All the Ugly and Wonderful Things

Then Liam came, and he and Uncle Sean slapped each other on the back. Loud thumping slaps that made my shoulders tight. I didn’t want to stay there, but I didn’t want to leave Donal alone with them. He was still little.

Uncle Sean tried to lift Donal up the same way Kellen did and said, “God, he’s big! Are you serious he’s only six?”

“He turned six back in January,” Mama said.

“I thought he was born in March.”

“January,” Mama said. “And he’s big for his age.”

Liam picked Donal up, too, and said, “He’s gonna be a giant.”

“Like Kellen!” Donal shouted. Mama frowned when he said that, but I hoped he was right.

“Let’s have dinner,” she said.

She took down Grandma’s cookbook and flipped through it. Nothing belongs to you. It didn’t matter that Grandma gave the cookbook to me. All Mama had to do was hold it in her hands and it was hers.

“Oh, please, the good meatloaf,” Sean said.

“Yeah, baby,” Liam said.

Donal, too: “Meatloaf!”

“Alright, alright!” It made Mama smile, everyone asking her to feed them.

Uncle Sean went to buy groceries with the list Mama wrote, and he said, “You wanna come with me, Don? Ride in the Corvette?”

I wanted to hug Donal before he left, because what if Uncle Sean didn’t bring him back? But he ran out to the car before I could.

They came back laughing and made a mess. Hamburger blood dripped off the counter onto the floor, and Mama and Liam snorted meth off the kitchen table, where it left dust under the metal edge that was so hard to keep clean.

They made so much noise. A broken plate, Liam laughing, Donal squealing. Then Uncle Sean turned on the radio and danced Mama around while the potatoes burned.

“Damn, you’re gorgeous. Why don’t you leave this chump and run away with me?”

Mama laughed but her eyes looked hot and scary.

“Here, now, are you trying to romance my wife right under my nose?” Liam said.

Uncle Sean laughed and twirled Mama around, while Liam set the table.

“Oh, Liam, put a plate on the table for her anyway,” Mama said. Her eyes were so soft when she looked at me standing in the hallway, but I knew not to trust those eyes.

“I’m not gonna sit here with her watching us eat,” Liam said.

“But your mama made the good meatloaf. You don’t want any?” Uncle Sean came toward me with a green olive in his hand, but when I ducked my head, he laughed and popped the olive in his own mouth.

Pulling up chairs to the table, no one else noticed the rumble of the Panhead coming up the drive. They were too busy putting food on their plates: burned mashed potatoes and greasy meatloaf, because Mama forgot to put bread in the bottom of the pan.

“Damn, did you smell the meatloaf from down the hill?” Liam said, when Kellen walked in. “This son of a bitch can eat, in case you couldn’t tell.”

Uncle Sean laughed and stood up to shake hands. “Come on, pull up a chair.”

“Thanks, but I just came to get Wavy.” Kellen looked at me for a second, not long enough. Liam made me invisible. I needed Kellen to see me.

“Get Wavy for what?” Mama said.

“To go for a ride.”

“Uh-oh, Wavy, Donal’s gonna eat your meatloaf if you don’t.” Uncle Sean reached out with another green olive stolen from the meatloaf. Donal opened his mouth and took it.

That scared me. What if it wasn’t dangerous for Donal to be with Liam and Sean, because he was one of them?

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mama said. “It’s dinner time, Kellen, and we’ve got company. She’s staying here to visit with her uncle.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know. Maybe tomorrow, Wavy.”

Kellen went out and closed the door. His boots thumped down the porch steps, but I didn’t hear his bike start. He was outside waiting for me.

“Make her go up to her room,” Liam said to Mama.

I thought about going after Kellen. The only question was whether to leave Donal. I slipped my fingers between the slats of his chair and pinched him hard in the side.

“Ow!” He turned around and looked at me with confused, almost-crying eyes.

“Wavy, what did you do to your brother?” Mama said.

“Nothing,” Donal said.

He wasn’t one of them.

*   *   *

I pressed my ear to the floor in my room, but all I could hear was laughing and talking. Later someone came up the stairs, slow like Kellen, but not as big. Donal.

“Mama says for me to sleep up here so Uncle Sean can have my bed,” he said.

I fell asleep beside Donal and woke up to something that wasn’t laughing.

“Yeah, well, I’m your brother, so I think that makes the situation special.”

Was it Liam or Uncle Sean? Through the floor it was hard to tell.

“Is that the whole reason you came here? Put on this big brother act?” Liam.

“Baby, why couldn’t we?” Mama.

“Stay the fuck outta this, Val. It’s not your money, so shut your trap.”

“It’s just a loan. I guess I thought it mattered that I took care of Val after you got arrested,” Sean said.

“Don’t throw that in my face,” Liam said.

Then it was all shouting and the sound of things breaking and someone getting hit. I couldn’t tell who was who until Mama screamed. Then it was Liam who said, “You fucking whore,” and Mama who said, “Don’t. Don’t. Please, Liam.”