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Begin Again: Allie and Kaden's Story by Mona Kasten (8)

Chapter 8

The next morning I awoke to a tickling sensation on my neck. I blinked sleepily, but I was so beat from the night before that I could barely open my eyes. I decided to turn over and pretend it wasn’t there.

A deep laugh broke my reverie.

I groaned, grabbed a pillow and threw it blindly toward the laugh. “Get out of here!”

“I come in peace, bearing coffee.”

My ears pricked up, and I struggled into a sitting position. A mug hovered in front of my nose. I looked past its brim directly into the eyes of an astonishingly fit Kaden. Only the paleness of his face betrayed a possible hangover.

“To what do I owe this coffee in bed, Mr. White?” I teased, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. As I lifted it to my lips, a familiar scent reached my nose. My eyes widened. “You even put creamer in!”

Kaden shrugged and collapsed into my desk chair. “I figured I owed you something after last night.”

“No problem,” I answered in all sincerity. I’d only done what any friend would have.

“I mean it. Thanks.”

“Are you turning into a softie, or what?” I asked frowning. “Or is there some kind of catch? A new rule? Do I have to read the fine print?”

“You’re blabbing again.” Kaden shook his head. His expression was serious, but his sparkling eyes betrayed his amusement.

I took a huge gulp of my coffee and sighed with pleasure. “How do you not have a huge hangover?”

“My head is pounding a bit, but I think the aspirin is starting to kick in.” He rubbed his forehead. “Actually, I usually take another medicine for hangovers.”

“And that would be?” I asked.

Kaden gave me a crooked grin. “Fresh air.”

I saw playfulness in his eyes and shook my head. “No way. I got blisters last time.” I rolled my eyes. “I need to get the right shoes if we’re going back to the mountains.”

Kaden pointed to my dresser. “Done. I already took care of that.”

I followed his gesture and stared. After checking quickly that I was wearing presentable PJ bottoms, I got out of bed and went to my dresser to see a pair of shoes sitting next to it.

Hiking shoes.

Stunned, I turned to him. “Did you buy these for me?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “No. Monica didn’t want them anymore. Ethan used to make her go with him, but nowadays neither of them gets out much. I thought they might fit you.”

“That’s so nice.” His thoughtfulness surprised me, and I found myself wondering if “being nice” was somehow breaking one of his rules.

“Nice is such an awful word.” He seemed uncomfortable. “Now get a move on. I want to go out!” He threw me the same sweater that I’d worn the last time.

I sighed as he left the room. And at the same time I couldn’t help smiling.

The weather was much colder this time, and I shivered as we made our way uphill.

“A little slower,” I panted, my hands on my hips. The stitches in my sides were nothing to laugh about.

“If we go any slower we won’t be up there until sunset, and then the view stinks,” Kaden shouted back over his shoulder, unmoved. He was ahead of me by about ten yards and made no effort to wait. The guy had no mercy.

This time he was taking me up a different route. I couldn’t believe how well he knew his way—there were no well-trodden paths here, but he could find his way even without GPS. As if he had a sixth sense for this particular region.

I paused. There was a sound in the distance. It wasn’t loud, but it sounded like a bubbling brook or something similar.

“Come on!” Kaden had stopped walking and was tapping his foot. A motivational trainer would have nothing on him.

Which made me wonder. “Hey, what are you studying, anyway?” I asked between jagged breaths, once I’d caught up with him.

“Majoring in journalism. Minoring in graphic design.”

“That sounds exciting. What kind of job do you want?”

“No idea.” He sounded thoughtful. “My first choice would be covering the film industry, but I know how hard it is to get a foot in the door. Especially now, when print media is struggling. That’s why I’m taking lots of different courses to keep my options open.”

Wow. He’d never said so much at once.

“What about you?” he asked, looking back at me over his shoulder.

“I want to be a teacher.”

“What grade?” he probed, as he held back a branch that crossed our path so I could pass. He followed.

“High school.”

I felt Kaden’s eyes on me but kept on walking.

