Chapter 21
Kaden muffled something along the lines of shock or surprise. I placed one hand on the back of his head, the other in the crook of his neck. Then I stroked his tongue with mine.
When he groaned, my whole body answered.
My God, I wanted Kaden. More than anyone ever before.
Together we stumbled into the room. Kaden shut the door behind us. For a moment he loosened his lips from mine to look at me. His eyes were darker than ever, and I could see in them only passion and pure desire. My heart was pounding so hard that my whole body shook. Suddenly Kaden was holding my head in his hands, kissing me until I was dizzy.
I wanted to feel Kaden, to explore his skin and kiss every single one of his tattoos. But he was wearing too much for that. Way too much. My hand traced down his back to the edge of his shirt; within a few seconds I’d pulled it over his head and tossed it aside. Now I kissed his chest, which made him sigh; I leaned back and let my eyes feast on his body.
He was as well-built as I remembered. And this time I could gaze at him without feeling ashamed. And touch him. His muscles tensed as my hands traced his upper body, first hesitantly, then more determined. I lingered on his stomach, wondering whether I should keep on going. Why not?
“Oh God, Allie,” Kaden blurted out, running his fingers through my hair. He gently tipped my head back and started to kiss me again. His tongue danced slowly and also roughly with mine, sending such tingling through my body that my knees threatened to buckle. It seemed like Kaden felt the same; he put his hands around my waist and guided me with staggering steps toward the bed. Our kiss continued until he dropped backward and took me down with him. Now I sat straddling him, not even caring that I was naked under my bathrobe.
Kaden looked up at me through half-closed lids before his hands found their way under the soft robe and reached my skin. He stroked my thighs, back and forth, and a pleasant shudder ran through my whole body. I leaned forward, supporting myself with one arm next to his head, and bent over him. I kissed his stubbly cheeks, traced his jaw down to his neck, and remained there until Kaden let out a groan that seemed to come from deep inside his chest.
“You’re killing me,” he gasped, then ran his hands up my body, under the knot of the bathrobe tie, just under my breasts. There he paused, stroking me with his fingers.
I bit gently into his neck and began to move my hips. I could feel his excitement. The fabric of his jeans rubbed against my skin and I wanted them off. My hand moved down, but before I reached his belt, he whirled me around and pressed my back against the mattress.
Kaden’s face was close to mine; I could feel his breath on my lips. He smelled of mint and of Kaden, and I wanted more.
“Allie … this isn’t why I came here.”
I silenced him with my mouth, kissing him until I couldn’t breathe, digging my fingers into his shoulders and pulling him down to me as hard as I could.
Again Kaden drew away from me and said, panting: “I’m not sleeping with you. Not like this.”
Now all I could do was emit a frustrated groan.
Kaden gave me a crooked grin. “It’s great to know you want me, but I don’t think that now … is the right time. With what you just went through, you’re not totally … able to decide.”
Though my body hated him for it, Kaden was right. I loosened my grip on his shoulders and stroked his back.
Kaden closed his eyes, and held his breath. “If you keep this up, I might reconsider,” he murmured and buried his face on my shoulder. His stubbly chin scratched my naked skin—a feeling that made me mad with desire. He kissed me right there and I felt his teeth. I sighed. Kaden knew what he was doing.
When I stopped stroking his back Kaden lifted his head to look at me. His gaze was mysterious but attentive; his eyes darted over my face. Lying between his arms, I felt encompassed. Whatever happened around us, this was a safe place. I turned to look at my favorite tattoo, tracing the lyrics with my finger until his muscles tightened under my touch.
“I love your tattoos,” I murmured, turning to look at the circles on his other arm. “Not because I have a fetish for guys with tattoos, but because their meaning is so powerful.” When I saw the Morse code, I had to smile. Now that I’d met Rachel I could understand the tattoo so much better.
“I like how you always stare at it, and every time I catch you, you blush.”
His mouth twitched. My finger followed the outline of his lips. His eyes darkened, but then Kaden rolled off and lay down next to me. He leaned his head on his hand and looked at me. His eyes kept on returning to the belt of my bathrobe.
“Could you maybe put something on? I’m having a hard time concentrating.”
I rolled on my side so we were facing each other. “Are you sure you want to turn me down?”
His jaw muscles tightened. “Allie.”
