Chapter Seventeen
Roy – Tuesday
Two whole days had passed. Two days and I couldn’t stop thinking about June. She really was something else. Ever since I’d lost my wife, I’d been with women here and there, but as soon as they were gone, I forgot all about them. Even Crystal, who was my closest friend, but June…she wasn’t going anywhere in my mind, not that I was trying very hard to get rid of her.
“Well, Tank, here’s your breakfast.” As I put the plate down in front of him, I couldn’t help but notice that I’d given him much more than his usual small portion. I also couldn’t help but feel the pep in my step, one that definitely hadn't been there before. It was all because of June – I knew that much because the only time I’d felt that way before was when Shelley was in my life.
I took a moment to remember the first time Shelley and I had sex. It was a lot different between us; we were actually dating first, and we were much younger at the time, so it took a full month before she let us go the whole way. The entire experience had been very romantic, very plannedout, nothing like the spontaneous spur-of-the-moment event that had just happened. I cooked her dinner, lit candles, played soft music…eventually led her up to the bedroom. It was all very lovely, and left us both extremely happy, and it made me realize that she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Now, I didn’t want to get ahead of myself and think anything like that again, especially considering the way that it worked out last time, but there was definitely a more serious feeling that came from June. I already knew that I wanted to spend more time with her, and not just in a sexual way. I enjoyed her company, too.
After Tank and I finished eating, we headed out to the barn to fix up the mower. The grass was getting much too long, and the only way I could fix that was with my ride on. Unfortunately, it had been out of action for far too long now. As I set about working, with memories of Shelley and thoughts of June in my mind, I actually switched the radio on, allowing a bit of music and life to fill the barn.
I was changing, that much was for sure. I was finally becoming the person I once was all over again…
***
“Oh crap,” I muttered to myself, once I got back inside. Lewis had been calling me a few times, and because of the music and the sound of my tools, I just hadn't heard it. On the plus side, the grass was all cut now, so at least that was one thing off my mind.
Ring, ring…
Ring, ring…
As I waited for Lewis to pick up, I noticed that I was whistling one of the songs that I’d been listening to on the radio. It was honestly a little strange to see this much happier version of myself, but it was welcome, too. I’d spent far too long being lost and miserable – this was the version of me that I thought Shelley wanted me to be when she passed.
“Hi, boss, are things all right?” Lewis finally answered, sounding a little breathless.
“Yeah. Yeah, things are great; I was just outside and didn’t hear my phone,” I answered him, but I was distracted. I was staring at the dining table, remembering June sitting buck naked on there, her face contorted in pleasure, hip lips swollen, her hair mussed up… “What’s going on?”
“Well, I have some more stuff for you, for the St. Louis trip, and I just thought that it might be best for you to come into the office and grab it so I can go over it all with you. Unless…would you rather me come to you?”
“No, I can pop in, don’t worry about it.” If I was going to be leaving the business behind soon enough, I guessed I should spend as much time there as possible. It might not have felt like it then, but I was certain that I would miss it all soon enough. “Thank you, Lewis. I do appreciate you doing all of this for me.”
“No worries, I just want to make sure that everything goes well.” I got the impression that this was as much for the business that he was about to call his, as it was for me. I knew that he didn’t want me to look bad – he’d always been very good at that, which was why I kept him on board all this time.
“Are you okay, Roy?” he suddenly asked, seeming to sense something going on underneath the surface. “You sound…different.”
“I’m good,” I smiled secretly to myself. “Just been busy. Got a lot on my mind.”
“Sure, sure,” he muttered, but he didn’t in any way sound convinced. “So, just give me a call when you’re on your way over, and I’ll get it all together for you.”
After I hung up the phone, already forgetting all about St. Louis, I headed up to the shower, needing to clean the sweat and grime of the day off. I might have spent most of my time out on the land growing grubby, but once I was done for the day, I hated to feel that way; it made me really uncomfortable. Plus, I had a lot circulating in my mind and I got my best thinking done in the shower.
Even though I’d had sex with Crystal in that shower not that long ago, she couldn’t have been the furthest from my mind. I had the feeling that we were long done now, no matter what happened with June, and that we would return to just being friends. I was okay with that. I’d always known that it would end that way eventually; I just hoped that she was okay, too. I really wanted us to be genuine friends, ones that could be there for one another in ways other than sexual, and I prayed that we would eventually get there.
