Almost Perfect

“I never got to do that before,” he revealed quietly. “Put him to bed.”

There was nothing accusatory in his tone, and still she felt as if he’d hit her in the stomach. Her body stiffened as guilt flooded her. Then like a montage in a movie, she saw her son’s life as a series of pictures.

Somehow in the challenge of raising a baby alone, she’d forgotten about the magical moments Ethan had missed. The first smile, first step, first word. First day of school, first friend. But even more painful were the everyday things she took for granted. The moments that made a relationship.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered and sank onto the sofa. “I’m so sorry.”

He sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her. For once, she let herself lean on someone as everything crashed in on her. Being back in town, the stress with her nieces, the reality of dealing with Ethan again. He might be the cause, but he was also the only safe haven she’d ever known. While their time together had ended badly, that was for another time. This was about now and maybe what could have been.

“I never wanted it to be like this,” she muttered, fighting tears.

He touched his fingers to her chin, easing her head up until they looked at each other.

“I know,” he told her.

“It’s mostly your fault,” she declared with a sniff.

“I’ll take some of the blame.”

“I can’t believe you married Rayanne.”

She hadn’t meant to say that and as soon as the words popped out, she covered her mouth.

“I take it back,” she said quickly. “I’m sure she was lovely.” After all, Pia had changed into a nice, normal person. Rayanne could have had the same sort of transformation.

He angled toward her, his hand resting on her shoulder. “You mean, why did I marry her?”

“I didn’t ask you that. I’m assuming the normal kind of thing. Dating, falling in love, marriage.”

His dark gaze held hers. “You know about my bike crash in my senior year of college?”

She nodded.

“It was a moment of bad judgment or bad luck. I zigged when I should have zagged.” He shrugged. “I hit Josh’s bike, but I was the one who went down. I was hurt bad enough that I couldn’t race again.”

“That must have changed everything.” She remembered how he’d loved the sport. How winning mattered more than nearly anything. Without wanting to, she recalled the night he’d vowed that she was more important than anything else. How he loved her more than winning. She’d been young enough and foolish enough to want to believe him.

“I didn’t take it well,” he admitted. “I was angry and blamed Josh. He felt guilty enough that we didn’t talk for over ten years.”

That stunned her. “He was your best friend.”

“Yeah, well, we can both be stubborn. Things are fine now.”

“I hope so.”

“You’re too softhearted.”

“I pretend-murder people for a living. How softhearted can I be?”

“I’ll remember that.” He reached for her hand with his. “I finished school and came back to town. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but I wasn’t going to do it here. A few weeks later, my dad dropped dead of a heart attack. I’m the oldest. Suddenly it was all up to me.”

“The family business,” she murmured. “You never wanted to go into construction.”

“I didn’t have a choice. There were six people depending on me. My mom fell apart. The girls were still in high school, my brothers needed to finish college. So I did what had to be done. But I didn’t like it.”

She hadn’t liked being responsible for a newborn. Maybe that’s what life was about—doing the things that had to be done without expecting anything in return.

“I grew up those first few years,” he admitted. “Painfully, kicking and screaming. Then one day I realized I liked building things. I liked starting a project and seeing it through. By then nearly four years had gone by and I hadn’t been out on a date. One day Rayanne walked into my office and asked me out. It shocked the hell out of me.”

Because Ethan wouldn’t see himself as sexy, smart and dependable. Three irresistible qualities when it came to picking a husband.

“We started dating,” he said, averting his gaze. “One thing led to another. I liked her, but I knew she wasn’t ‘the one.’ The day I planned to break up with her, she told me that she was pregnant.”

Liz did her best to keep her expression neutral. To not give in to the churning emotions inside her.

Pia had already told her that he’d married Rayanne because she was pregnant. But she couldn’t help feeling annoyed. No, more than annoyed.

There was a voice in her demanding why Rayanne and not her? Reminding the voice he hadn’t known she was pregnant didn’t make her feel any better.

“You seem to have a track record of unplanned pregnancies,” she told him. “Haven’t you ever heard about birth control?”

One corner of his mouth turned up. “That’s what my mom said. Only with a little more emotion.”

“I would think so. If we weren’t having this very nice moment, I’d smack you on the back of the head and tell you to be more careful.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She sighed. “So you married her. And then I showed up and because you’d told her about our relationship, she felt threatened.”

“Probably.”

“We’ve both really messed up,” she said.

“I guess we have.”

They smiled at each other then, and she found herself getting lost in his gaze. When he shifted toward her, she moved the last few inches, bringing her mouth to his.

This kiss was more tender than the last one. His firm mouth teased hers, making her melt even as she wrapped her arms around him.

He pulled her closer, their legs tangling on the sofa. She parted her lips and he eased inside, his tongue stroking hers. Need blossomed, but she ignored the wanting. Not only were there three kids upstairs, she wasn’t ready to make love with Ethan. Last time had been unplanned—an event driven by passion. She’d been able to walk away, only slightly scarred by the experience. This time would be different. This time there would be emotional complications and they were the last thing she needed.

Apparently he was feeling the same. They kissed again and again, but he didn’t push things further. She savored the feel of his body next to hers, enjoyed the heat building inside. It had been a long time since she’d really wanted a man. Wanted this man. Because Ethan could do things to her no one else could.

He drew back and they stared at each other.

“I should probably go,” he murmured.

She nodded, and shifted so he could stand. When she rose, he pulled her to him and kissed her again. After glancing at the ceiling, he exhaled slowly.

“You have a houseful of kids up there,” he noted.

