Broken and Screwed

“Ben.” His voice came out as a squeak. He seemed mortified and squeaked again as he huddled beside me.

As Cord sat beside me, he pulled out some leather gloves and slipped them on. He shuddered in his jacket. “Man, its cold out here. It’s a little bit warmer at Grant West, by ten degrees at least. I forget how much that makes a difference.” He laughed a little. “I haven’t been back home since last Christmas. I think my mom had a heart attack when I walked through the door. All her biscuits went on the floor. One’s stuck to the ceiling.”

He talked to me as if we were best friends. Was he like this with everyone or had Marissa spoken so much about me he felt like he knew me? My tongue felt heavy as I asked, “So how did you and Marissa get together?”

“Through Jesse.” He grinned and caught my gaze. His eyes were so warm.

My heart stopped. Through Jesse?

“Really?” My throat felt constricted now. “How did that happen?”

He laughed again and hunched his shoulders forward for warmth. “She kept calling the house one night. Jesse was tired of it so he told me to talk to her.”

“She was calling him?”

He nodded and gave me another good-natured grin. “Yep. I told her off. She told me off right back and then I started to take her calls when she would call.” He laughed again. “Man, I can’t believe how many girls throw themselves at Jesse. He’s a big deal around here, huh?”

“You could say that.”

My heart sank at his words. Marissa had still chased him. When I felt tears coming to my eyes, I stood up. “Excuse me. I’m going to get something to drink.”

“Alex, get me one too!” Ben hollered, but I hurried down the bleachers and through the crowd. More and more people stood between me and some fresh air. I needed that air. I needed that freedom. Everything was suffocating me.

As I slipped around a building, I heaved in deep breaths. No one else was there. Thankful for the privacy, I pressed my forehead against the building and took more breaths.

How could she do that? Didn’t she remember?

Betrayal, longing, and hurt settled over me.

How was I going to last the night? Oh god. Was I going to say anything to Angie about it?

“Alex?”

I stiffened. Eric had the worst timing.

He came further around the side of the building, a frown on his face. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I tried to smile as I wiped the tears away. “I’m fine. What are you doing?”

His frown doubled. “I saw you leave the stands and thought something was wrong. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” My best friend stabbed me in the back. “Really.” Then I noticed the tuxedo under his jacket. “You look really handsome.”

“Oh.” He shrugged. “Yeah. Not as beautiful as you’ll be tonight; or that you already are. You already are beautiful. You’re always beautiful, actually. Even in school, and I’m going to stop talking.” He gave me a sheepish look. “You sure you’re okay? You can talk to me, you know. You can talk to me about anything.”

I held my breath and blinked back more tears. He seemed like such a nice guy and I was crying about another guy. What was wrong with me?

“You’re a really nice guy,” I sighed.

His smile slipped a little. “Ah, the words of death.”

“What?”

He looked down at the ground and sighed. “No guy wants to be the nice guy. Nice guys finish last.”

My heart broke again. What was I doing? Here was a great guy and I was waiting for another one who broke me every time. I gave Jesse my virginity and look what I had for it? Nothing. He was away. I was here. He couldn’t even bring himself to call me, while Eric was proclaiming how beautiful I was to him.

I was such an idiot.

I reached out before I knew what I was doing. When my hand touched his, his head whipped up and his eyes went wide. Then he grasped my hand tight and pulled me close. His arms lifted and he hugged me. That was it, nothing more. I let out a surrendering breath and let myself enjoy what he was offering. Nothing. He was offering a hug.

It’d been a long time since I’d only been held. It felt needed.

I hugged him back.

Eric hugged me tighter to him, but then he stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, I don’t really know how to say this, so I guess I’m just going to say it.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, here it goes.” His eyes found me. They were piercing. “I want to be more than friends, Alex. I really like you. I’ve really liked you for awhile, but you seemed so lost last year. I, uh, would you consider going on a real date with me? Tonight doesn’t have to be it, just some other night.”

I stood there. I had no thoughts.

He kicked at the ground and pushed his hands in his jacket’s pockets. Then he glanced around. “You can think about it. You don’t have to answer right now. We could go bowling or eat or go see a movie or whatever.” His shoulders lifted up and down again. “Let me know, you know?”

“I will.”

“Really?”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Oh.”

Someone yelled his name and he gave me resigned look. “I guess that’s my call. Are you coming to watch the Court? Your friends look real nice too.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m coming.”