He flinched, and in that tiny expression of pain, she knew it was true. “Don’t worry about it, babe,” he said. “It’s okay not to remember.”
“I—I don’t know what to say to you … Liam.” She tried out the name on her tongue, but nothing came with it. It was just a collection of vowels and consonants that had no meaning.
He touched her face. “It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. It was a long, long way from okay. This man was her husband, her husband, and she had no feelings for him whatsoever. He was her family now, what she’d done for the past ten years. At some point she must have stopped loving Julian and started loving this gentle, quiet man. But what would happen now that she only remembered the love for Julian?
She tried to smile at him, but it was a trembling failure. “Tell me about our life together.” These were the words that slipped from her lips, but what she meant was Make me love you again …
He smiled, and she knew he was recalling a memory that was now his alone. “You were a nurse then. I first met you when you cared for my father …” He looked at her. “Do you mind if I hold your hand?”
It surprised her, that request. There was something so … gentle and old-fashioned about it. She couldn’t help thinking how different he was from Julian. Jules would never ask; it would never occur to him that his touch might not be welcomed. “Okay, sure,” she said.
Their gazes met and held. She felt awkward suddenly, confused by this man who was both a stranger and her husband.
Husband.
“Kinda weird, huh?” he said with a crooked, nervous grin.
She smiled in return and leaned toward him, studying his face, searching for something, some vagrant memory. But there was nothing. Still, he had the kindest eyes she’d ever seen. “This must be hard on you,” she said softly.
“The coma was harder.”
Somehow she didn’t think so. “Are you the one … did you call Julian?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand. If you and I are married now, why would you do that?”
“I couldn’t … wake you up. I sat here every day, holding your hand, talking to you, playing your favorite music. I did everything I could think of to reach you, but … day after day, you just lay there.” His voice fell to a throaty whisper. “I knew I was losing you.”
“Why Julian?”
He let out a long, sighing breath. “Because, Mikaela, I knew.”
She felt her heart skip a beat. “Knew what?”
“That you never completely stopped … loving him.”
For a heartbeat, she forgot to breathe. “You loved me very much.” She couldn’t keep the wonder from her voice. She could never remember feeling this way before, this awesome mixture of joy and sadness, this feeling of being … loved deeply and completely. Julian’s love wasn’t like that. It was a blast of red-hot fireworks that exploded in Technicolor around you, but when it died, it left a cold, black sky behind.
“I still do,” he said, smiling down at her with a sadness that wrenched her heart.
“I must have loved you, too.”
He paused a moment too long before answering. “Yes.”
And she knew. “I stayed in love with Julian, didn’t I?” Somehow it hurt, that realization. “I hurt you,” she said softly, sadly. “Did I know it?”
“I hope not.”
She gazed up at him. “I’m sorry.”
There was more to say, and no way she could think of to say it all. How could you apologize for what you couldn’t remember?
Or worse, for what you were afraid you were going to do all over again?
It began simply enough, with the whooshing sound of the electronic doors opening. Julian sat in the lobby, staring at the wall clock. The slim black hands seemed to be stuck at 2:45. Liam was in with Kayla now, and he’d asked Julian to wait for him.
“Hey, Juli.”
Julian looked up and saw Val sauntering toward him. Instead of his usual faded jeans and movie T-shirt, his agent was wearing a black Hilfiger suit with a dyed-to-match silk shirt and tie. His blond hair had been recently styled and cut; only a fringe of curls lay against his shoulders. He hadn’t bothered to remove the Ray-Bans that shielded his eyes.
Julian would have smiled if he hadn’t felt so damned bad. “This is Last Bend, you idiot, not Cannes. The only designer they know around here is L.L. Bean.” He got to his feet and turned.
That’s when he saw them. Outside, beyond the wall of windows that flanked the front doors, the vans and rental cars were already lining up. People in rumpled black clothes streamed out of those cars like locusts, gathering in a semicircle.
He’d seen it enough times to know the sequence by heart. The media circus coming to town. “Jesus, Val, what did you do?”
Val lifted his hands, Christ-like. “You’re white-hot, Juli. A few words whispered in a few ears and the story spread like wildfire. I have to admit, I didn’t expect this kind of turnout.”
“Goddamn it, Val, I told you not to—” He stopped. It was too late. They’d seen him.
Reporters swarmed through the doorway, microphones at the ready, cameras stationed on their shoulders. Within seconds, Julian and Val were engulfed. Val winked at him. “Too late to hide now, Juli.”
Julian had to get them out of here. He pushed through the crowd and headed outside, into the freezing cold. The locusts followed, firing questions.