Blackmailing the Virgin

All too soon he’s pushing back, pushing me away.

“What the fuck was that?” he asks. My hand comes to my lips, wanting to feel something there again. It’s my first kiss, and I want more.

I go to step towards him. It’s a bold move for me, but I can’t seem to help myself.

“Felicity?” At my father’s voice, I jump away from the man whose name I don’t know.

“Here, Dad.” He’s standing in the doorway that opens onto the balcony. I glance over to the man next to me, who cocks his head as if putting together who I really am. It’s now I really get a good look at him. The light from the open door spills out onto the balcony. It’s clear he comes from money, his suit shows every inch of that, but a tattoo peeks out from of his cuffs, as if trying to escape. Even though I’m farther away from him, he looks even bigger. He must have really had to bend to kiss me. He has at least a foot and a half on me and I’m in the heels that I’d put on for the party.

“Calder?” my father says, following my line of vision to the mysterious man. “I didn’t know you were here. I saw Sidney downstairs and was wondering if you were around.”

“Just stepped out for some air,” he replies, looking over at my father, then back to me.

“I see you met my daughter, Felicity. She’s home from school this week.” My father steps out onto the terrace and makes his way towards us. He stops next to me, picking up my bow—I must have dropped it during the kiss. My violin’s still held tightly in my other hand, the strings digging into my palm.

Sidney? my mind asks.

“Yes, I caught her playing.”

“You’re lucky then. She hardly plays for anyone, no matter how hard I try to get her to.” I can hear the pride in my father’s voice. He loves when I play, and I always do it for him.

I feel my cheeks warm at my father’s admission. I lick my lips. They suddenly feel so dry. Calder’s eyes track my tongue.

I know his name. Calder Cox. My father has mentioned him a few times in phone calls we’ve had. A new client of his. A big one. And that’s saying a lot. My dad has countless powerful clients, so if he’s using that word, he must be something special.

An awkward silence grows, as if Calder doesn’t want to comment on my playing, and I still can’t seem to find words myself.

I just stand there like a silly girl who has no idea what to do or say.

“Why don’t you go inside, sweetheart? You don’t have a coat on,” my father finally says. I’m wearing a knee-length dress without sleeves. The temperature seems to have dropped at least five degrees since I got out here. I hadn’t noticed until Calder stepped away from me, taking all that warmth with him. My father’s tries to dismiss me nicely, knowing I probably want to go. I do but I don’t.

I just nod and go to make my way past him, hoping Calder will say something. Anything. But he doesn’t. I hurry down the stairs and into the house. They lead right to the kitchen. I bypass the caterers as they hurriedly work in the kitchen, putting together trays of food and glasses of wine and champagne. I go straight to my bedroom.

After putting my violin away, I flop back on my bed and listen to the sounds of the party outside my room, wondering if Calder is out there now or if he’s still on the balcony with my father. Had he caught us kissing? I don’t think he did but I can’t be sure.

That kiss. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life.

I wonder if all kisses are like that. I try to think about the time Mark from university tried to kiss me. I’d turned my head right before and got an awkward kiss on the cheek. He just laughed it off. I didn’t get any kind of fluttery feeling with that kiss. Not compared to what I’d just felt on the balcony. Almost like the world had stopped for a moment.

I should have kissed him back. Will this be one of those moments I look back at and always wonder about? But even greater than my regret is my curiosity about Sidney. Her name keeps floating around in the back of my mind.

I sit up and slide my heels back on before going over to the mirror. I pick up some lip gloss and slick a little on. I wonder what I tasted like to him, if I’d left a taste in his mouth like he’d done to me.

Dropping the gloss back down onto the vanity, I try to tame my hair. The wind had gotten a hold of it and it looks pretty wild. Maybe it’s wrong to want to try and sneak another kiss from someone my father works for, but I’ve never wanted anything like this before. Maybe it’s time to push some of my shyness away.

Would he even want to kiss me again? His cold indifference after the kiss makes me feel unsure. Did he feel what I felt, or is he one who kisses every girl he sees. I know a lot of men in New York get around. Some of my father’s friends have been marred a number of times and the whispers of mistresses are always around.

The woman’s name pops in my head again. Is she his wife? The thought makes my stomach cramp. I should have looked for a ring. I still can.

I slip from my room and make my way back to the kitchen, picking up a glass of champagne and drinking it down before grabbing another and doing the same thing. I’ve maybe had a sip of wine or two in my life. In England, where I go to university, you can drink at eighteen, but I’ve never felt the draw. But maybe a little liquid courage could help a girl out.

Chapter Two Calder

I watch her go, the sound of her music still playing in my head, the feel of her lips still on mine. I don’t know what to do. I have this overwhelming urge to follow her and push her against the nearest wall. Jesus. What’s happening to me? It feels like I’m boiling inside and that curvy little kitten is the only thing that can soothe the ache.