“Kaden.”
For a moment he said nothing; he was working on an answer. Then he uttered a sound that was half laugh, half groan. “I didn’t reject you, Bubbles. I just said I won’t sleep with you.”
A second later he had rolled back on top of me. With one hand he opened the bathrobe, and I held my breath as he gazed at me with fiery eyes.
“That doesn’t rule out other things.”
Kaden kissed my mouth, my throat and then glided downward with his lips. He paused at my breasts, pushing the robe a little farther apart, until they lay bare in front of him. He looked at me, a question in his eyes, but I could only bite my lips. That was enough of an answer for Kaden, and he lowered his head, depositing kisses all over my torso. I arched my back and swore I could feel his smile on my skin before he encircled one of my nipples with his lips. I groaned. His let one hand drift down my body until he was at my hips. His touch was the perfect blend of powerful dominance and unbearable gentleness. I longed for release. I longed for him, though I knew it was probably the worst time to throw our rules overboard. But I wouldn’t destroy the beautiful moment by thinking too much about what it meant. It felt way too good for that.
“If you keep this up I’ll jump on you, like it or not,” I panted.
Kaden caressed my breast with his tongue before looking at me through his thick, black lashes. “It’s not about liking it or not liking it.”
“Which means?” I asked, breathless.
His lips moved against my skin. The tingling inside my belly was getting intense. “It means my self-control has its limits.”
I hoped that meant he’d finish what we started. As if reading my mind, he let his hand wander over my hipbones and inward. But instead of touching me where I wanted it the most, he took his fingers down over my thigh to my knee. Then he drifted back to the inside of my thigh and pushed it gently open. His breath caressed my breasts. My own breathing was choppy, and when Kaden stroked the sensitive skin between my legs, my moans echoed off the walls.
“Do you want me to beg you?” I groaned and took his face between my hands so he would see me.
His eyes expressed pure desire. Obviously he was having to pull himself together to keep from taking everything he wanted.
“That would be nice for a change, wouldn’t it?” he whispered, and again I felt the rough stubble of his beard, this time against my breasts.
“Less talking, more … ” I forgot what I’d wanted to say when his hand found the right place. My breath was shaking, and I clutched his arm.
“More what?” he growled.
“More … of that,” I gasped, as he circled his thumb over my most sensitive spot.
I was about to explode. Kaden put his mouth on one of my nipples and sucked on it. I pressed myself against him and as he groaned in agreement I felt it in my whole body. His thumb was moving faster, and I threw my head back. Stars were bursting around me. As the sensations rolled over me in waves, Kaden kissed me passionately, thus catching the hoarse cry that emerged from my throat.
Breathless, I sank back into the pillow. My body was limp, my limbs heavy. Kaden pulled his hand back and straightened my bathrobe. I watched him through half-closed eyes as he tied the belt into a bow. Then he lay down beside me.
“Rules only half broken,” I whispered and turned to face him. “How’s that for a compromise?” Now a powerful sleepiness overtook me; my eyelids fluttered closed. It was as if all the adrenaline had been flushed out of my body.
“The second-best deal I’ve ever made,” he agreed, in a soft voice.
I didn’t get to ask him what he meant by that. My breath was already slowing down. With his hand on my hair, I fell asleep.
A knock awoke me. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. Judging from the reddish rays filtering in through the window, the sun was setting. Dinnertime.
The door to our room was ajar and Kaden was wheeling in a cart with food after tipping the hotel staff. He’d thrown on his shirt but his hair was so disheveled that he couldn’t have been up for long.
Kaden brought the cart into the room and closed the door. I stretched out, sighing. My arms and legs still felt heavy; each movement was in slow motion. But I felt fantastic. It had to be because of Kaden’s presence. I no longer felt incomplete, and even my rage at my mother had faded. Instead, an exciting, tingling sensation coursed through my body.
Kaden took the lids off the various dishes and platters and sniffed the food. My stomach began to growl. With an amused twinkle in his eyes, Kaden faced me. When our eyes met I had to think of everything his mouth and fingers had been doing with me just a few hours ago. I felt hot and a throbbing sensation spread between my legs. I averted my eyes. The danger of my losing control and jumping on Kaden was too great.
“No.” He walked around the bed and knelt on the mattress, which sank under his weight. Then he put two fingers under my chin and lifted it. “Let it go.”
