It was something I learned after the funeral and I was okay with it now. Hell. I loved Jesse more than myself. I couldn’t blame my parents at all.

CHAPTER EIGHT

I stayed in the next day. Angie came over at one point to rant about the meaning of friendship, but she didn’t last long. Both of my friends had stopped visiting since Ethan’s death and I didn’t blame them. There was an empty feeling in my home. I had grown used to it and was now almost comforted by it. I knew that was sad and twisted, but it was beyond my control. So when Angie started checking her phone and glancing at the door after an hour in my room, I knew she’d felt the itch to go.

After she left, I huddled in my bed and stayed there. One movie turned into two, turned into three, and after the fourth, my stomach growled so loudly that I was forced to leave for the kitchen. Once I was down there, I stopped in the foyer.

There was no sound in the living room.

I circled through the first floor of our little house. Every room was empty. The basement was the same, and then, my heart starting to pound, I went upstairs. The bathroom was empty. My parents’ master bedroom was empty. The room Jesse always used was empty as well, and the last room was Ethan’s. His door was closed. It had been over a year now. My hand started to tremble, but I pushed open the door.

His black comforter was pulled straight over his bed. His pillows were piled high, along with the bag he had left on his bed that last day.

I drew in a shuddering breath.

It’d been a little over a year. I couldn’t believe it.

After entering the room, I shut the door again and backed up to the wall.

I hadn’t gone into his room since his funeral and I couldn’t make myself even look around it now. His presence was so overwhelming; I felt as if he was in here, maybe on his bed, and he had looked up at my arrival. He always did that when I’d push open the door for some question or a stupid excuse to see if Jesse was with him. Some days he’d tell me to leave, but other days he’d welcome my arrival.

I gasped out loud and tried to draw in another breath.

Then the tears started. Why did I feel him? Why did it seem as if he were right next to me? Then the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up.

I had to get out of there.

I shot to my feet and sprinted from the hallway. I grabbed my purse, my coat, and I was out the door within moments.

I still felt him.

As I got into my car, my fingers were clumsy and I dropped the keys twice. After the third time while I gritted my teeth, I was able to turn the engine on. And then my phone went off. I jumped and gasped again. My eyes grew blurry as I reached for it. When I read Marissa’s name on the screen, I sighed from relief.

Slowly, the world returned to focus and my heart stopped pounding in my ear. I was able to see once more.

As I hit the answer button, I collapsed against my seat and sighed, “Yeah?”

“Oh my gosh.” Marissa drew in her own breath. “Thank God you answered me. I’ve been calling you all night. I’m so, so, so sorry about Jesse. I really am.”

“What happened to Cord last night?” I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say about Jesse.

“Wait, what? What are you talking about?”

There was my answer. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“Wait, did something happen to Cord last night? He dropped me off and was going to pick me up later. I was supposed to sneak out since my parents have become wack crazy with me lately, but he never showed. Did something happen? I assumed he ditched.” Her voice raised a note. “Oh, my gosh. What if something did happen? I’m so horrible. I was cursing at him all night and I even defriended him on Facebook.”

I regretted saying anything now.

“Alex, did something happen? Please tell me what you know. You know something, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked about him. What happened? Please, please, please don’t make this about you and me. I messed up. I am a horrible, horrible friend. I never should’ve called Jesse, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Cord. Please tell me!”

I sat back up again. My voice was quiet. “You love him?”

“Yes!” she cried out. “I didn’t realize it until last night, and it was the most bittersweet night for me. I knew I might’ve lost you as a friend, but I realized that I loved Cord, and then I thought he ditched me, you know the rest. Please, tell me!”

I shook my head. I could already hear Angie’s protests, but I tuned them out. “He was arrested last night.”

“What?! How? What happened?”

“I don’t know. That’s all I know.”

“Alex,” she pleaded.

“That’s really all I know.”

“Wait, how do you even know that? Cord was going to see some of his old friends. Do you know Jeremy Benson and James Mazel? They graduated two years ahead of us.”

“No, I don’t know them.” But I knew of them. They were the gods of the school before Jesse firmly took that reign over last year. I should’ve remembered they were friends with Cord. But I remembered now they were known to break a law or two.

My heart shuttered. I didn’t want Jesse mixed up with them.

“I have to go, Marissa.”

“What? Wait! What?”

But I hung up over her pleads and turned my car onto the road. My life might’ve been frozen at a standstill over the last year, but I wasn’t going to let Jesse let his go down the drain. He might’ve been an ass at times, but he was a gifted ass and he was meant for better things than the rest of us. I felt that in my bones.