My heart pounds violently, and I feel it everywhere in my body, down to my fingertips. Behind the shades, my eyes land on a photocopy taped to the woman’s workstation. It is one of several labeled as “no fly,” staring up at her—Nathaniel Vela’s face is included.

Shit, shit, shit.

I’m trying to tell myself that he looks different now. He hasn’t shaved in weeks and his slicked back hair is a tousled mess of curls. Nate has changed after what we’ve been through. He’s older, colder.

She takes my passport again and examines the picture, lifting her eyes back to me and dropping them down to the picture. Chills run down my arms and back. I am the person in the picture. Then why is it so difficult to breathe?

My eyes are twitching and I want to scratch my face until I peel it off completely. She could put a stop to our whole journey. I can’t let that happen.

Another glance at the passport.

Another glance back at me.

Happy thoughts.

Listening to The Lovecats by The Cure on repeat.

Being kissed by a puppy, wet, smelly tongue and all.

Nate looking at me.

Nate smiling at me.

Nate inside me.

Nate, Nate, Nate.

Why didn’t we cross the border to Mexico by car? How could I have been such a fool?

She picks up the phone at her station. No. Please don’t do this.

She speaks into the phone, but I can’t hear what she’s saying. The air around me is white and thick with panic. Nate grabs my hand and squeezes it hard. This can’t be happening to us.

I want to scream, to go back in time, to choose another desk, another flight. Another plan. I should have paid more attention to who would be serving us.

No. No. No.

Her manager arrives. He’s a man. I can’t see anything else about him through the blur of tears. He’s asking me questions. My date of birth and other stuff I answer on autopilot. I remember Cockburn’s date of birth because I did my homework.

Long minutes pass, but they let us go. When they do, I’m dripping in cold sweat. I’m so clammy, my sockless feet squeak inside my ankle boots.

When we get the passports back with the tickets tucked inside, I shriek in relief. We pass security, despite our backpack being stuffed full of cash. My boyfriend grabs me by the waist and guides me to the terminal. We jog across the airport. We don’t have any bags. Just my one backpack. This could probably raise some questions, but no one seems to notice. We just need to get on that plane and everything will be okay.

Time.

I want it to move quickly and see me through to the other side of the planet.

Nate slumps into one of the plastic chairs at the gate as we wait for our flight to board and I buy us some Jamba Juice. His face is covered by the hoodie and he keeps quiet. I rest my head on his thigh and curl into a ball. We’re too nervous to talk. Too nervous to even blink. We just sit there. Two mute people, wishing we were invisible for the duration of the flight.

Once we get on the plane, I release a huge breath and close my eyes. It isn’t until our plane is in the air that Nate visibly looks well again. From erect and alert, he returns to his normal self. The hardness is gone, replaced with the charmer look he was born with. When we cross California’s border and the little screen on the headrest shows that we’re above Nevada, I let loose a little smile. His lips find my ear, and he doesn’t care that a flight attendant is passing by us with her cart, offering drinks.

“The minute we land in the UK, we’re checking into a hotel and f*cking the shit out of each other. I still owe you a punishment for going all G.I. Jane on those Aryan Brothers’ asses.”

I lick my lips and turn around, my teeth grazing his chin lightly.

“You like ‘em dangerous, don’t you, Delaware?”

“Yes, I do. And what’s more dangerous than a Cockburn?”

He falls asleep in the tiny, narrow chair, and I spend hours just staring at him. I love him so much, I can feel the weight of this love on my body. I swear it’s like I’m pregnant with feelings.

In a lot of ways, he’s the only thing that’s kept me sane. In the past three weeks, I’ve been kidnapped, thrown into a basement, seduced my captor, ran away with him, fell in love with him and killed two people. And I know Nate killed at least six more at Godfrey’s house.

This is not a joke. It is a blood bath. Godfrey said Camden holds the answer to Preston’s disappearance. The burning question is—does he actually hold Preston? The old Prescott wouldn’t take any chances. She’d go to Vallejo before boarding a plane, consequences be damned, to do whatever she could to find her brother. But I’m not the old Prescott anymore. Nathaniel Vela changed me. He changed my priorities. He changed my heart.

What’s keeping me sane is the knowledge that what we’re doing is right.

I killed Sebastian, Godfrey, and now I’m going to kill Camden, because they don’t deserve to live. They took life from me. Not just in the spiritual sense. They literally ripped me open with a hanger, shoved it deep inside of me and plucked out the life I was growing. The life they themselves put inside me.

An eye for an eye. A life for a life.

We land at Heathrow, greeted by a slight London chill. It’s enough to make me shudder in my ragged red mini dress. Nate, who woke up after eight hours of sleep, notices and pulls his hoodie—filthy from everything we’ve been through—over his head and offers it to me, then proceeds to wrap his arm around me.