Chapter Nine
Rachel
I was so excited that my hand was healing well enough to downgrade my treatment from a cast to a simple cloth brace before the party. It was bad enough to have to wear the little, wrap-around brace, but at least it was skin-colored and didn’t stand out quite like the lime green cast material had.
The day before the party, everything was already set. Hannah was a great organizer and had even thought to use living plants instead of floral arrangements to decorate with. She said some would go to the people that helped put the party together, like the caterer and Christie, Hannah’s designer friend, and some would be planted in the garden to help preserve the good memories.
I had been entrusted with grooming Kaiser, along with the vaccinations and non-emergency treatment of the horses and sheep. I had to beg out of shaving them, due to the decreased mobility on my hand and wrist, but I loved giving the lambs their check-ups and having an excuse to relax in the field while they grazed.
That’s where Hannah came looking for me the day before the party. Her shadow fell over me as I sat in the grass, cuddling with a lamb.
I looked up and felt a quick stab of guilt being caught playing when I should be working. Instead of asking what I was doing or telling me to go find work to do, she sat down next to me and crawled her fingers into the thick, curly wool of the lamb. She didn’t say anything to me so I stayed silent, as well, and we both enjoyed the bright, hot summer day sitting in the cool grass. After a few blissful minutes of silence, she finally explained to me what she was there for.
“It occurred to me as I was cleaning up after breakfast today that I never see you in anything but work shirts and jeans. I was thinking perhaps now was a good time for us to go out and have a girls’ day. How would you like to join my assistant Patricia and me and go into town to get manicures and new clothes for the party?” The rancher brushed some dry grass off her legs as if it offended her. I looked down at my own clothes, covered in random stains, some more barnyard than others.
“You know what? I would love to tag along. I haven’t seen Patricia in a couple of weeks, since the season’s lambing had begun,” I replied. I’d been measuring blood glucose levels of the sweet, little newborns for going on ten days straight. I’d even foregone a visit to Austin with Tracy and Freddie, who I was missing horribly. Of course, knowing they were coming tomorrow had made me feel better, and Tracy had promised to bring me a dress or two to choose from. Knowing her tastes, I had been worried that she might force me to be braver than I preferred.
“Fabulous!” Hannah exclaimed. She jumped up and held out a hand to me. I gently lifted the dozing lamb off my legs and watched her stagger off toward her mother. I accepted the assistance and pulled myself to my feet. I gasped out loud and laughed uncomfortably when my feet were shot through with pins and needles from sitting cross-legged for so long. Hannah held me up for an extra moment to make sure I would stay standing before she let go.
“Well, that’s not embarrassing or anything,” I chuckled as I hobbled toward the pasture gate with her.
We split up at the gate, and I hurried to my new quarters. The furniture and decorations that Daniel and I had picked out made me smile every time I waked in the door. He’d added quite a few things, including a set of dishes I’d been looking at when I thought he wasn’t watching, and a particular painting of a landscape, much like the one I saw every morning when we went for our sunrise rides. Despite the fact that I was only here for a few more weeks, he’d taken the time and trouble to make the cabin feel like home. We’d even picked out a nice furniture set for the second bedroom, in case I had visitors.
I knew in the back of my mind that it was just something that had to be done, and he hadn’t done all that work just for me, but I pretended it was when I was alone because I wanted to be important to him. He’d been a gentleman every minute that we spent together, even after I attacked him and almost kissed his face off. Still, I knew that he needed more than stolen kisses in the woods at sunrise. I just didn’t know how to let him see me without my clothes, scars and all.
I quickly showered off the smell of stables and changed into a clean shirt and jeans. For only the second time since I’d arrived, I was nervous that what I had to wear wasn’t going to make the cut. I wrapped my long, wet hair into a bun at the nape of my neck and grabbed my purse. Belatedly, I thought of Skipper. I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone, and I ran outside to call him in to be kenneled. Henry and his mastiff, Honcho, were out on the veranda. Skipper was lying next to Honcho, his tongue lolling out as he panted and kicked his paws in his doggy dream.
“Mr. Hargrave, do you mind if Skipper stays out with you while I’m gone?” I asked. I was still a little nervous around the Hargrave patriarch, but he seemed to genuinely like Skipper, and sometimes, even me.
