All the Ugly and Wonderful Things

“Mermaid.”

“I didn’t know mermaids attacked people and tried to drown them. You’re like something outta that Friday the 13th movie.”

She grinned, and before she sank back under the water, I saw something I wished I hadn’t. With her undershirt plastered to her, there was no way to avoid knowing she had tits now. I felt like an idiot for being shocked, because she was growing up and not just taller.

I figured I’d tell one of Liam’s girls to take Wavy shopping and get her some bras. Except if I did, would Dee or Sandy think I was a pervert for noticing? Anyway, I got over being bothered by buying Maxi Pads for Val. For all I knew I was buying them for Wavy, too. When she wrote them on the shopping list, I didn’t ask who they were for.

It couldn’t be that hard to take her into a store and say, “She needs a bra.” Except Wavy might think I was a pervert for noticing.

I was still worrying it over in my head, when she swam back to the edge and held out her hands.

“You can get yourself out. I’m not falling for that mermaid shit again,” I said.

I guess I sounded more pissed off than worried, because she gave me a sad look and crossed her heart. Drew an X over her little tit, where her nipple stood out hard under the wet undershirt. Wasn’t gonna be able to forget that either.

“Yeah, yeah, you promise.” When I turned my back to her, she touched my arm.

“I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t her fault I felt weird, so I hauled her up on my back, dripping water all over. I tried to set her down, but she hugged me tight around my shoulders and kissed the side of my neck.

With her teeth chattering in my ear, she whispered, “I love you.”

That was all I cared about.

7

WAVY

“Wavy? Your mom’s a little upset. Could you come down and talk to her?” Patty said.

I liked Patty okay. She was better than Casey the day nurse, who had a big smiley voice. It was Patty’s job to be there at night and listen to Mama cry and say awful things. She sounded scared.

I was getting ready to go riding with Kellen, but I went downstairs.

At least the nurses didn’t let Mama lie in bed all day and not wash. I was learning their tricks. How to say, “Let’s get up and brush your teeth. Little steps. Sit up first and then we’ll try to stand up.”

At first, Mama had been horrible to look at. Black and purple, and then green and yellow, but now she was just Mama. Crying and screaming, “Alone!”

I went into her bedroom and closed the door, trying not to be angry that she was stealing time from Kellen. I stood next to the bed, but I didn’t touch her. All Mama wanted was someone to listen.

First it was Grandma. Grandma always liked Aunt Brenda better. Grandma never liked Liam. She never came to visit when Donal and I were born. But how could Grandma come visit if Mama never told her where we were?

Then Liam. Liam and his dirty whores. Liam always thinking with his dick. Liam Liam Liam. I was old enough to know there wasn’t any real magic in the words not to be trusted, but it made my head hurt how Mama would say his name over and over without that protection. Like she wanted him to come and hurt her.

“You can’t trust them, baby. As soon as they’ve got your pussy, they want some other girl’s pussy. Liam, that’s all he wants, notches in his belt. Sean, too. That’s all I ever was. A score. And don’t think that diamond ring means anything.”

Mama grabbed my hand and glared at my ring.

“Kellen bought you that, didn’t he? Liam says, ‘Hell, in some countries I’d have to pay him to take her off my hands.’ He thinks it’s funny. And you’re so stupid you think it’s romantic. Let me tell you a secret, that ring doesn’t mean shit.”

I jerked my hand away and hid it behind my back.

“Kellen is like every other man. All he’s thinking about is getting to fuck you. That’s all they think about. I thought when Liam put a ring on my finger, he would love me forever, but it was a lie. You want that ring, too? I sure don’t need it.”

Mama tried to reach for the night table drawer, but her shoulder still hurt. She flopped back on the bed and moaned. Tears ran out of her, so much water it was like a flood that I soaked up with the corner of the sheet.

“Is everything okay?” Patty said outside.

“Baby,” Mama moaned. The mean went out of her eyes and they were only sad. “Be careful. Don’t do what I did and get knocked up, because then you’ll be stuck. Baby, are you listening?”

I didn’t want to listen, but Mama petted my arm. So soft. Almost like Kellen when he touched my hair. I hoped it wasn’t a trick.

“Make him get you on the Pill, okay? Or if he won’t do it, have Dee take you. Will you do that?”

There were so many pills. The pills Sandy took so she wouldn’t get pregnant. The pills she took to make her happy. The pills Mama took. I didn’t want any pills.

“You can’t trust him, baby. He’ll get into you. You can’t get clean once that happens. And then he’ll break your heart, like Liam did mine. But you’re special. Nobody can touch you, okay? Promise?”

Mama dug her nails into my arm.

“Promise me, baby.” It was a trick. She was going to make me promise something and I didn’t even know what I was supposed to promise. Not to trust Kellen? Not to let him creep into me? To take the pills? That nobody would touch me?

Mama was trying to ruin Kellen. To make him bad like Liam.