“That’s a pretty short answer coming from you, Bubbles,” he said sarcastically.

I shrugged. There wasn’t much to say about it. My parents considered my dream of becoming a teacher absurd. But I’d already made up my mind.

“Were you one of those girls who was bullied in school and now wants to change other people’s lives?” asked Kaden.

I stopped in my tracks. My heart pounded. “No.”

“Then maybe you were the star of your high school and captain of the cheerleader squad, and now you want to give back what you got,” he guessed again.

I felt ill. I really didn’t want to think about my school years, about who I had been. I remained silent.

Kaden interpreted this as encouragement from me, and kept on guessing.

“Or maybe you were one of those girls who did everything possible to get attention? Alcohol from older friends, wild parties, men and so on?”

“Shut up!” I hissed, clenching my fists. I spun around and glared at Kaden, my eyes narrowed into angry slits.

Bull’s-eye. He had guessed correctly. And the surprised look on his face told me he knew it.

“Allie.”

“No.”

He ventured a step toward me as I crossed my trembling arms over my chest. “I’m sorry if I crossed the line.”

I sniffed.

He grew serious and looked me in the eyes. “I really do want to know what makes you want to teach.”

I swallowed hard and looked away. I hadn’t shared the real reason with anyone yet. And I didn’t really want anyone to know. Particularly not Kaden.

“Okay, then I’ll start,” Kaden said abruptly. “If my father had his way, I would be getting a degree in economics and business so I could work in his company eventually, like my older brother Alex.” He shook his head and shoved his cap backward on his head. “He doesn’t care that I want to do the exact opposite. I’ve always had a passion for film and design. My mom pointed me toward journalism.”

This time I held the branches back so Kaden could pass under them.

“What did your dad say about it?” I asked after a pause.

Kaden dug his hands into his pockets. “He wasn’t too delighted. Told me I should pick a subject that would bring payback in the future. When I moved here, he cut me off from all support.”

“What?” I blurted out.

Kaden just raised his shoulders.

“Just because your dreams don’t match his doesn’t mean he should leave you in the lurch. I mean, you’re his son!”

“I can manage without him.” Kaden avoided my glance; he just reached up and fiddled with his cap.

“What an ass,” I sniffed, but regretted my outburst immediately. “Oh, I didn’t mean to say that. I only wanted … ”

“It’s okay.” He gave me a crooked grin and his caramel-brown eyes twinkled in the sun. “I like it when you talk that way.”

My cheeks grew warm as he looked at me. Crazy how many emotions could flow through one body within such a short time.

“I … I want to change the lives of young people.” The words came out of their own accord; they just tumbled out of me. I’d never told anyone about it before. “Naive, I know. But school years are the toughest time in life for so many. Aside from the fact that I also really like teaching, I want to be someone they can come to if they need to talk. I want to show them what’s really important in life. I want to … ” I hesitated. The rushing sound I’d heard earlier had grown louder, and I continued heading toward its source.

“What do you want to do?” asked Kaden, close behind me. He didn’t sound judgmental or bored, like my parents always were when I tried talking with them about my dreams.

“I don’t only want to teach them what’s in the lesson plan. There are so many values that aren’t part of the curriculum and that get lost along the way. So many teenagers have no one who cares, no one they can trust. I want to be that someone for them, someone they can come to if they need guidance. I just want to have a positive effect on these kids. To give them something that they might not be getting at home. And help them get back on the right track if they need it.”

Kaden had moved to walk next to me. He glanced at me sidelong, and my whole face felt red-hot. But the more I said, the better I felt. It did me good to share these thoughts.

“I like your plans,” Kaden said after a pause. “It’s hard to find teachers who put their heart into their work, who think seriously about their students.” He threw me another glance. “I think you’ll be a great teacher.”

“Do you really mean it?” I blurted out.

Kaden shrugged and grinned. “You know how to talk without stopping; I think that’s a good prerequisite. Most teachers love to hear themselves talk.”

I made a face at him and promptly stumbled on a root. Kaden grabbed my arm and supported me. Once my footing was sure, he let me go.

