time'? "I don't want to talk about that either, Anna," I said quietly.



She flopped back on the couch and sulked. "Fine." She looked over at me. "Can I just tell you this one thing-"



"No!"



She sighed loudly. "Fine." We were both silent for awhile. "You okay, sis?" She frowned at me.



I laid my head back on the cushion and tried to ease my expression. "Yeah...just tired, didn't sleep much." I instantly regretted saying that.



She grinned knowingly. "Ahhh yeah! That's my girl!"



Denny made the three of us lunch, and Anna looked at him approvingly. I guess being handy in the kitchen bought Denny bonus points with her. She bit her lip several times during our meal, and I knew she was holding back her little story that she was dying to tell me. I prayed she would keep her mouth firmly shut - I didn't want to hear it. I was pretty positive it would kill me if I did hear about it. The mental play-by-play that I had supplied myself with was bad enough.



I kept my eyes on Denny instead as I ate the cashew chicken salad he'd made for us. It was incredibly good; he really was quite handy in the kitchen. He smiled warmly at me, his deep brown eyes calm and peaceful. Last night had been...intense between us. I cringed mentally, knowing that it was a different memory for me than for him. For him, it had probably just been us reconnecting after a too-long separation. For me, it was...not that simple.



Anna and Denny supplied ninety percent of the conversation as I quietly watched them. My own thoughts were too conflicted to speak in coherent sentences. After a long afternoon of watching the two of them have the breezy conversations that I wished I could have with my charming sister, it was time to pack up her things and get her to the airport.



Anna gave me a warm goodbye hug. "Thanks for letting me finally visit." She smiled coyly. "It was...fun." I cringed mentally, but outwardly smiled. "Next time we'll do more together, just the two of us...okay?" She smiled sweetly at me and I hugged her again.



"Yeah, okay, Anna."



She pulled back and looked at me intently. Speaking quickly, she added, "Please tell Kellan thank you for me." She grabbed my arm and still speaking fast, so that I wouldn't stop her, she excitedly said, "I know you don't want to hear about it, but, god, last night was so unexpectedly amazing! Like, the best night of my life amazing." She smiled brilliantly.



"Oh," was all I could squeak out.



"Oh...yeah." She giggled and bit her lip. "The best...multiples...if you know what I mean."



I did...and I really wished I didn't.



She sighed. "Oh god, I wish I could stay..."



God, I wished she would hurry and leave.



They announced that her flight was boarding and she looked over at the gate, then back to me. "I'll miss you." She hugged me again then pulled back, smiling. "I'll come back soon." She kissed my cheek. "Love you."



"Love you too..."



She walked over to Denny, who was standing a little ways away from us, giving us space, and threw her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "I'll miss you too." She grabbed his bottom before she walked away. "Stud," she muttered, making Denny...and me, blush.



Then my crazy, impulsive sister boarded her plane and went back home to Ohio, unknowingly leaving my world a little more tangled than she had found it.



Kellan still wasn't home when we got back from the airport. In fact, I didn't see Kellan at all that night. I didn't see him until late in the evening the following night, when he and the D-Bags strolled into Pete's while I was working. I glanced over at him cautiously as he entered. I had no idea what to expect from him. He was wearing different clothes than the night of the club, a thin, gray t-shirt that hugged his muscles distractingly under his black leather jacket, and his favorite faded jeans. He looked freshly showered, his chunky, alluring spikes gone, so he had gone home at some point. He looked over my way and gave me a tiny smile and a nod. Well, he wasn't ignoring me then.



I wasn't sure if I wasn't ignoring him however - the jerk had promised! The more I thought about that, and the more vivid the horrid pictures became in my mind, the more I ignored him. I rarely went to the guys table. Evan eventually flagged me down and without asking what they wanted, I just brought them beers - it was all they ever ordered anyway. I said nothing as I set the beers down. I listened to nothing as I set the beers down. I did my best to mentally escape my body. I didn't want to deal with him.