“No problem, Rachel,” he ground out in his ultra-deep bass. “When you get back, we need to talk. Texas Tango is arriving the third, and we’re debuting him and his owner, Miss. Vale, at the Fourth of July party.”
I nodded. “What do you need from me?” I asked. “I can use my right hand much better now. Do you want me to add Texas Tango to my roster?” I offered. Mr. Hargrave chuckled and Honcho lifted his big, square head sleepily at the sound.
“Nothing that difficult. I just want you to make a list of things that Miss Vale might need. We’re not used to having honest to God celebrities here. The missus is going half-crazy trying to get everything perfect.” He sighed. “Why do you think me and the boys here are hiding outside? Damn woman can’t stop picking at imaginary messes everywhere,” he griped.
I jumped as a slender, feminine hand reached out and swatted his shoulder. I stared wide-eyed at Henry as he laughed. “I knew she heard me. The window was open,” he explained, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.
I laughed in surprise and with the pure delight of seeing a rare moment between these reserved, stoic ranchers. It was the first time I’d seen Henry Hargrave be anything but the ranch boss, stern father, or community pillar. I couldn’t help but continue to watch them as Hannah leaned in to quickly and tenderly kiss her husband. Their open affection made me feel like anything was possible and romance could last beyond the skin hunger of two people caught in the riptide, clinging to each other for whatever connection they could make. This was love beyond first blush, after roses had become rare, and a life built together had more merit than any words.
I was envious. I knew that a life like that would probably not happen for me. Not since the accident, since my body had been broken in ways that no medicine could fix, and no red-blooded man would desire. Oh, maybe for a night, but my body was no longer fit for building a family or a life with a man. Tears misted my vision and I stumbled down the veranda steps to the driveway and waited for Patricia and Hannah there.
Daniel came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. I stood very still, unsure of how I should behave in front of his parents, Patricia, anyone that just happened to walk by. I felt his frustration and I felt terrible. I turned around to face him, but he was already walking away, my shoulders cooling where his hands had warmed them.
I made up my mind to give him anything he wanted after the party the next day. After all, there’d be alcohol to bolster my courage and all the loveliness and laughter and fireworks to put him in the mood.
So long as I was the one he chose at the end of the night.
The thought worried me, and I gnawed on the fear that I’d waited too long for the entire ride into town. I sat in the backseat, happy to let Patricia and Hannah chat and ignore me. I was so in my own head, I didn’t realize they’d begun to include me in the conversation until Hannah asked if I was all right. She’d asked me a question and I hadn’t answered the first or second time she tried.
“I’m so sorry,” I stammered. “Please repeat the question; I was back here collecting cobwebs. I didn’t hear a thing the two of you were saying.”
Patricia laughed and looked at me over her shoulder. “Naw, we’re old ladies and we weren’t talking about anything important. But, now that I know you’re not listening anyway, I’ll go ahead and start speculatin’ about you and young Daniel.” She chuckled.” It’s about time he heard ‘no’ from a young lady; it gives me no small pleasure to see him all worked up for once, instead of walking around like the cat that ate the cream.”
She snorted at the deep sigh Hannah let out. “Now, Hannah,” she chided her employer and friend. “We both know the rest of your boys won’t take that step until they see him do it.” She looked me in the eye, straining against her seatbelt to turn all the way around in her seat.
“I don’t think Daniel actually likes me very much anymore,” I offered. “I’m sorry if that’s not as interesting as the alternative.” I shrugged. “I’m not very easy to know.”
“Oh, I’ve seen how he looks at you.” Patricia looked at me over her cat-eye glasses. “If you wanted to, you could get that boy walking over hot coals. I just don’t understand why you don’t see it,” she chastened me.
“I’m not as…perfect…physically, as his other women,” I cautioned. “I haven’t had a man look at all my scars and say, ‘Wow, just what I always wanted!’ so I’m not expecting anything from him, or anyone else,” I said the words matter-of-factly, but it released a tight band that had been welded around my heart for the past two years, ever since Jason had forced me to ride while he drove drunk, then dumped me because of all the damage to my body.
