A Place Without You

“What’s going through your head right now?” I whisper.

“Lyrics.”

“A song?”

He nods slowly.

“What song?”

“Our song.”

“We have a song?”

“Dave Matthews Band.”

I smile, he doesn’t have to say the title. I already know. We are Henna and Bodhi. “You and Me.”

“You and Me,” he echoes the title in a whisper before capturing my lips just like he did to my heart years ago. As we kiss one last time, I think of the lyrics—packing a bag, disappearing, taking a boat and not stopping until we’ve reached the end of the world because together we can do anything. Those words are our life when we are limitless.

CHAPTER FORTY

“Good morning. I wasn’t sure I’d see you.” Juni winks.

Fiona smiles while serving me a cup of coffee.

“You’re flying back out to California today. Of course I’d be here for breakfast with you. Why would you think otherwise?”

“I got a firsthand look at Mr. Bodhi Malone.” She grins behind her coffee mug.

My lips lose the battle at playing it cool. “It was after midnight by the time he dropped me off.”

“He’s hot.”

Here we go. The conversation I always wondered if I could have with my mom even if I think of her as Juni, my best friend. I give it a go. “Yes. He’s that and more.”

“More?” She hums. “More is good.”

I sip my coffee, feeling flushed from this topic. “More is …” My words skid to a stop before leaping off my tongue. Can I say more is what happened against the side of Alice last night?

She studies me for a few seconds. “Zach and I still go at it like rabbits.”

I choke on my coffee. “Mom!” There’s my answer. She might welcome this conversation with me, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world for having this cool mom, but I don’t think I can do this.

“Come on, Henna.” She reaches across the table and squeezes my arm. “I’ve been waiting for years to have this conversation with you. I’ve told you to live life, and sex should be one of the greatest human experiences you have. Why do you think the world is so abundantly populated? Why do you think ZIP Tunes is the most successful record label? Humans are sexual beings. We are emotional beings. When we’re not having sex, we’re thinking about sex. When we’re not thinking about sex, we’re working hard so we can have homes, beds, cars, yachts … jets.” She smirks. “And all of these are just places to have sex!”

My laugh stays in for maybe two seconds before I lose it. Juni laughs too. We laugh together until we’re in tears. I love my mom, my friend. While I know her sex speech holds a lot of truth, she preached it because she knew I needed this. After everything that happened yesterday, this sidesplitting laughter is exactly what I need.

Wiping the tears away, I giggle a few more times. My face and sides hurt from laughing so hard. “Bodhi is hot. And sexy. He’s very … generous.” My teeth dig into my bottom lip as I gauge her reaction. I can’t believe I’m telling her this, but I am. “He touches me like he owns every part of my body and his large hands do it quite well. It’s confident and so fucking sexy. Sometimes it’s gentle as if we have something emotional to say, but we can’t find the words. And sometimes it’s …”

I’m on fire. Fiona could fry an egg on my cheeks.

“Raw.” Juni finishes my thoughts. “Primal. Like it pisses you off that you can’t get any closer. Every sense comes to life, hungry to be satisfied. And when you’re close to that moment, you don’t give a single fuck about anything else in the world. Your brain shuts down, lending every ounce of energy to taking and giving the most indescribable pleasure.”

My mouth hangs open, hands wrapped around my coffee mug.

Juni lifts an eyebrow. “And if it’s not like that for you, then we need to talk some more because it should be like that. Don’t settle for anything less.”

I continue to stare at her.

“God …” She shakes her head. “Of all the mornings for you to be sober. This is the one when I wish your tongue was a little more relaxed.”

I chuckle, coming out of my stupor. “Fine. What do you want to know? Is sex with Bodhi good? Yes. It’s mind-bending. What’s my favorite part? When he goes down on me followed by that first thrust when he’s inside of me while I’m still feeling the effects from my orgasm. It’s when I feel completely possessed by him. Does he hold me when it’s over? Yes. We sleep tangled in each other’s arms. But …”

Juni hasn’t blinked. She’s eating every morsel of information I give her while resting her elbows on the table, face perched in her hands like she can’t keep her head up. And maybe she can’t. I just gave her a mother lode of information about my sex life.

