Chapter 23
A radiant Rachel came out to greet us as we drove up her driveway early the next morning. Kaden had asked if we could stop to see his mother. After all, he’d missed the big holiday celebration with her.
Rachel opened my side of the car before we’d even parked, and hugged me without saying a word. She avoided commenting on my puffy face and the dark circles under my eyes, but gave Kaden a meaningful look.
The table in the living room was already set, and I sank into a chair.
“Chad’s kids seem to find me pretty cool,” Rachel said, pouring coffee for us.
“That sounds good,” Kaden said.
“How old are they, anyway?” I asked, while stirring milk into my coffee.
“Thirteen and seventeen.” Rachel sat across from me, clutching her own coffee mug. “I was pretty nervous, let me tell you.”
It seemed like the most normal thing in the world, sitting here in this house. Having breakfast with Kaden and his mother. They both made me feel like I belonged, which made me feel even worse about ruining their Thanksgiving dinner together.
“Sorry I was such a bother.” I just had to get it out, or else I would have burst. “I didn’t want that to happen.”
Sitting next to me, Kaden rolled his eyes.
“Don’t worry. It was an emergency, and Chad was very understanding. I’m glad your father’s okay,” said Rachel, reaching out from across the table to touch my hand. “Besides, it turned out the food was exactly enough for the four of us. I forgot how much teenagers can eat.” She chuckled. “Next time I’ll plan it out better.”
Maybe she was just being polite, but I was grateful. Kaden stared gloomily into his coffee. He’d been tense since last night; his face hadn’t brightened at all. And he’d hardly said a word to me on our return trip. Of course he had to digest what he’d heard. But his withdrawal hurt. Especially since I’d hoped … no. I didn’t finish the thought.
Rachel’s gaze wandered between me and Kaden, but she didn’t comment on our mood. Instead, she began to tell me about how she met Chad.
After breakfast, Kaden disappeared to pack his belongings while I helped his mom clear the table.
“He was so worried about you, Allie,” Rachel said. “I’ve never seen him this way.”
How should I respond? Two days ago we had both insisted we were only friends. But I couldn’t deny my feelings anymore. I felt more for him. Much more.
“It warms my heart to see him that way,” Rachel continued, smiling. I was about to ask what she meant when I heard Kaden clearing his throat behind me. He was standing at the kitchen door, shoulder bag in hand.
“I’m going to freshen up,” I said and left the two alone. My cheeks felt hot.
In the guest bathroom, I splashed my face with cold water, then pressed my hands against my cheeks, trying to get my emotions under control. I could not take much more of this. No matter what happened between us, I didn’t want to lose Kaden’s friendship.
One, two, three …
Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Taking one more deep breath, I returned to the kitchen to say goodbye to Rachel, but stopped short when I heard a low murmur that reached the hallway.
“You’ve misunderstood.” Kaden’s voice sounded cold.
Rachel laughed. “You think I don’t have eyes in my head? I see how you guys are together.”
“Sure, she’s cute. There may be some sparks, but we’re just friends, Mom.”
My heart fell.
“And may I ask why?”
“No, you may not.”
Kaden’s mother cursed. “I’m your mother, Kaden, I can ask whatever I—”
“She’s got too much baggage, okay?” Kaden whispered. “I can’t deal with it. And I don’t want to deal with it. I can’t be responsible for someone who falls apart so easily.”
“Oh, Kaden. She’s not Kendra, sweetie.”
“Let it go, Mom.”
His words punched me in the gut. I couldn’t muffle my gasp, and their voices fell silent. Quickly I leaned down and slipped on my boots. Kaden and Rachel came out of the kitchen into the hallway. I looked up and managed a small smile.
Kaden hugged his mother goodbye, and I did the same, thanking her once more before getting into the Jeep like a robot. I waved while Kaden steered the car out of the driveway.
For the entire trip, I pretended to be in a deep sleep.
While Kaden parked the car, I acted as if I were just waking up. We went upstairs in silence, and as he opened the door to our apartment, a feeling of joy spread through me, despite the throbbing pain in my heart. I was so happy to be back home. Here, everything felt right. As if I belonged right here. In this one place.
“Do you want to take a shower? Otherwise I’ll go first,” Kaden said, setting down his bag in the hall. He pulled his shoes off and held out his hand for my jacket. I pretended not to have seen his silent gesture.
“You go first,” I said and walked past him to my room, closing the door behind me and dropping my bag on the floor. A moment later, I heard the sound of the shower running.
I unpacked my things in slow motion, throwing the dirty laundry in the basket and starting to clean up my room, trying to keep busy with anything, simply anything.
The last few days had been an emotional roller coaster, and I had to be grateful to Kaden, and him alone, that I hadn’t fallen apart. He had come to me when I needed him most. He had listened to me and held me. I thought he wanted me to open up, to trust him with my story. I thought he’d felt the same for me as I did for him. I was wrong.
So what was it that turned Kaden off the most? Was it everything that Anderson had done to me? My blind obedience to my mother and never pressing charges? Or was it my breakdown from last night?
It didn’t help to worry about it.
Kaden didn’t want me. That was clear.
It was my own fault. After all, I knew from day one that Kaden wasn’t looking for a relationship. And until a few days ago I was convinced that we had to end whatever was happening between us, before we went too far and lost control. But I shouldn’t have worried—it was never part of Kaden’s plan to go any further.
Still, it felt like cold claws were closing around my heart.