He, of course, had walked away unscathed, and had the option of chasing plastic tail like Sara Abbott. I’d worried for a long time that no one would want me. Right in that moment, I just didn’t care anymore.
I met Hannah’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. I was pretty sure I loved her handsome son. Moreover, I was in love with his whole family. But, if he didn’t want me because I’d taken too long to give him my unique and disconcerting body, I would live. Because Lago Colina had made me a better veterinarian than peers who were already graduated. By the time I was done with school, I’d have a resume that boasted being the onsite vet for a huge horsing operation, having successfully delivered in high risk foalings, and having been entrusted with some of the most expensive investments in the equine world.
“What are you thinking, lovey?” Hannah asked, releasing my gaze as the light turned green and she moved through the intersection to the restaurant valet.
“I just realized how glad I am that I work for you and Mr. Hargrave,” I replied. “I’ve done good work, and you trusted me to. I won’t forget that anytime soon.” My door opened and a valet waited for me to climb out. I looked down at my clothes. “I’m sorry, Hannah. This really was the best I had to wear. I don’t know where I thought I’d be acceptable in it, though.” I felt like a hick at the country club. I walked inside behind them as she waved off my concerns. I almost laughed out loud when I realized we were actually at a country club.
I looked around and sure enough, there were eyes staring at me from every corner of the dining room. I stood closer to Hannah and kept my own eyes down as we were led to our table. I felt a hand on my arm and looked up, immediately wishing for a giant hole to appear in the floor, swallow me whole, and close behind me. Standing there was no other than Sara Abbott. I stood taller and braced myself for a fight. Before either of us could throw the first blow, Hannah spoke up cheerfully.
“Sara, how good to see you. You’ve had more work done; soon I won’t recognize you!” she exclaimed in a sweet, happy tone that belied the words. It was a talent I didn’t possess, but Hannah was a true southern belle. Sappy, sweet, mean girl was the standard around these parts. I looked from Hannah to Sara. Hannah’s smile was tight and forced, and Sara just wore her standard petulant face.
“I was just saying ‘hello’ to little Rachel here. I heard you didn’t quite make Daniel’s to-do list, honey. I’m sorry.” She batted her eyelashes at me as she ignored Hannah and tried to strike out at me.
“Well, that’s a relief,” I finally replied, feeling as brave standing next to Hannah as I would’ve with my outspoken best friend, Tracy. So brave, that I added a bite of my own, saying: “I would rather just not be on the list, than be one more finished chore.” I resisted the almost irrepressible urge to high five my employer and turned my back on Sara, sitting at the table and picking up a menu. Patricia had enough sense to wait until Sara had walked out of earshot before laughing.
As though a switch was flipped, I went from being anxious and afraid, to feeling like I owned the whole country club. I grinned at Hannah. No wonder she and my mother had ben immediate friends.
I had lucked into the best employers I’d ever heard of in the ranching community. I laughed and actually contributed to the conversation over a scrumptious lunch of wild salmon and caper berries, and even splurged on dessert. After all, Patricia (really, doll, call me Patty, everyone else does), had pointed out that if you want to feel good in clothes after you get them home, it’s best to be a little “poufy” when you try them on.
Hannah wasn’t sure of the logic, but I planned on working it all off doing chores anyway, so I ordered and demolished a bright, tangy lemon cheesecake mousse with fresh berries. I asked to be rolled out to the Escalade, but Hannah assured me that if I hadn’t had to undo my pants, I was fine. The ladies asked for my input when it came time to choose a dress shop, but I honestly didn’t know where to start, so Hannah drove us to Linda Asaf downtown.
I lost a little confidence walking in the store, which apparently catered to special events and weddings. I looked at the clothes on display, but nothing was in my price range, or seemed right for a simple garden party. Hannah also seemed disappointed, so we moved on to one of her favorite stops, Solid Gold. The prices, if anything, were higher, but I justified the adorable print jumpsuit and scarf I had hanging over my arm as long overdue.
For the party, I found a white garden dress with a lovely red and blue floral print, with a sweetheart neckline and flared skirt. It was reminiscent of the 1950s, and I loved it. I found a perfect set of pumps to go with it, also in red and blue, and Hannah picked out some earrings and a gold necklace with a locket in the shape of a blooming flower.
