A Great and Terrible Beauty

"I cannot dance another step with you or I shall be bruised for a week."



"You're the one who can't remember the rhythm," Ann chides, following me into the hall.



"And you can't remember that my feet and the floor are not one and the same."



Ann starts to retort, but we're interrupted by the sight of Felicity barreling down the hall. She waves a sheet of paper over her head.



"He's coming! He's coming!"



"Who's coming?" I say.



She grabs our hands and twirls us around in a circle. "My father! I've just had a note. He's coming for Assembly Day! Oh, isn't it marvelous?" She stops. "Gracious, I've got to get ready. I've got to prepare. Well, come ondon't just stand here! If I don't learn how to waltz like a proper lady by Sunday, I'm doomed!"



Paradise has turned sour. Mother and I are fighting.



"But why can't we take the magic out of the realms where it could do some real good?"



"I've told youit isn't safe yet . Once you do that, once you bring magic back through the portal, it's fully open. Anyone who knows how could get in." She pauses, tries to get herself under control. I remember these fights now--the ones that used to make me hate her.



I pull up a clump of berries, twirl them in my hands. "You could help me do it. Then I'd be safe."



Mother takes the berries away. "No, I can't. I can't go back, Gemma."



"You don't want to help Father." It's a hurtful thing to say, and I know it.



She takes a deep breath. "That's unfair."



"You don't trust me. You don't think I'm capable!"



"Oh, for heaven's sake, Gemma." Her eyes flash. "Just yesterday you weren't able to tell the difference between a cloud and an illusion. The dark spirit under Circe's control is much more cunning than that. How do you propose to banish it?"



"Why can't you tell me how?" I snap. "Because I don't know! There is no hard rule, do you understand? It's a matter of knowing the spirit in question, knowing its vulnerability. It's a matter of not allowing it to use your vulnerabilities against you."



"What if I just used a bit of magic, just enough to help Father and my friends with itnothing else?"



She takes me by the shoulders like a child. "Gemma, you must listen to me. Do not take the magic out of the realms. Promise me."



"Yes, fine!" I say, tearing out of her grasp. I can't believe we're fighting again. My eyes are hot with tears. "I'm sorry. Assembly Day is tomorrow. I need sleep."



She nods. "See you tomorrow?"



I'm too angry to answer her. I march off to join my friends. Felicity is poised on the crest of the hill, pulling back on her bow. She looks like the bas-relief of a goddess. With a sharp snap, she lets it fly and it splits a piece of wood cleanly in two. The huntress commends her, and the two of them huddle together in conference. I can't help wondering what it is they talk about on their hunts or why Felicity tells me less and less. Perhaps I've been too engrossed in my own questions to ask any of her.



Pippa is lying in the hammock while her knight regales her with some tale of chivalrous deeds done on her behalf. He gazes at her as if she's the only girl in the world. And she drinks it in like ambrosia. Ann is busy singing, gazing into the river, where she has assembled a make-believe audience of hundreds who clap and sigh and adore her. I'm the only one chafing here, feeling discontented and powerless. The thrill of our adventures has begun to wear off. What good is it to have this supposed power if I can't use it?



Pippa finally strides over, twirling a rose in her hands. "I wish I could stay here forever."



"Well, you can't," I tell her.



"Why not?" Ann asks, coming up behind me. Her hair is loose and wavy across her shoulders.



"Because this is not a place to stay," I answer, defensively. "It's a place of dreams."



"What if I choose the dream instead?" Pippa says. It's such a Pippa thing to sayfoolish and taunting.



"What if I refuse to bring you here the next time?"



Felicity has managed to pierce a small rabbit. It hangs limp and lifeless from her arrow. "What is the matter?"



Pippa pouts. "It's Gemma. She doesn't want to bring us back."



Felicity is still holding the bloody arrow in one hand. "What's all this, Gemma?" Her face is grim and determined and I find myself breaking the staring contest by looking away. "I didn't say that."