Anti-Stepbrother

He was hurting. But why?

I stood, dropped the phone, and went to him. “Caden—”

He shook his head. “Stop.”

I stopped a few feet from him. I wanted to go to him. My body wavered forward, leaning, but I held it back.

“Fairy tales aren’t real.”

My voice broke as I said, “But you are. You’re real life. You’re real.”

I couldn’t lose him.

I moved forward a step. I held my hands to my chest, wrapping them together. “Did anything I said make sense?”

He tried to smile, but it faltered.

I didn’t know if that was a good sign or not.

“I know grief, Summer. Colton’s brain injury didn’t break just him. It broke my whole family. I know what it’s like to grieve and to want to put it off. The difference between you and me? I didn’t hide from it. I felt it. I experienced it, and you still haven’t.”

I frowned. “What are you saying?”

“I think you need time to mourn your mom.”

“Caden.” I reached out for him.

His gaze went to my hand, and for a moment, I thought he was going to take it. He didn’t. He let it hang there.

“Without me,” he said softly.

“What?” Pain sliced through me. “What does that mean?”

He shrugged and put his hands into his pockets. “I want to hold you, and kiss you, and tell you everything is going to be okay. I can’t believe Kevin did that to you. It killed me to see you in his arms, but I get it. I understand what happened now, and I believe you.” He paused, lowering his head a moment. “But I need to ask you a question.”

“Okay.” I was suddenly nervous. My hands grew sweaty. “What is it?”

“Promise you’ll answer honestly.”

“Promise.” My mouth was dry.

“When we were together, did you feel your grief for you mom?”

“I…” The answer was no. I felt none of the pain. I only felt loved. How was that a bad thing, though?

“You promised, Summer.”

I had to answer. “I was only happy when I was with you.”

He closed his eyes and stepped back. “Right there. See, I can’t be with you. You need time, Summer. You have to feel what you lost, and you have to mourn her. You used Kevin to cover that up, and I can’t be the next Band-Aid you use. I won’t do that to us. If you can’t mourn her when you’re with me, you have to do it without me.”

He shook his head and began walking backwards, away from me.

“I’m sorry, Summer. I can’t be with you now.”

Two and a half months later.

I hated February. It was fucking love month.

“Hey.”

Avery didn’t knock, but she hadn’t been knocking since she’d found me in bed, feeling like my insides had been yanked out and dumped in a pile on the floor. That was back in November. I stopped answering the door, and she started letting herself in. We were in a symbiotic relationship.

I looked up from my laptop and watched as she grabbed a bag of chips, then plopped down on one of the beanbags. Those were also new, courtesy of Sheila, who felt bad because I’d been dumped. Kevin had told her, because everyone had told him. It was all over campus.

I’d been dumped.

Caden gave me the boot, but no one knew he did it for me. He was giving me time to process the loss of my mom, and I was. There’d been a couple more moments where I felt like I was breaking down, but I knew he was right. It hurt him too. Avery said he called and asked how I was doing every day. I just wished he would call me instead.

To say my step had lost its bounce would be an understatement.

I wasn’t even crawling.

Most days I stayed in my room. That’s how I coped for the first two weeks. Then a phone call from my father reminded me I was in college. Classes were a requirement, apparently. So then my routine became dorm room, class, dorm room, class.

Marcus was in my health class this semester. So was Shayla, my old physiology study partner. We had both been sitting there one day when he walked in.

My lungs had ceased working for a moment. He’d looked so much like Caden in that moment, and I worried he’d leave. He’d stopped, stared at me, and then sat in the empty chair next to me.

I could’ve cried. I was so happy.

He’d patted my leg. “My brother thinks he’s doing the right thing. He’s an idiot.”

Okay. I did start crying.

Marcus pulled his hand away. “Don’t make this weird, okay? I don’t even like it when Avery cries.”

I brushed my tears away quickly, and that night Caden had called.

He’d seemed so quiet. “Marcus told me he’s in your class.”

“He is.”

“He said you’ve lost weight.”

Marcus said the same about him. “Are you okay?”

Caden laughed lightly. “I’m supposed to be the one asking you that.”

I wasn’t okay. I didn’t want to say it, though. I wasn’t ready. I sighed, sinking down on my bed. “I’m trying to let her go, but it’s hard.”

He’d been quiet a moment. “Could you do it if we were together?”

I’d heard the yearning in his voice. I felt it too, but I had to be honest. We’d promised no lies. “I would be distracted by you.”

Another beat of silence. Then, “Let me know when you’re ready. I’ll be here.”