“But …” She almost chokes on the word.

Have I rendered the confident super model speechless?

“But it’s more. It’s just more, and that more can’t be defined.” I swallow hard as my eyes fill with a new kind of tears, and my lower lip starts to tremble.

“Sweetie.” She gets up and comes around to my side of the table and hugs me from behind my chair, resting her chin on my shoulder. “What’s going on?’

“I’m going to lose him.” I choke on the last word and shake with a silent sob.

“No. Why would you lose him?”

Because I’m going to help his father die, and he’s not going to see it as Barrett setting him free … he’s going to hate me—the kind of hate that’s greater than any love.

“When his dad dies, I think it will change us.”

Mom squeezes me tighter. “Ridiculous. He will need you more than ever before.”

Closing my eyes, I let her comfort me even if she has no idea what that really means right now.

*

I get to Bodhi’s house just as he reaches the end of the gravel drive at the main road. When he sees me, the huge grin on his face feels like a knife in my heart. He stops and gets out. Before I can say good morning, he has my face cradled in his hands, and his lips are fused to mine.

No lemon yet. He’s all minty and his skin has that fresh, after-shower woodsy scent. I tell my hands to stay out of his hair since he’s on his way to work, but they don’t listen very well. He moans when I claim his slightly longer hair in my fists, deepening the kiss because every one of them feels like the last one.

“Good morning, Hell,” he whispers, releasing my lips.

“Morning.” I grin, stepping back to give my head some oxygen before I pass out. “You look sexy as fuck, Mr. Malone. I kinda want to pay a visit to your place of business and test out those cafeteria tables for weight load.”

He adjusts himself while shaking his head. “You’re going to destroy me. You know that, right?”

My heart pauses for a few seconds. He has no idea just how much I’m going to destroy him, and not in a sexy way.

“Is it wrong that I want Gail to know what we did against Alice last night?”

He looks at his watch then palms the back of my head, stealing one last kiss that leaves my knees wobbling a bit. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t want her to know.” He grins. “Gotta go. Etta made oatmeal. See if you can get my dad to eat some. I left a message with his doctor’s office this morning. Can you please go with Etta to take him to his appointment if they can get him in today?”

I nod slowly as he gets into the driver’s seat.

“Thank you so much. You’re the best.”

I’m not.

“Have a good day. Don’t let any skanky hoes in your office.”

He pauses just before closing the door. A smile rides up his face. “Jealous?”

“Don’t play with me, Mr. Malone. Your hands belong to my ass.”

His gaze strips me in one heated sweep of my body. “Oh, Henna, we’re definitely going to play later. But for now, I have to be professional and a gentleman.” Bodhi shuts his door and mouths I love you as he pulls out onto the main road.

On a deep sigh, I make my way down to the house. As expected, it smells like oatmeal with lots of cinnamon as I slip off my shoes and set down my bag inside the door.

“Good morning.”

Etta turns from the stove. “Good morning. Oatmeal?”

“I’m good for now. I had an early breakfast with my mom.”

She turns off the gas burner and grabs her cup of coffee. “What you both did yesterday—”

I cut her off with a quick head shake. “Etta, we did nothing compared to all you did and what you endured. I’m a little surprised to see you here today.”

“Barrett and I are good.” She gives me a sad smile. “I’ve been through a lot with him. My reaction yesterday was grief for him and his struggle more than the breakdown that he had over the food I made. It’s incredibly difficult to watch him fall apart and not be able to do anything to help him.”

“It is.” I nod, thinking of what we can do to help him. “He still asleep?”

She shakes her head. “Bathroom. He hasn’t had a bowel movement in two weeks. He’s miserable, and in his words completely emasculated since he needs help from me to get on and off the toilet.”