“Besides, then you’ll have the honor of playing the lead actress in lots of wet dreams.” He raised his eyebrows.

“Kaden!” I cried.

“With your legs, it wouldn’t be long before the drooling, pre-pubescent fuckers crowd into the front row.”

“Sounds like you know this from personal experience.” I couldn’t hold back my own grin any longer.

“Oh, I was harmless in high school.”

He frowned.

“But not anymore,” I ventured.

Kaden noticed my questioning glance. “No, not anymore,” he said, with a sly grin. “Harmlessness is overrated. It’s no fun.”

I shook my head. “Then it’s true, what they say about you.”

“What do they say about me?” he asked, suddenly turning to his right. The sound of water noise was even louder now, and he had to raise his voice.

I remembered the stories about Kaden that had made the rounds on campus, and decided not to answer his question in too much detail.

“They say you’re a heartbreaker,” I said, panting as I tried to pull myself up by a rock.

“Women always know what they’re getting into with me. But in the end, men are always the bad guy,” he said.

I rolled my eyes at him. “So I shouldn’t be surprised if you fall flat on your face. Fooling around without any commitments—it can’t last.” I yelled as I slipped and lost my hold on the rock.

A firm grip around my upper arm prevented me from falling. Kaden pulled me up to him, then released my arm again and looked at me, concerned.

I sighed. “You shouldn’t look at it that way. Girls start to like you, and they think about you. It’s normal. When I like someone I do the same.”

Kaden tilted his head. “So that’s why you put me to bed last night.”

“I put you to bed,” I answered, “because you couldn’t have slept under a pile of jackets in the hall. And you were keeping me up with all that noise.” I wanted to avoid Kaden’s intense gaze, but he didn’t give me a choice. Instead, he came so close to me that his forehead almost touched mine. And whispered, “You brought me to bed because you like me.”

“No.” I blurted. My voice was supposed to sound cool and unemotional. Thanks to Mom, I could usually manage that at the drop of a hat. Why not now?

“So what if you do like me? It’s your nature to be caring, you said it yourself. And I would bet you’re most annoyed by the things that are beyond changing.”

I swallowed hard. “What does that mean? There’s no hope for you? That you’re a broken soul?”

Not speaking, he let his eyes wander across my face. For an instant they paused at my lips before returning to look in my eyes. “Believe me, Bubbles. You don’t want to know,” he finally said.

Kaden had no idea how well I understood him at this moment. I really did. Every word he said could apply to my life. It was almost like he was talking about me, not about himself.

“You’re not broken, Kaden. Maybe just a little bent. That’s not irreparable,” I murmured. By now the sound of rushing water was so loud that I wasn’t sure he’d even heard me. We stood for a few moments just looking at each other, until Kaden shook his head and turned.

He took off his cap and ran a hand through his hair. Then he took one step to the side so I could see ahead.

My mouth hung open.

Now I saw what that noise was. Kaden had brought me to a huge waterfall.

“Oh my God.” I whispered.

Water rushed through a gap in the stony face of the mountain, flowing down between a tangle of trees and bushes. Rays of sunlight ricocheted off the powerful jet of water as it tumbled down the cliff wall to a lake below.

“Come on,” Kaden said, gesturing with his chin toward the lake.

I didn’t want to turn my gaze from the scene, but my guide was already on his way down. I followed him along a narrow path, which led past moss-covered stones to the waterfall.

Somehow we arrived at the shore of the lake. I had to hunch my shoulders and block the mist with my hand in order to see the waterfall from here.

A movement to my right made me stop short.

One second later I was staring at Kaden’s naked back.

“W-w-what are you doing?” I stammered, as he flung off his boots and started fumbling at his belt. I couldn’t tear my eyes off the finely drawn feather on the left side of his waist.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Bubbles?” he answered, his eyes fixed on the water. He turned around and winked at me before taking a running leap into the water.

I held my breath until he resurfaced, shaking his wet hair from his forehead and letting out a whoop.

“You’re crazy! Isn’t it freezing?” I called, using my hands as a megaphone.

