Toll the Hounds

‘What? Oh. Here,’ and he drew out a pouch, ‘In full Kruppe, you are witness to this, so don’t try anything, Leff. Not you either, Scotch. Walk it straight over to Gareb’s. Get the chit saying I’m cleared, too. Then come straight hack here and I’ll buy you all lunch.’



Scorch was looking back and forth between Torvald and Kruppe, and finally of the latter he asked, ‘What was that you said about Gareb?’



Kruppe swallowed, licked his lips, and said, ‘Why, only that a dastardly thief broke into his estate last night and stole his entire hoard. The poor man! And ’tis said the thief stole much more than that-why, the wife’s dignity, too, or at least her innocence in so far as nonmarital intercourse is concerned.’



‘Hold on,’ Leff said. ‘The thief slept with Gareb’s wife? Where was Gareb?’



‘At a moneylenders meeting, Kruppe understands, discussing important matters and, no doubt, eating his fill of grapes and whatnot.’



‘Well then,’ Torvald Nom said, ‘won’t he be happy I’ve returned to repay my debt.’



‘Won’t he just!’ said Kruppe, beaming once more.



Leff took the bag of coins and peered inside. ‘All there?’



‘All there,’ Torvald replied.’



Leff rose and said, ‘Let’s get this done with, Scorch.’



When the two were gone, Torvald Nom sat back in his chair and smiled at Kruppe.



Who smiled back.



And when that was done with, Kruppe collected another pastry and held it be-fore his mouth, in order to more closely observe its delight, and perhaps torture it a moment before his mouth opened like a bear’s jagged maw. Poised thus, he paused to glance over at Torvald Nom. ‘Upstairs, dear sir, you shall find, if you so desire, a cousin of renown. Like you, suddenly returned to fair Darujhistan. None other than Rallick, among the Noms of House Nom one might presume a sheep blacker than you. Indeed, the very black of nadir, the Abyss, whilst you might re-veal a lesser black, such as charcoal. Two sheep, then, in this very inn, of a very dark hue-why, could Kruppe but witness such a meeting!’ And time now to lift an admonishing finger. ‘But listen, dear friend Torvald Nom, most clandestine is Rallick’s return, yes? Seal thy lips, I beg you!’



‘He’s in hiding? Who from?’



A flutter of pudgy fingers, like worms in a reef-bed. ‘Quick, then, lest he depart on some fell errand. Kruppe will save your seat here against your return-he so looks forward to the sumptuous lunch for which Torvald will pay and pay hap-pily!’



Torvald was suddenly sweating, and he fidgeted in the chair. ‘The reunion can, er, wait. Really, why would I want to bother him right now? No, honest, Kruppe, and as for secret, well, I’ll keep it just fine, provided you, er, do the same. Say nothing to Rallick, I mean. Let me… surprise him!’



‘Rallick has little love for surprises, Torvald Nom, as you must surely know. Why, just last night he-’



‘Just don’t say anything, all right?’



‘Oh, aren’t conspiracies delicious? Kruppc will say nothing to no one, none to worry no matter what. This is a most solemn promise most solemnly promised! Now, old friend, be so good as to accost yon Meese o’er there-some wine to loosen the throats prior to vast meal, yes? Kruppe’s mouth salivates and, perhaps, so too sniffles his nose-all in anticipation, yes?’



‘If this is what I want, then I don’t want it.’



‘Oh, now that makes sense, Antsy. And if you happen to be a short bow-legged red-faced crab of a man, well, you’d rather be a short bow-legged red-faced crab of a-’



‘You’re an idiot, Bluepearl, and that don’t change no matter what you want. What I’m saying is simple, right? Even you should grasp the meaning. A soldier retires, right? And looks to a life all simple and peaceful, but is it?’



‘Is it which?’



‘What?’



‘Is it simple or is it peaceful?’



‘It isn’t and that’s my point!’



‘That wasn’t your point. Your point was you don’t want it and if that’s the case, then head on over to the Malazan Embassy and throw yourself on the mercy of whoever and if they don’t hang you they’ll sign you up all over again.’



‘The point was, I’d like being retired if I only could be!’



‘I’m going to the cellar to check on stock.’



Antsy watched him leave, then snorted and shook his head. ‘That man needs help.’



‘So go help him,’ Blend said from the next table over.