I couldn’t bring myself to add up the totals and tried to block out the sales associate as he completed the sale. I could only thank God that I had no living expenses and that, since finding them Texas Tango and proving my skill with difficult foalings, they’d foregone both the title and free labor of “intern” and simply given me the wage of any on-site veterinarian. It was a significant step up, and I had planned to take the extra money and give it to my parents for the last of my medical expenses.
However, laden with my new clothes and sitting in the backseat again with my phone, a quick bank account appraisal laid my fears of poverty to rest. I transferred the money for my parents to my savings so that Hannah and Patty couldn’t accidentally tempt me to spend it and even slipped the new pumps on my feet just to admire them.
The next stop was the salon, and at first, I opted for a simple pedicure. After all, with my hard work, my hands would just get beaten up before anyone had time to notice if they were pretty or not. Patty talked me into a manicure with no colored polish, just to relax and to receive what she called “routine maintenance” on my hands.
“You, of all people, need the most frequent manicures, dolly,” she said, calling me by the nickname she’d bestowed on me the first time we’d met. Patty stood at over five foot ten inches, so my somewhat diminutive five foot two must have looked ridiculous to her.
I had to respect her, though. Not too long into my stay, I came upon Kaiser looking very ill and refusing to stand. Within minutes, I was able to say with a surety that the poor stallion had colic.
It was Patty who’d ended up out in the stable with me all night, long after Daniel had finally collapsed in a corner, unwilling to leave his best friend alone, but too exhausted by his worry to be of any use to the sick horse. As I looked at her the next morning, gray hair sticking out at every which angle, glasses crooked on her nose, I had decided that she could call me whatever the hell she wanted. She’d become my first real friend on the ranch after that. Happily, not the last, but still, the most cherished.
“What are you thinking, back there? You haven’t stopped smiling since you got in the car,” Hannah asked, breaking my reverie. We had finished getting our nails done, and after that, we’d stopped at the outlet mall to visit the Ulta store for makeup and hair supplies. With the tail end full of bags and still wearing flip flop sandals to keep our toes from smudging, we were finally headed home.
“Oh, I was thinking about how I got to know Patty, actually,” I replied with a grin. “The only thing I never found out is why an administrative assistant would take time out of her own schedule, and ruin her business clothes, to help out in the stable, not just for an hour or two, but all night long.”
“You know, Rachel, I think it just came down to, we’re all horse people, and the horse needed us all,” Patty replied. Hannah went on to disclose that her friend had been a champion rider when she was younger and had always had a soft spot for both Daniel and Kaiser.
“She was there when Daniel was born, actually,” Hannah related as she drove, occasionally glancing in the rearview at me. “Patty is the employee who has been with us the longest. She’s taken care of us for so long, I can’t imagine what we’ll do when she gets tired of us.” Hannah sighed, and Patty echoed the sentiment. I wondered what Tracy and I would be like when we got to this stage in our lives. If we were still friends, I figured it would be a lot like this.
There were several men gathered in the front of the big house when we arrived. As Hannah stepped down from the Escalade, looks of relief sprouted on most of the faces. Apparently in a collective effort to get supper on the table, the men pressed forward to offer the two older ladies assistance with their shopping bags and packages. Daniel appeared at my elbow with a hand outstretched to take my bags for me. When he felt the weight of them all on his wrist, he glanced at me in alarm.
“Don’t look at me like that!” I declared. “I haven’t purchased new clothes for myself in almost two years!” I petted the bags from Solid Gold lovingly. “I deserved this, so I gave it to myself. No judging.” I wagged a finger in his face. I called Skipper, who looked like he hadn’t moved a muscle since I left. With sad eyes, he thumped his tail on the deck, as if to say “Mom, can I have five more minutes?” I laughed and followed Daniel to the mini-veranda of my cabin, leaving Skipper to hang out with his new favorite canine-buddy, Honcho.
“Do I get a preview?” Daniel asked as he laid the parcels and bags on my bed. He slipped his hands around me and rested them lightly at the base of my back. I moved in closer and he slid one hand down to cup my behind and gave it a little squeeze. I giggled in spite of myself, and he kissed me long and deep. Pulling back for air, I licked my lips and tasted honey and hops.