“Try for yourself,” he called back.

I could barely understand him. The rushing waterfall was loud as thunder.

You had to hand it to Kaden: He didn’t care what anyone thought about him. What society expected didn’t matter. If he wanted to jump half-naked into a lake on a fall day, then he did so without hesitation. In that sense I admired him. He emanated vitality and freedom. Kaden unchained himself from everything. He was true to himself. I wanted to be like that.

So I threw caution to the wind, pulling his sweatshirt over my head and tugging off my pants.

I glanced down at myself and was relieved to see that I’d worn presentable underwear. Matching, even. A bikini would have revealed just as much, I told myself.

I dipped my toes in the water—and squeaked. It was damn cold.

Of course Kaden had to turn around just at that moment. I stepped back a bit and hopped a few times in place, getting up the nerve.

“Don’t be a wuss,” he called out, encouraging. I decided to rethink my admiration for him.

I squeezed my eyes shut and jumped.

With a loud whoop I plunged into the water. Cold enveloped me, and the rushing sound disappeared. I made a few powerful strokes under the water, and as I broke the surface I turned up near the place where the waterfall hit. Here the spray was thicker, and the tumbling water shimmered over me in rainbow colors.

“Got you.”

Out of nowhere Kaden popped up behind me and encircled my waist with his strong arms. I gasped for air as a shiver—this time not from the cold—spread throughout my body.

Then Kaden lifted me up and tossed me a good three yards from him.

I hit the surface and sank below for a second. All the air escaped my lungs, mostly from shock. Furious, I struggled to stay afloat.

“You asshole!” I cried, panting.

“What?” Kaden was treading water, acting as if nothing had happened.

I pounced on him and pushed him under with both my arms. I could tell he hadn’t counted on that kind of counterattack. It was only after he was under water that he realized what had happened and shook me off. He grabbed me by the hips, lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“Let me go right now!” I shrieked and struggled like a madwoman.

Kaden snorted. “Dream on.”

I pounded my fists on his back but that didn’t bother him. Instead, he began to swim, his one arm wrapped around me. We reached the waterfall.

It was only thanks to Kaden’s firm grip that I’d made it to the other side of the waterfall. He softened his hold on me, and as he let me slide over his shoulder and set me on my feet, I felt the entire length of his body against mine. I hardly noticed that my feet were on solid ground again. Despite the frigid air, I felt heat coursing through my veins.

Kaden gazed down at me with his dark eyes, their caramel color looking more like a rich bronze. Drops of water clung to his lips, to his skin. I don’t know how, but my hands had made their way to his chest, just as his had found my hips.

My nipples hardened, a tingling sensation spread from my stomach to between my legs.

This tension between us. I couldn’t blame it just on the fact that we were nearly naked. It came from another place, somewhere much deeper inside. And that scared me.

I couldn’t bear the closeness a second longer. I was afraid I would do something I’d regret.

I swallowed hard, and let my hands drop. “Rule three,” I said hoarsely, and drew back.

Kaden blinked several times before his eyes cleared again.

Now I felt self-conscious standing there in my underwear. It was way too intimate. I submerged under the water, so that only my head bobbed above the surface.

“It’s beautiful,” I said, trying to sound relaxed. I fished for a theme that would undo the tension between us. “Do you come here often?”

We were floating in a small cove just behind the waterfall. The rushing sound was softer, and I could even hear the light echo of my own voice.

“Yes, almost every day in the summer. I discovered the caves last year.”

My breathing was still jagged. I had to calm down.

“How did you find out about it in the first place?” I swam into the cove a bit. The more distance between Kaden and me, the better I felt. “I mean, how do you find caves behind waterfalls?” As usual, I was blabbing away.

I was pretty sure I’d heard a resigned sigh coming from Kaden’s direction and expected him to ignore my questions. But he started to tell me how he and Spencer and Ethan had come here often together. At first they stuck to a route on the map tacked to the wooden hut, but then they met too many tourists on the trails. At some point they started to make their own paths.