“What?” I croaked.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He leaned forward and placed his forehead against mine. “Don’t withdraw from me.”
I closed my eyes. Kaden stayed where he was, and after a moment I swallowed hard and nodded. I stopped trying to put up my inner walls again and instead enjoyed the moment of closeness. Leaning forward, I brushed my lips on his. Kaden sighed and stroked my cheek with his thumb.
“Could you please put something on now? All I can think of is your naked body under this thing,” he whispered, tugging at the belt of my bathrobe.
I nodded, smiling, and slipped out of bed. Kaden’s gaze burned on my back, and took all my will power not to turn back toward him. I picked out a pair of leggings, an oversized sweater and underwear from my travel bag and disappeared into the bathroom. I let the bathrobe fall from my shoulders. My skin was sensitive, and I still felt Kaden’s lips on my breasts. I buried my face in my hands.
It wasn’t as if I regretted anything. The opposite was true. I just felt anxious about my own desire for him. If he hadn’t drawn a line I would’ve gone all the way. That’s how much I wanted him.
That wasn’t good at all.
I got dressed and ran my fingers a few times though my disheveled hair before getting up the courage to leave the bathroom again.
Kaden had placed the dishes from the cart on the round table by the window and was pouring wine in our glasses. When saw me, he lifted the bottle high. “I thought it would be nervy of us to put this on your mom’s bill.”
I smiled. “That sounds marvelous.”
“I’m glad you like my plan. Come.” He nodded toward the empty chair at the table, and I crossed the room in a few steps to sit across from him.
Amused, I looked at the feast awaiting us. There was fried meat, rice, a selection of stewed vegetables and even cheesecake with blueberry topping.
“Your stomach was talking in your sleep, so I decided to call room service,” Kaden explained, raising his glass of wine.
I did the same. His expression was mysterious. True, he was grinning, but there was also something melancholy, pensive, in his eyes.
“Why did you come here, Kaden?” The question had burst out. But I also didn’t want to destroy the moment.
Kaden’s expression didn’t change; he kept looking at me. “You needed me. So I came. That’s what friends are for, right?”
Of course. I lowered my eyes and looked at the food. I couldn’t avoid thinking about everything we’d shared in the short time we’d known each other. For sure we were more than just friends. Kaden had to know this, too. But …
“Allie,” he interrupted my thoughts and leaned over the table. “We have so much other stuff to deal with. That has to come first, don’t you think?”
He was right. Of course he was right. So I nodded and forced a smile. Kaden beamed back at me and raised his glass again. “I think we should toast to … freedom.”
We clinked our wine glasses together. “I’m always game for some freedom.”
We drank and then set in on the food. I ate myself silly, until I couldn’t think about anything except the fullness in my belly. After drinking the last drops of wine, we called room service to remove the cart.
“I’ll never be hungry again,” I murmured, cradling my round tummy.
Kaden got up and walked over to the French windows that opened out to a balcony. He unlatched the door and stepped out, only to return a second later and grab one of the oversized blankets from the bed. He looked at me over his shoulder and with his chin beckoned me to follow.
By now it had grown dark and cooled off quite a bit. I wrapped my arms around my body and looked at our surroundings. The view wasn’t so special—just houses, streets and an industrial zone in the distance.
“I understand why you don’t like it here that much,” said Kaden after a few minutes.
He spread the blanket on the small bench at the balustrade, and sat down.
“I used to love Lincoln, or at least the suburb where we lived. But the older I got … the worse things got for me here. And the unhappier I felt.” I sat next to him and pulled up my knees. Kaden draped the rest of the blanket over my shoulders and I smiled at him. “Maybe I would have liked this place if my childhood had been different. Or if I’d gotten along better with my parents. I don’t know.”
“I can’t imagine how that must have been for you, Bubbles,” he murmured. “You don’t fit here.” He hesitated and swallowed a few times. The silence was tense, and I had the feeling that he was about to share something. “But I do know how it feels to be misunderstood. What it does to you when you don’t feel connected with your family at all.”
“Are you talking about your father?” I ventured. At the same time, I relaxed a bit: Listening to Kaden would be a lot easier for me than talking about my own problems.
