Anguish

I nod, understanding.

“Benito met Ingrid when he was only eighteen, Miakoda was a good bit older than Beni, so it was a shock to us all when he came out of his shell around Ingrid. They had a strange bond, a friendship so deep it seemed they were brought together for a reason.”

My chest hurts again.

“Anyway, Miakoda joined Maddox’s club and travelled a lot. He came back to visit a lot, though. During the times he was away, Ingrid and Beni were struggling. Beni was quite controlling, possessive and difficult to live with. Not to mention they couldn’t have children because of an accident Beni had when he was younger. It put strain on them.”

I nod, understanding how that would put strain on any relationship.

“Miakoda coming back was like bringing back light to a dead candle. Ingrid came alive, and the two of them spent a lot of time together. I could see it happening, but I did nothing to stop it. I don’t know why.”

I do; it’s because she knew they were meant to be.

“She was everything to him. He looked at her with such warmth it melted my heart. He would have laid his life down for her, and their love was real.”

My chest seizes, but I keep smiling and nodding her on. The very thought that Mack had a special person that was his one-and-only makes sense. It makes sense, because whatever happened turned him hard as he is now.

“I knew they were having an affair, but Ingrid wasn’t going to leave Benito, not at that point. Miakoda was always on the road; she wasn’t sure she could deal with his life. So for years he came and went, in between travelling he would come to her, and they would start a whole new fire together. The last time he came was when she got pregnant with Diesel.”

Oh, no.

“It scared her, and she freaked out. She knew Benito would find out, and she knew he would go after Miakoda. Not wanting that to happen, she knew she only had one choice. She had to end it with Miakoda, because if she told him about the baby, he would tell Benito and things would get bad. So she broke it off, and disappeared for a month or so. When he came back to find her, she was gone. He left after a few weeks, and we didn’t see him again.”

My heart aches for all of them; it literally aches.

“She told Benito she was pregnant when she got back, and for a while he believed it was a miracle and that the baby was his, but he soon figured it out and things got rough. Ingrid left him and came to live with me, but by this stage Mack was long gone and still didn’t know he was going to be a father. I watched my sister break to pieces, desperate to find him again, desperate to take it all back and run away with him. It didn’t happen, of course. He was gone and she knew she had to do it alone.”

Tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I keep it together.

“Diesel was born, and it was the first time I saw her smile in nine months. She loved that baby more than life itself.”

The tears roll over, and I do nothing to stop them.

“Then she had the accident. It was raining, she was tired from night after night with Diesel, and she was coming home from the store when she swerved and ran into a truck. She died instantly.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice hoarse from tears.

“Diesel was with me,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “He was all we had left of her. She was all I had. But I couldn’t keep him; I was struggling to feed my children, I couldn’t have a baby as well. So I had only one option, and that was to find Miakoda. It was my luck that he’d settled back down with Maddox. When Ingrid tried, no one knew where he was . . .”

“I’m so sorry, Tracy.”

She nods, pulling a tissue from her purse and pressing it to her nose.

“It can’t be undone; it just pains me. It pains me to see him so broken. Miakoda had a hard life as it was, but she brought life into his eyes. It was beautiful, something so many people don’t find.”

I swallow, my heart aching for all of them. Most of us want to find something that beautiful in our lives, but we rarely ever do. No wonder Mack is hard; no wonder he doesn’t let anybody in. After a heartbreak like that, I wouldn’t either.

I can’t say anything else so I place a hand over hers, offering my comfort. Diesel cries in the other room, and her face softens. “May I?”

“Sure, go for it.”

She stands and walks off. When she’s gone, I drop my head into my hands and sigh. Poor Mack. Poor Diesel. Poor Tracy. Poor Ingrid. It’s such a sad situation, and even worse when the woman you fell in love with was your brother’s wife, of all things.

I push the tears back to where they came from, and stand. Tracy enters the room, Diesel tucked in her arms, a small, happy smile on her face.

“Hello darling,” she coos. “Aunty Tracy has missed you.”

I smile at her, walking over and stroking Diesel’s very soft baby hair. “And I’m sure he’s missed you.”

She smiles up at me, and presses her face into Diesel, breathing him in. I let her have a moment, and clean up the coffee mugs and empty plates. Tracy sits on the lounge, and I join her once I’m finished.

“He’s so alert now,” she says to me.

I stare down at Diesel, who has started becoming more alert. He smiles more, and his big brown eyes are always wide and happy.

“He’s very alert,” I agree. “Especially at three a.m.”

She laughs. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t last long, and there are times you’ll so desperately want it back.”