All I Want

“Shut up, Jacobs,” CJ says, stepping in between us and preventing me from moving any closer, which I unknowingly had been doing. He motions with his head toward the floor. “Is that what he had on him?”

I follow his eyes and bend down, grabbing the small plastic baggie. “Yeah. He had pot, too. Tessa said he snorted a bunch of coke before he attacked her, so I’m sure you’ll find it when you run his panels.”

“Did she take any?” Jacobs asks, looking over my shoulder in the direction of the hallway.

My jaw ticks just below my ear. “No, she didn’t.”

“Maybe I should verify that myself.”

“Go ahead. I’ll let Ben know you’re testing his sister for drugs when I call him. I’m sure he’ll be really understanding about that.”

“All right,” CJ says, pressing a hand against my chest and backing me off. He looks over his shoulder and nods toward Tyler, who is barely standing up. “Get him out of here. I’ll be down in a minute.”

After staring me down for several seconds, Jacobs moves and grabs Tyler, pulling him off the wall. “Let’s go.”

When he steps out, I sit on the arm of the couch and grab my shoulder, wincing as I move it around.

“You need to go get checked out,” CJ says, looking up at me as he picks up the bag containing one marijuana cigarette that was left on the coffee table. He seals it up and puts it in his pocket, scanning the area one last time before he moves across from me.

“I’m fine. I’m just beat.”

“You sure she’s okay?” he asks, glancing behind me.

I nod, standing. “Yeah, she’s tough. You know Tessa. Shit rolls right off her back.”

In fact, I’m sure her recovery time from this will be a hell of a lot shorter than mine. She’s practically immune to anything that would normally trigger an emotional breakdown in people.

He laughs, smiling in agreement. “All right, man. Take it easy.”

I shove the door closed behind him, hearing it crackle as it latches into the splinted doorframe, and drop my head against the wood. My body feels heavy, as if my bones have been hollowed out and filled with cement. The corner of my mouth tastes metallic, the dried blood re-liquefying with the wetness of my tongue. My shoulder burns, and my right hand doesn’t seem to flex as well as it should, but these injuries are nothing compared to the discomfort throbbing where the weakest part of me lies.

Seriously? My heart couldn’t stay out of this shit?

Strike three.

I run my fingers over the sensitive skin of my neck while the water beats down on my head. The slightest bit of pressure has me sucking in a breath, but I do it anyway, probing until I’m on the brink of crying out. Then I ease off a bit, wait a few seconds, and press down again.

At this point, I deserve to feel the pain.

I ignored the signs, and there were several, flashing in blinding neon lights with warnings about that asshole’s odd behavior. But did I listen? Did I even hesitate in the slightest when it came time to meet up with a complete stranger, and then proceed to bring him back to my place? Alone?

No, I didn’t.

My pussy was running the show, and she’s the dumbest bitch I’ve ever met.

I was so fucking dead-set on getting laid and making last summer a distant memory, I blocked out the tiny, cautionary voice in my head and nearly got myself killed. My own apprehension didn’t stop me; Luke couldn’t stop me. Hell, if anything, I was more driven to leave with Tyler after Luke voiced his opinion of the situation.

Don’t do something stupid right now.

His words fill my head as I let it hang between my shoulders, digging harder into the tender spot on my neck until a muted whimper escapes my lips. I drop my hand when I can’t take it anymore, when my legs nearly give out and my entire body begins to tremble from the sting.

But even then, I still feel it. The pain I’ve felt during the past year remains a constant, like a fever that won’t break.

I stay in the shower for what feels like hours, only finally stepping out once all the hot water has been used. I wrap a towel around me, lifting my gaze to the mirror above my sink, and stare at my reflection.

Skin flushed, eyes tired and swollen, a shake in my hand as I raise it to wipe the water drops off my forehead. I turn away when I don’t want to look anymore, when I no longer feel any sympathy for the girl staring back at me. I open the bathroom door and peer down the hallway toward the living room, greeted only by silence.

“Luke?”

I investigate further and find an empty apartment. A tidied up empty apartment. The vacuum is out, propped against the wall, and the coffee table has been moved slightly. But other than that, everything is in order. No signs of a struggle. Nothing giving away that anything out of the ordinary happened tonight.

Except for me. I give it away.

I half expected to find Luke waiting for me so he could rip me a new one, or rub in the fact that I should’ve listened to him, but he’s gone. As is the asshole that brought him here. Maybe he’s said enough to me tonight. He’s done enough, that’s for sure. I don’t want to think about what could’ve happened if he hadn’t shown up.

I’ve never been scared like that. I’ve never felt anything even close to that kind of panic. And it had worsened with the sound of Luke screaming my name, trying to get to me.

He won’t make it, I’d thought. The fear in his voice is the last sound I’ll hear.