Casey eyed them wearily. “Really? The three of you against me?”

Marissa snorted. “Do you really think you’re all that? You’re second line, Casey. Get behind us.”

Her eyes snapped in irritation. “I am not second line. How dare you say that?!”

Marissa’s tiny body was tense and she looked ready to hurl herself at the girl, but she threw her chin forward. Her arms crossed over her chest and she glared. The loathing in her eyes sent me backwards a step. Then she growled. “Are you effing kidding me? You’re always second line. You got second line in cheerleading. You’re in the honors class, not the highest honors. You get Bs when I get As. I get the captains and you’re lucky to get a starter. Do I need to keep going?” She threw her arms wide. “You’re second best, Casey. You always will be. Just get used to it and settle back. Shut the hell up, bitch.”

It was at that time that I grew tired of the conversation. Confrontations happened all the time, but it didn’t matter. They had stopped mattering when I lost my brother. It might’ve sounded cliché, but I no longer cared. It was all stupid and senseless.

I edged towards the end of the crowd that had formed and slipped around the corner. I flattened myself against the side of the concessions building and took a few deep breaths. None of it mattered. Nothing. There was more to life. I took a few more deep breaths and tried to calm myself down, but why were my hands still shaking? Why was my breathing so labored? Maybe it did matter?

“Hey.”

I calmed instantly and stopped.

Jesse was at the far end of the building. He stepped closer, but reeked of sweat. Then he took off his cap and shook out his sweaty hair. Droplets splattered on me and he grinned. “Sorry about that.”

I ducked my head to hide my grin. I shouldn’t have been so happy to see him.

Then he leaned an arm beside me. He gave me a cocky smirk. “You left real quick this afternoon.”

I jerked a shoulder up. My cheeks were still aflame.

Then he chuckled. “A guy who was more insecure might’ve thought he wasn’t good in bed.”

I choked out a laugh, but smothered it quickly. Then I rolled my eyes at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” He edged closer.

My smile wiped away. I saw he was. I stood straighter.

His mouth curved up in a grin, but it dipped down again. The smile was faulty. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded and let out a breath in relief. “Good. That’s good.”

“Are you?”

“What?” He looked back up, surprised.

“Are you okay?” My grin was precious.

Then he choked out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you feel.”

His hand caught my shirt and I closed my eyes. His hand was so close to me. Then it curved inwards and I was pulled closer. His hand touched the base of my neck and spread upward. He cupped my chin and lifted it so I looked in his eyes. He had moved even closer. Then he whispered as his lips brushed against mine, “I only feel with you.”

“I know.” My heart was racing. It pounded in every cell of my body. I was alive in his touch.

His eyes dipped to my lips.

Desire blasted within me. I grew wet between my legs.

He moved closer. I felt him press against me. He whispered again, “Ethan wouldn’t want this.”

I curved a hand up and around the back of his head. This time I was the one that held him in place and I anchored him to look in my eyes. When they snapped to mine, I breathed out, “He’s the reason for this.”

And then his lips were on mine. I surged against him and as I opened my mouth, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. When Jesse would leave, a part of me would go with him, but until then, I let myself go. I succumbed to him and it wasn’t long before he swept an arm around me and held me against him. We both knew where we would end that night.

CHAPTER FIVE

That was my last night with Jesse. He left for Grant West a few weeks later and I got ready for my senior year in school. It wasn’t the same as last year. So much time had passed. Last summer, I was still reeling from Ethan’s death. I was trying to figure out how to move on, to survive, but this year was a bit different. While I wasn’t trying how to figure out to exist, I was trying to figure out how to live. It might not have made sense to most people, but there was a difference between living and existing. I existed before. I was trying to live now.

As I walked into school on my first day as a senior, I couldn’t stop the sadness inside of me. Ethan had been a great senior; he had led where Jesse was supposed to take over. Then both of them were going to room together at the university they both would share. While he would never fulfill their promise to attend college together, Jesse fulfilled the plan of ruling his year being a senior. He stopped being my friend and staying at my home, he excelled where Ethan had left him behind. He took over in sports. He excelled in his studies and graduated as the valedictorian. And he received seven full scholarships because of his work.

After everything we’d been through, I realized now that Jesse had turned his emotions off. He didn’t want to feel that year and I didn’t blame him. I didn’t want to feel either. I still didn’t. But he had gone from a nice guy to a badass womanizer. Jesse had left our school with the reputation of a player, but after this past summer, I wasn’t sure if he had wanted that reputation.