Chapter Eight
June – Friday
Instead of stressing myself out with yet another unsuccessful day of work, I decided to help Hailey out at the Hangout because two of her staff members had called in sick and she was struggling to cope alone. I felt that it might be good for me to spend some time in a completely different environment, to get my head out of the stress that I was currently in. I hoped I would come out of the day with a brand-new perspective on things.
The only problem was the day was much harder than I’d been expecting. I thought I would be stuck on the reception desk to organize people’s appointments, but it really wasn’t that simple. There was a lot more to it than that. The kids needed constant attention, and often because I was the first port of call, they came to me for that. I became something of a semi-counselor myself, which was an area that I had no expertise whatsoever. I had no previous experience with children, and that left me overwhelmed and out of my depth.
Just as it got to the point where I was really about to panic, Hailey came and grabbed me from the desk to have lunch with her in her office. It was only then that I allowed the panic to consume me, and I really struggled to get it together, just for a few seconds.
“What’s wrong?” Hailey asked me in shock. “Is it really that bad out there?”
“I just…” I gasped, trying to grasp hold of my thoughts to form them in a coherent manner. “I just don’t know how to speak to these kids, and they keep telling me all of their problems. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say, and I’m scared of undoing all your hard work by giving some stupid advice.”
“Relax!” she laughed, rubbing my back in a comforting gesture. “I highly doubt that some stranger at the reception desk is going to undo all the work done by medically trained professionals now, do you?” When she worded it like that, it did seem a bit crazy, like I was overreacting.
“A lot of these kids just don’t get any attention from anywhere, except for the negative focus they get when they act out, which is why we’ve created such a listening environment here.” She didn’t need to tell me that she was speaking from experience; I already knew that. Looking back, it was obvious that she would have focused better in school if she’d been given some positive attention.
“They don’t want your advice necessarily; they just need you to listen. It’s obvious just from looking at you that you’ve had none of the problems that these kids have, all they really want you to do is hear them out.”
“Okay,” I nodded, starting to feel myself calm down. “Okay, listen; I can do that.”
“Honestly,” she continued before handing me some food. “They are good kids, they just need a boost of confidence. And don’t worry, they probably will play you up a bit because you aren’t a permanent member of staff, but I know for a fact that you can do it. I wouldn’t have begged you to cover otherwise.”
That did make me feel a lot better, Hailey took her business very seriously, so I knew what she was saying was right. “Anyway, I need to hear more about how your story is coming along anyway. Your big break.”
“Urgh, don’t call it that,” I groaned, remembering my epic failure. “It isn’t going anywhere at the moment.”
“Why not? What’s happened?”
“Well, I went over there like you suggested, but I didn’t actually speak to him because I freaked out.” I recalled the moment that I saw him there, looking absolutely gorgeous in the field, and how that confused everything in my mind. “I saw him, and he wasn’t anything like I was expecting, and…” I glanced at her, biting on my lip as I tried to decide whether or not to spill this part. “And, he was so hot, I just about lost my mind.”
“Really?” The excitement that formed in Hailey’s eyes made me instantly regret my decision. She always jumped on the chance to get me a life outside of my career, and I suddenly realized that this was exactly the sort of thing she would love. She wanted me to be with someone to prove to me just how right she was about Baz, and I’d just given her a whole load of ammo. “Oh my God, that’s so exciting. You have to speak to him.”
“Well, it isn’t that simple,” I jumped in quickly, needing her to know the full story. “You see, when I was doing some research on him, I learned that he lost his wife a few years back to cancer.”
“Oh, yeah…” she trailed off thoughtfully. “That is bad. But you still have to find a way to write the story, right?”
“I do,” I nodded sadly. “I have to do it in the right way; it still could be the big break that I need…or at least a step in the right direction. It’s just going to be harder than I first thought it would be.”
“I think you might need to just go for it,” she told me seriously. “I know that it’s scary, but I’m sure you can do it. I mean, you have everything at your disposal, you just need to trust in yourself.”
When we returned to work, Hailey took me off the front desk and sent me into a room with a young girl for some one-on-one time. I was anxious about that idea, but considering she seemed to be about four years old, I felt like I could tackle it. She wouldn’t be asking me any of the very difficult questions that the teenagers were, so I should be able to cope.
