Chapter Ten
Lindsey
Wednesday
I paced the apartment with my hand in my mouth, chewing down on my nail like there was no tomorrow. At the time, it had seemed like a really good idea to volunteer to go to the barbecue. I’d thought that I was doing a good thing, but now I wasn’t so sure.
For one, I didn’t really relish in the idea of spending more time with the super awkward Britt family, and second I was pretty sure that Adam didn’t like me at all. After I made that off the cuff comment about him getting a job, he turned against me and that was the end of it. I’d wrecked the tiny bit of connection that we had – and it really was gossamer thin – and now there was a giant chasm between us again.
I pulled the check out of my pocket wondering when I was going to get up the courage to cash it. Obviously Adam didn’t need it, it clearly wasn’t much to him, but to me it was a life line. I desperately needed it, yet I couldn’t make the journey to the bank to put it in.
I would have to today though, I couldn’t keep putting it off because I was about to head into my overdraft. I was going to have to do it. Even if it felt wrong. Even if I was pretty sure that it was too much money for what I’d done.
The door clicked open and I stuffed the check back into my pocket as if I was embarrassed by it. Denise rolled in with slightly shaggy hair as if she’d spent the entire night out drinking or having sex. Whatever it was I felt weirdly jealous of her.
“Hey, Denise,” I said in a voice that sounded much too formal. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just tired.” She rolled her eyes. “Filming night scenes is exhausting, especially when we can’t get it all in one take.”
“Oh right.” I knew that she was in the middle of a job, but I just realized that I didn’t know anything about it. “What are you doing again?”
“That TV movie about a kid hat goes missing. I mean, I only have a small role, but I have some lines, you know?” She shrugged a shoulder as she kicked the fridge door open. She bent over to reach in and grab some snacks and drinks. “Any lines are good lines, it’s all about getting noticed.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course.” I nodded a bit too vigorously, which earned me a strange look from Denise. Even thought I knew that I deserved it, it still made me gulp anxiously.
“How are things with you?” she asked curiously, her interest piqued by my odd behavior. “How did your date thing go with Max’s friend? I haven’t seen you much since then.”
Or at all…not that I was going to call her out on that one. “It was a bit weird, if I’m honest.”
“Yeah?” Denise took a seat at stared up expectantly. “What happened?”
“Well, the family were super weird.” I shifted uncomfortably as I started to really reminisce. “The mom is nice, I really like her. She seems like a nice, sweet lady; but the dad…” I shook my head angrily. “He was an asshole. He really treated Adam and his brother differently.”
“How do you mean?” Denise asked, chewing something.
“Well, it’s like Brandon, the older one who went to work for the family company, is a God, and Adam is nothing. It was a really weird separation.” I shivered under the memory of the tension between the family. Why the hell did I agree to go back there again? What an idiot. “Adam is beyond the black sheep of the family. I haven’t ever seen anything like it.”
“Right.” Denise stared at me blankly as if she didn’t quite get it. “So?” When I didn’t answer she felt compelled to continue. “What does this Adam do? What makes him so important?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t think he does much of anything, but I still don’t think…”
“Look, if he does nothing aside from live off the family money, then maybe he deserves that shit from his dad. His father and brother obviously work hard to keep the family business rolling in the money and from the sound of it, he does nothing.”
I felt taken aback. I couldn’t believe that Denise was taking Richard Britt’s side. That didn’t seem like her at all. I guessed she was only looking at it from a logical point of view, she didn’t really know Adam, but still… I didn’t much like the assumption.
“So, did you at least get paid for the job?” Denise asked while wiggling her eyebrows at me. “Because that’s all you did it for, right?”
“Oh yeah, right.” I could almost feel all the color draining from my face. “Of course. Yes, I did get paid. I’m about to head out this afternoon to cash the check.”
“Good. Then at least I don’t have to worry about the rent being paid.” She cackled laughed loudly and stood up. “And, you don’t have to worry about Adam anymore. It isn’t like you’re going to see him again, is it?”
“Actually.” I rubbed the back of my head as embarrassment raced though my system. “I’m supposed to be going to a family barbecue this weekend.”
“You are?” Denise’s eyes widened in shock. “Are you getting paid more?”
“It isn’t about that,” I said awkwardly. “I said I’d go because his father and brother were being so dickish…only now I think I’m regretting it.”