I didn’t look at him, but concentrated on his voice as I listened.

And that’s how the next hours passed—I asked him about Woodshill and his family, and he answered. The longer we talked, the less tension in my body.

I found out that Kaden’s mother lived in Portland, about an hour’s drive away. His parents were divorced, and he had an older brother who was more like their father, and with whom he didn’t get along.

I was surprised how much he revealed. I hung on his every word, and didn’t even notice that my teeth were chattering.

We decided to return to the shore.

Kaden pulled off his boxer shorts without hesitation. Startled, I averted my eyes and dug around for my cell phone in the sweater pocket. My need for nudity had been met for today.

Lost in thought, I unlocked my screen and stared.

My mother’s name stared back at me.

She’d tried to reach me twice. WTF?

In a panic, I erased the message and shoved the phone back into the sweater pocket. I didn’t want to know why she was calling me. It had probably taken her the entire month since I’d left Lincoln to figure out that I wasn’t coming home.

Kaden observed me without saying a word. Silently we made our way back.

The whole time I furrowed my brow and stamped harder on the path than needed, pushing branches aside. Seeing my mother’s name had triggered an unspeakable rage. I wanted to rid myself of it at any price.

“I never thought I’d hear myself say this,” Kaden said at some point when his Jeep was visible in the distance, “but I don’t like it when you’re so quiet. Somehow it’s not right. It’s like pizza without cheese. Or anchovies in your case.”

My hands were shaking in the pockets of his sweater. One call from my mother, and I was that weak, defenseless, little girl again. Dammit. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

He stopped walking. “What’s wrong?”

I kept on going. I just wanted to crawl into bed and distract myself with Jessica Jones or Daredevil. “Nothing.”

“If you don’t tell me right now what’s up, Allison, then you can walk home.”

I whirled around and gaped at him in disbelief.

“Don’t look at me like that. I will leave your ass right here, and then you can figure out how to get back.” His eyes flashed. “It’s because we went skinny dipping, right? Come on, you know I wouldn’t have started anything, even if—”

“Get off it!” I yelled, and my cheeks grow hot. “My God, you’re so full of yourself, it makes me sick! First of all we weren’t skinny dipping; in case you didn’t notice, I was wearing underwear.”

“Oh, I noticed. Believe me.” The corner of Kaden’s mouth twitched.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him.

“What about the ‘second of all’?” he egged me on, and caught up with me in two strides.

“There is no ‘second of all.’” Who would’ve thought that this beautiful day would end on such a downer.

“Good.” Kaden stomped past me and charged over to his car. He got in and started the motor.

Was this some kind of joke? He wouldn’t just leave me behind! I was cold and wet. What if there were wild animals here, looking for prey? I didn’t want it all to end with me as a decaying corpse in the wilderness.

Kaden swerved over and stopped next to me. The window rolled down part way. “Either you tell me why you look like you just found out your favorite band broke up, or I’m going. Your decision.”

I felt like kicking his damned car. “What does it matter to you?” I hissed. “Wasn’t it you who said I should keep my female troubles to myself? I’m just sticking to your stupid rules!”

“Whatever,” Kaden said, as he stepped on the gas pedal, revving the motor.

He was really driving off without me.

I clenched my hands so tightly that some of my knuckles cracked. “My mom called!” I cried.

The Jeep came to a grinding halt, kicking up a cloud of dust. He reversed and drove back.

“See? That wasn’t so hard to do.” I had expected Kaden to dig and demand an explanation. But he didn’t. Instead, he just gave me a wink and bent toward the passenger door, opening it. “Get in.”

It took me a moment to calm down. The rest of the ride, I stared out the window and let him pick the music. He played something I didn’t know yet, but it fit my mood.

The music took hold of my anger, and the loud drumming drove the rage right out of my body. At some point I finally relaxed and let my shoulders drop.

I would not let that woman rob me of my freedom.

In my mind’s eye, I replayed our trip. The whole day had been so beautiful, and Kaden was to thank for that. I turned to look at him. And without thinking, I had to smile.

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