“This is Ali,” Hailey told me quietly as I looked down on the sweet, little thing. She had dark ringlets and green eyes, making her actually seem adorable. I might not have had any experience with children at all, but she didn’t seem too bad. “She’s four, and her parents were killed last year in a traffic accident. She doesn’t talk much because she’s really shy, but it would be great if you could just hang out with her for a bit.”
“And do what?”
“Just help her with her puzzle, talk, see if she’s okay.” When I gave her a look, she shrugged her shoulders and convinced me quickly. “It’s either that or get back to reception…”
“I’ll do it; I’ll do it,” I held up my hands in a defeated gesture, and went to sit at the table, accepting my brand new challenge.
***
By the time the end of the day rolled around, Ali and I were the absolute best of friends, shocking everyone – most of all me. It took me a long while to get her to open up, but with a little bit of coaxing and a whole lot of jigsaw puzzles, I actually had her smiling and playing with me. Despite myself, I felt my cold veneer when it came to children cracking, and my chest swelled with pride and love for the girl.
“Will you be back again next week?” Ali asked me as the lady from the orphanage came to pick her up. “I want to play with you again.”
“I will do my best,” I smiled at her, before pulling her in for a hug. “I have had a lovely day with you, Ali, so thank you for that.”
“Wow,” Hailey gasped as Ali was taken away. “That was incredible. I have never seen anyone have such an instant rapport before, especially with Ali. She doesn’t open up to anyone. Even I have had trouble with her. You should definitely come back if you get the chance.”
“You know what? I will,” I told her quite seriously. “Today has made me see things very differently. I think I’ll start volunteering here whenever I get the chance.”
“What are you going to do now? Did you want to stay here a little longer?”
I glanced at my watch, wanting to take my positive feeling of the day that little bit further. “I think that I might just have the time to go and see Roy again now. I’m sort of on a roll, and I want to keep going while I can.”
“Good, you should,” Hailey smiled. “And, let me know how it goes with the sexy cowboy, will you?”
As I drove the car along the road towards Roy’s ranch, my heart beat very quickly with anticipation. I had the very strong feeling that this was going to be much better last time, and that this might actually get me somewhere. I was determined I would at least meet him this time, which would be a huge step up – one that I would have to be proud of.
But as I got nearer to the road where Roy lived, I found myself thinking only about how good looking he was, instead. It was going to be really difficult to not get distracted by his incredible looks when I spoke to him.
Don’t be so insensitive, I scolded myself. This is a broken man, one who doesn’t even want to speak to you, never mind anything else, and all you can think about is how hot he is…
I was so stuck in my mind, that I wasn’t really focusing too clearly on the road, so by the time I tugged myself from my thoughts, it didn’t take me long to notice that I was in the wrong lane.
“Shit,” I muttered to myself in shock. “Fucking hell.” But as I tried to move back to my side of the road, I became blinded by headlights headed in my direction, which made me swing the steering wheel much too harshly.
“No, fuck!” I screamed as the car went far too much towards the left, and I felt the car tumble wildly off the road and into a ditch.
As the car shook and trembled, an overwhelming sense of dizziness overcame me. Sickness swirled within my stomach, and at one point I might have even hit my head because everything definitely hurt.
What have I done? I kept thinking, over and over to myself. How did that happen?
But I already knew the answer to that. I was lost in thought, not concentrating on what I was doing, and now I was paying the price for that. If I had destroyed my car, then I would be in real trouble because I definitely didn’t earn enough to replace it!
But there were more pressing issues at hand, including the truck I had almost hit. What if the driver of that car crashed, too, and whoever was inside it got really hurt? Not only would I never be able to forgive myself, but I could potentially end up in a lot of trouble with the law. After all, the accident was my fault – there was no shying away from that.
I glanced my eyes upwards, slowly moving towards the window in anxious anticipation, having no idea what I was going to find, and I quickly spotted a pair of dark-green eyes staring back at me.
“I… I’m sorry,” I started to stammer pointlessly through the closed window. Whoever it was wouldn’t be able to hear me, but that didn’t stop me. “I didn’t mean…”
But then the fog cleared, and I started to see the rest of my victim’s face, a face that I knew well, one that I really didn’t want to be having this sort of accident with.
Holy shit… Roy Larkin… What the hell am I going to do now?