“Mmm. Is that some sort of beer I taste on your lips?” I asked, feigning shock. It was a well-known “secret” around the ranch that Pete was learning to brew his own beer. I assumed that this was a sampling of his latest experiment. “You should let Pete know, I like that one,” I said as Daniel kissed me again, cutting off anything else I could say as his tongue dipped and stroked inside my mouth, coaxing a moan from me as he gripped me against him, one hand on my ass, the other sliding up between us to tease my breast through the fabric of my shirt.
“Oh God, you do drive a man to drink, Rachel,” he panted. I kissed him on the jaw, and grazed his neck with my teeth. For a split second, I remembered my encounter with Sara in town and stiffened, and thought to pull away. Instead, I shoved the bags off my bed onto the hardwood floor and pulled him to me, falling back onto the mattress as the bed caught the backs of my knees. I slid back on the bed and crooked a finger at him, motioning him to join me.
With an abrupt laugh that had nothing to do with humor and everything to do with anticipation, Daniel knelt over me on the bed. He spread my knees with his hands and knelt between my legs, running his fingers down the insides of my thighs until he reached the “V” of at the top of my legs. Even through my jeans, he could feel my heat, and his breathing went shallow as he licked his lips and stared into my eyes.
His eyes never left mine as he undid my jeans and pulled them off. He tossed them aside and grabbed a handful of my panties, rubbing his thumb over the damp center before tugging them down my legs. I waited for him to stare at the light scarring that traveled down my right thigh, but he didn’t look at my nakedness at all.
Instead, he began unbuttoning my blouse. With each button, he pushed the freed fabric out of the way and kissed my stomach, over the scars to the smooth, untouched skin above them. As he reached the last button, I started to sit up to pull my arms out, but he shook his head and pushed me back down.
I laid nearly naked on the bed, with only my bra and the sleeves of my shirt covering any part of me. Daniel kissed me on the lips, flicking his tongue between them before moving down to my neck. He left a hot, wet trail on my skin as he made his way down to my breasts, pulling each mound of flesh from the bra and kissing and sucking the tender skin around my nipples. He drew one nipple into his mouth and sucked hard enough to make me gasp. My hips pressed up against him automatically.
I ran my fingers through his thick hair and clenched my hands into fists as his fingers found the trembling, wet center of me. I felt my body clench around him, and he stopped sucking my nipple and became very still. I looked down, worried that I’d done something wrong. He was staring up at me. His eyes were full of something dark and hungry that I’d never seen before. He released my breast and slid down the length of my body and nuzzled the mound of flesh below my belly button.
I gasped as he pushed my legs as far apart as they would go and drove his tongue inside me. The pleasure built so quickly that my breath came in little gasping screams while I fisted the bedding up in my hands and held on, as though the waves that were crashing over me could sweep me away. Soon, I was drowning in the sensations of his fingers and tongue inside me, his rough stubble rubbing the tender skin of my upper thighs raw.
He lifted my hips for a better angle and the shift pushed me screaming over the edge. My back arched and body writhed as he rubbed his fingers over that spot again and again. Shuddering, I collapsed onto the bed and shuddered, blindly reaching for his hand as I regained control of my breathing and let my heart slow from its frantic pace.
“Are you okay?” he said to me. All I could do was nod, eyes closed. He chuckled and slid up behind me to spoon me against his body. “You taste like sunshine,” he whispered in my ear, making me shiver as the echo of my orgasm breathed over me at his words.
“As soon as I can move, I’ll return the favor.” His chest was warm and solid against my back, making me feel protected and whole. His hand trailed over my side, and I flinched as he found the bunchy scar tissue of my lower abdomen. He pushed my hair away and kissed the nape of my neck.
“Nope,” he whispered into my ear. “Later, maybe, but right now, you just lay here and know that I’m not going anywhere.”
Tendrils of love wrapped themselves around me everywhere he touched my skin, wending their way through my veins to my heart. I knew in that moment that I could never just walk away without breaking myself with the effort. I couldn’t tell him my painful truth while he held me sated in his arms, but now, I would have to.