“I know.”

He rested his forehead against hers. “Damn.”

She touched his face, rubbing her fingers against the stubble. For a second she allowed herself to think what it would be like if they were alone. If there weren’t other considerations. If she didn’t have to worry about losing her heart to a man she couldn’t trust.

He kissed her lightly, then walked to the door. “I’ll see you soon.”

She nodded and followed him onto the porch. He walked down the steps, along the path, then turned onto the sidewalk. After he was gone, she stood there, looking up at the night sky, admiring the stars. Two months ago her life had been so routine, she thought. So predictable. Things had changed quickly, and she couldn’t be sure where she would be two months from now.

There was something fun about the not knowing, she told herself. Then she leaned against the porch pillar and breathed in the scent of the night.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

LIZ HAD NEVER BEEN TO A WAKE before and wasn’t sure what to wear. And it was blisteringly hot, which limited her options. She settled on a green sleeveless dress and cream-colored sandals. Word of the celebration of Crystal’s too-short life had come from Montana, who had phoned her two days before and asked her to bring a salad. Apparently the wake was a potluck.

As the type of salad hadn’t been specified, Liz had settled on a favorite pasta and mixed lettuce salad that was both healthy and delicious. Normally, she enjoyed making the salad, but this morning her heart hadn’t been in it. Crystal’s death was just too sad, her life over too soon. Even though they hadn’t been close in years, Liz felt the loss of someone she’d considered a friend.

She’d done her best to avoid thinking about where she was going and what would happen when she got there. She had a vision of a bunch of people sitting around in a quiet room, speaking softly, with everyone trying not to cry. Liz didn’t want to share her emotions in public, that was for sure.

But when she got to Jo’s Bar she was surprised to find what sounded like a party going on. The main room was full of people laughing and talking. Music played in the background and a slide show of pictures of Crystal and a handsome young man in a marine uniform flashed on a big-screen TV.

“Hi. Thanks for coming. We’re putting food in the back room,” Montana greeted as Liz entered. “On the pool tables.”

The tone was friendly but not especially welcoming. Sort of the way one spoke to a stranger.

Liz froze. After all this time, was Montana now blaming her for what happened with Ethan and Tyler? She felt stricken. It wasn’t as if she had a lot of friends in town—she didn’t want to lose one now.

“Are you…” she began, only to stop.

While the woman standing in front of her looked very much like Montana, there were differences. Shorter hair, a faint scar on the right cheek. A different way of standing.

Triplets, Liz thought in relief. Montana was one of three identical triplets.

“You’re not who I thought,” Liz explained.

“Who were you expecting?” the other woman asked.

“Montana. I’m Liz Sutton. We met at the girls’ night at my house.”

Ethan’s sister smiled. “I remember. I’m Dakota.”

“Hi.”

“How are you holding up? It’s got to be difficult, moving back here, dealing with Ethan and taking on Roy’s kids.”

“I’m handling it. Some days better than others.”

“If you ever need anything, call me. I’m always up for babysitting or whatever.”

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you.”

“Hey, you’re family now.”

“I appreciate that.” She raised her bowl. “I’ll put this with the other food.”

“Great. Jo’s serving pink grapefruit martinis at the bar. She and Crystal created them one night about a year ago and they’re surprisingly good.”

As it was barely two in the afternoon and she had three kids coming home around four, Liz agreed but privately told herself she would only have one.

She made her way through the bar, stopping to greet the few people she knew. She felt herself relaxing. It was unlikely anyone would verbally attack her at Crystal’s wake. This was a time to focus on the young woman who had died. And Dakota’s offer to help had been both unexpected and really nice.

After dropping off the salad next to several other dishes, she returned to the main room, where she saw Pia talking to a group of women.

Liz started to approach them, then stopped, not sure if she should join in. Pia made the decision for her by excusing herself from her friends and walking over to Liz.

“Hi,” Pia said, her eyes red from tears. Her mascara was smudged, her face pale. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re missing a close friend,” Liz stated, giving her an impulsive hug. “It’s okay to be a mess.”

Pia hugged her, then stepped back. “I guess. I can’t believe she’s gone. It’s not a surprise, and yet I can’t seem to get my mind around it.”

“We never expect people to die, even when we know they’re going to.”

Pia nodded slowly. “You’re right. But knowing that doesn’t make it easier.”

“I’m sorry. That will take time.”

Pia’s eyes filled with tears again. “It’s so damned unfair, you know? Crystal was a sweetie. She’d already lost so much. And then to die like this.”

Liz didn’t know what Pia was talking about. “I thought she was sick.”

“She was.” Pia sniffed. “I meant the other part. She was married. He was a soldier in Iraq.”

Liz looked around the room but didn’t see any men who fit that description. “Is he still over there?”

Pia shook her head. “He died. Because they knew that would be a possibility, they decided to make sure there were children. They used IVF to create several embryos before he left, just in case.”

Liz gasped. “Crystal has children?” That would make it worse.

“Not exactly. After her husband died, she went to have the embryos implanted. During a routine physical, she found out she had cancer.” Pia’s eyes filled again. “Can you imagine? She couldn’t even have her husband’s children. I don’t know how she kept going every day. She was so nice. I’ll never be that nice.”

Liz hugged her friend again. “You’re perfectly nice.”

“Not really. I try. I was horrible in high school, but you know that. I want to be better. I have her cat and I swear I’ll do everything possible to make that cat happy.” She sniffed again. “I guess I should buy a book or something. ‘Cat Happiness for Dummies.’”