Kaden nodded, his gaze fixed on a distant point. “He always got along better with my brother. After the divorce, Alex spent more time with him, and I spent more time with our mom. You’ve seen it—I couldn’t imagine a better home. Dad on the other hand is a typical businessman … Always thinking about a profit and pretty cold, emotionally. He and your parents would probably get along great. Everything is about the company. All he ever wanted was to turn Alex and me into perfect businessmen. At first it seemed like he was obsessed with both of us following in his footsteps. After the divorce it got worse, which made me withdraw from him even more. And at some point our family had split up without my realizing it.” He breathed out. “I just didn’t have anything to say to my father. And then when I found out the real reason for the divorce … ”
He stopped. Since our arms were touching, I could feel how his muscles tensed as he curled his hands into fists. For a few minutes he didn’t speak. I waited.
“He had an affair,” Kaden blurted out. “He left Mom for his secretary. I nearly hit him when he told us.”
“But that’s not you,” I whispered.
He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “If Alex hadn’t held me back, I might have even done worse than that.”
I couldn’t help myself—I placed my hand on his knee. He looked at me with such pain and sadness in his eyes.
“Only Mom and … and my ex kept me from becoming bitter,” Kaden said.
He’d never mentioned his ex before.
“Which didn’t totally work,” I joked, and Kaden forced a smile that didn’t fool me for a second.
“Before Kendra left me, I was kind of nice,” he said with a smirk.
“She meant a lot to you?” I asked and ignored the dull throb in my chest.
Kaden frowned. “I was sixteen when we met so I wouldn’t call it a great love. But she was my first girlfriend. When we split up it felt like I was going to fall into a deep abyss. Especially because it didn’t end well … It got pretty ugly.”
I took my hand from his leg and traced the tattoo rings on his upper arm with my fingers, one after the other.
“The first ones are wider because the pain was worst. Eventually the pain let up and the rings got narrower,” I murmured, thinking back to the night he’d told me about the meaning of his tattoos.
Kaden placed his hand over mine. I wanted to look up at him, but couldn’t. There was so much to take in. This opening up to each other and sharing things from our past kind of scared me. I pulled my hand away and leaned back. “Thanks for telling me about this.” I looked out at the sky, which was now a mix of purple and dark blue.
“You’re the first person I ever told.”
“But Spencer’s dropped comments about it,” I said, confused.
“Because he knew me back when Kendra and I were together,” Kaden whispered. “But I never told anyone else.”
Now I did have to look at him. “Thanks.”
“Stop thanking me, Bubbles.”
“Okay. But still, thanks.”
“We’re both messed up, aren’t we?”
“I can only agree, Mr. White.”
A pleasant stillness enveloped us. We were both lost in thought.
“I think you should go to this gala tomorrow,” Kaden said after a while, and pulled the blanket up around our shoulders.
I thought I hadn’t heard right. “What? You’ve got to be kidding. No way.”
“I’m sure your mom isn’t expecting to see you. And definitely not with me.”
“I have no … Oh.” The penny had dropped, and I stared at Kaden. Panic welled up in me. “But you have to go back home! We both have to go back; what about Rachel, and Chad’s kids? And anyway—I have nothing to wear. Mom would go nuts if I showed up in everyday clothes.”
Kaden leaned forward and stopped my words with his dark gaze. He looked into my eyes and sought permission, which I gave. Then he bridged the last inches between us and planted his lips firmly on mine. The kiss was slow and intimate, and I felt it to the tips of my toes. Kaden groaned and the sound vibrated through my whole body.
He pulled back a bit and kissed my mouth and cheeks, before returning to my lips, sucking them gently between his teeth and nibbling on them.
When Kaden pressed his lips one last time against my forehead and leaned back, my panic was gone.
“I think you should go to the gala with me, to show your mom that she can’t beat us down. You won’t let her push you around, Bubbles. You are your own person and make your own decisions—that’s what we’d show her.”
When Kaden said “we,” my heart skipped a beat. I looked at him, dazed.
“You’re right,” I murmured.
“I’m always right,” he answered.
“You’re pretty full of yourself, Kaden.”
“Why should I be modest when we both know how great I am?” he asked, rising to his feet. He stretched his arms up over his head.
I followed him inside. We’d been on the balcony for quite a while. The sky was now shrouded in total darkness, and the air was damp and cold. It was time for sleep. That is, if sleep were even possible for me in Kaden’s presence.