A Place Without You

“BECAUSE IT’S MY FAULT HE’S IN A WHEELCHAIR!”

The horse neighs and rears back a bit. Bodhi tightens the reins. After the horse settles down, Bodhi looks at me with regret. “In another life … I would be with you. Marry you. Have babies with you. Just … not in this one. I’m sorry.” He gives the horse a gentle nudge with his feet and rides off.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Christmas

We open presents. Juni and Zach got me new luggage for my new adventure—and clothes.

“I couldn’t resist.” Juni shrugs, knowing that our tastes in fashion are not the same.

“I love them.” I fold the last item and set it next to me on the floor by the mammoth tree filling the spacious room with the scent of pine. “A new adventure calls for a new look. I’m sure you know what’s trendy around the world more than I do.”

“They’re just clothes. You’ll find your own international style as you make your way through new-to-you countries. God … the handmade items you’ll find are just extraordinary. Nothing like you’d ever find off a rack here in the U.S.” Juni gives me the best smile. Her excitement for me bleeds through every word.

We enjoy a small family dinner. It’s the first year in nearly a decade that it’s just been the three of us at the table on Christmas. It’s usually filled with grandparents and close friends. This year everyone else had other plans, and while it’s kind of a bummer that I won’t get to say as many goodbyes, I find it perfect that it’s just the three of us.

“We’re going to watch a movie. Care to join us?” Zach asks as my mom makes hot chocolate.

“I’m going to watch something in my room if that’s okay?” I slip on my boots, coat, hat, and gloves.

“Sure.” Zach gives me a big hug and kiss on the forehead. “Merry Christmas, darling.”

“Merry Christmas.” I close my eyes for a second and just enjoy his embrace.

“Sweet dreams.” Juni leans in while holding two mugs and kisses my cheek. “See you in the morning.”

I nod and smile while closing the door. The snow crunches under my boots when I step off the last porch step. “What are you doing?” I whisper to the wind, to Bodhi a mile down the mountain from me. Is he with his family? Is he watching an old movie? Is he …

Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I message him because I’m leaving, and I don’t give a shit about traceable calls and messages. I’m not his student. I’m not sure I’m his anything.

Me: I only wanted one thing for Christmas, but I didn’t get it. Hope you got everything you wanted. Merry Christmas.