“I’ll say!” she replied tossing her hands above her head. “What did you do that for? That’s just insane. The deeper you delve into the snake pit, the harder it’ll be for you to get out. You want to extract yourself from Adam’s world before it’s almost impossible to.” She made her way over to me and rubbed my shoulder reassuringly. “You’re too sensitive, Lindsey; you’re not strong enough for this.”
I didn’t want to agree with her, but I was starting to think that she was correct. Maybe I was too sensitive about things. I certainly did feel like I was growing emotionally attached to Adam in a way that I really didn’t want to be. I didn’t even like him, not really, and he didn’t like me. Maybe in a way I could see what everyone else was saying about him. I did think it was strange that he didn’t have a job, that was why I brought it up, but I wasn’t about to judge him solely because of that.
Damn it, my feelings when it came to Adam were very confusing. I didn’t like it, but I also didn’t like people being horrible to him. There was a weird part of me that felt protective over him, which was crazy because he didn’t really need protecting.
Anyway, I was getting off topic. I shook my head and tried my hardest to refocus. “I didn’t really mean because of that,” I mumbled. “I meant because they’re all like, super rich, and I really don’t have anything to wear.”
I thought about the amazing Oscar de la Renta dress that sat in the back of my wardrobe – probably where it would stay forever more now unless Adam asked for it back, but I couldn’t wear that. I couldn’t be seen in the same thing twice, rich people didn’t do that, and it was far too much for a barbecue anyway. “I don’t know what’s appropriate.”
Denise rubbed her eyes, trying to judge just how tired she was. Seemingly she had just about enough energy to make this work because she followed with, “Come on, let’s go shopping.” Before I could open my mouth to protest she gave me a look that was stern enough to shoot me down. “You’ve just been paid, you can afford this.” Well, she was right about that one. “And we should get a manicure, too. We both could do with some time relaxing.”
I paused for just a beat, before realizing that this was possibly the best offer I could have asked for today. Denise was way more experienced than me. She had probably dated a well-off boy or two in her time, she might have even met their families. If anyone could give me any advice on how to survive this damn barbecue, it was her.
“Fine,” I shot back rapidly. “That sounds good, actually. I’ll go and get ready now, then we can go out.”
“Great.” Denise glanced at her own hands. “I’d rather get myself cleaned up anyway. There’s a cute guy on set that I’d quite like to get funky with…”
I walked off as she continued to tell me about the cute guy from work, which if her past record was to go with, wouldn’t last for long. She couldn’t help herself, she got bored too easily; whereas I didn’t get enough attention to get bored.
***
As I fell into bed later that day, surrounded by the few items of clothing that I actually allowed myself to buy, I was still confused. I hashed it out with Denise as much as I could, I even spoke to the manicurist about it a little because she couldn’t help overhearing our conversation and joining in, but no one had given me any advice that I thought was decent.
To be honest, everyone was so against Adam, and that was my main problem. I could feel them all judging him without even knowing him. I didn’t know him either, of course. I wasn’t forgetting that, but still…
I sighed loudly and propped myself up, wondering what I was going to wear. Maybe the red skirt that splayed out wildly or the skinny jeans that clung to my hips. Did rich people wear jeans? Mind you, did they wear anything from the mall? Maybe I had fifteen thousand dollars now, but I didn’t want to waste it on something that I didn’t really need. I’d spent enough time scraping by to know what it was like to live with nothing. If I could help it I didn’t want to go back there again. I would only regret it when I didn’t have anything to eat.
Actually, it was time to start looking for another acting job, really. Maybe I could afford to take some time off now, but I didn’t want to risk it. This money was only to leave me freer to pick up jobs I actually wanted.
I grabbed my laptop off the side and waited for it to start up, rubbing my hands together the entire time. As it flicked to life, I hit the Internet icon, but instead of heading to the usual websites that I went to search for acting jobs I found myself heading towards a search engine instead. I wasn’t sure why, but I wanted to find out more about Adam. Of course, I could have just tried to speak to him, but the fractured weird relationship we had meant that I couldn’t. This was the only way.
I typed in his name and hovered over the search button, but there was something that stopped me from pressing it. I guess I didn’t want to pry into his life to make preconceived judgements of him just like everyone else did. If I was going to get to know him, which I probably wasn’t because after this barbecue I wouldn’t see him again, then I would much rather do it face to face. I would rather hear about his life from him.
I slammed the laptop shut and flopped back onto the bed wondering why I’d gotten so tied up in knots. I guess it wasn’t like I usually had my head screwed on right, but this was a first even for me.