No, the memories playing on my mind were only ones of June. She had this incredible combination of innocence and pure sexuality, which drove me absolutely insane. And the way that she shocked me, by taking me in her mouth without even giving it a second thought…that was the sexiest damn thing that had ever happened to me. That image with her lips wrapped around me, her head bobbing up and down as her tongue flickered everywhere was an incredible image that I didn’t think I would ever forget.
“Damn it,” I muttered, frustrated with myself as my heartrate grew faster. What I really wanted to do was see her again, but I also didn’t want to come on too strong. I didn’t want to freak her out by seeming too heavy. However, I guessed that I could call her – there was no harm in that, surely? She had given me her number, after all.
I hopped out of the shower with a newfound excitement coursing through my veins, and I wrapped a towel around myself, barely covering me up. I grabbed my phone and took it to my bedroom with me. There, I lay on the sheets and smiled to myself before hitting dial. As the phone rang, my mind whirred and my heart raced like crazy. I was acting ridiculously, like a childish schoolgirl with a crush, and the worst part was I didn’t even care.
“Hello?” As soon as she answered, I felt a warmth spreading through me. June’s voice was sweet, tentative, and made me happy.
“Hi, June; it’s Roy. How are you?” God damn it, I was so anxious. What the hell was wrong with me?
“I’m good,” she replied, allowing me to hear the smile in her voice. “How are things with you?”
As she spoke, I began to panic. Before picking up the phone and hitting dial, I really should have come up with a rational reason to call her. Now I had nothing, and that could lead to some very awkward silences. What can I say? Can I act like it is because of the article? Can I pretend that she’d left something behind? My eyes glanced everywhere, desperately trying to find something, but of course nothing was there. I would have found it by now had that been the case. I was floundering, feeling like I was sinking, but luckily, I just about managed to find the strength within me to continue talking.
“I’m… I’m good, thank you.”
“I was just about to call you actually, to see if you wanted a proof of the article to read through before it went to print.” I knew this wasn’t typical procedure for journalists to do, unless it was requested before the interview happened, so I felt extremely grateful. “I have focused more on you leaving the business, if that’s all right. I mean, I have included some things from your past, but they are mostly business related.”
“That sounds great,” I told her warmly. “Thank you.”
“It isn’t finished yet, but as soon as it is, I will find a way to get it to you.”
“Well, I have to go to St. Louis on Thursday and get back Sunday, so I would love it if you could come over then?” I wasn’t sure if I could wait until then to see her once more, but it was probably be a good thing. At least I could be distracted by the business trip. If I was just sitting around here, I might drive myself insane.
“That sounds great,” she exclaimed sounding very happy. “I’ll see you then.”
Because she did sound so pleased, I found myself saying something very unexpected. “Well, I’m sure you’ll hear from me before then. I’m sure I’ll message you at some point throughout the week.”
She giggled musically, sending happiness trickling up and down my spine. “That sounds wonderful; I look forward to it.”
“I’ll speak to you soon.”
There was a cheesy grin spread across my cheeks as we said our goodbyes. I didn’t know what I was worrying about, thinking I might be coming on too strong. It seemed like June was feeling exactly the same way that I was. There was so much potential there, such a hope for the future, that it made my heart race like crazy. This could really turn out to be something real, something strong and powerful, and I actually couldn’t wait for that.
‘I am already looking forward to Sunday.’
I texted her before I could even think. Luckily it was only a couple of seconds before she messaged me back, leaving me no time at all to get caught up in my worries.
‘Me too; I already feel like I miss you.’
She missed me…that had to be a sign. I sat up on the bed and stared at her words on my phone for a few moments, feeling far too happy for words.
I had never wanted to get involved with anyone before because I didn’t want to betray my wife and her memory, but now I could see that by living this half life, that was exactly what I was doing. Her life had been taken away from her; she didn’t have any choice, but I did. By tossing things to one side and living in a shell, I was ignoring everything that Shelley stood for and everything that she did. I needed to get out there, to use her memory to spur me forwards, to live the life that she would have wanted for me. There was no longer any time to be scared – what I really needed was to be free.