Burned

She wasn’t the least bit surprised when I told her I was leaving Jordan and she didn’t even bat an eye when I told her I was kind of, sort of seeing Collin so soon after I filed for a separation. My parents always loved Collin and she was thrilled to hear that we were in each other’s lives again. There was no love loss between her and Jordan. Just like Phina, she never judged me for trying to stick it out and make things work, but she was more than a little overjoyed to hear that I had finally had enough and was moving on.

After letting her know that I’m still alive and promising to bring Collin over to see her soon, I end the call and get busy with my task.

My plan was to just box up all of Jordan’s clothes and other personal items that he didn’t take with him when he moved out six weeks ago, but once that was finished, I moved on to other things that I no longer wanted in my house. Our wedding album was the first of those items. I didn’t even bother to flip through the pages one last time as I tossed it into the bottom of an empty box. I didn’t care to see the smiling, hopeful look on my face on what I thought was the happiest day of my life. The woman in those photos was a silly, trusting fool.

On top of the album I stack every single framed photograph of the two of us together that used to hang on the walls as well as three other photo albums filled with snapshots of us throughout the years. I pack away every gift he’s ever given me, every card, every note and I shove it all away until I’m standing in our bedroom surrounded by boxes. Seventeen years packed into ten boxes. Seventeen years of memories, promises and hope all hidden away in ten squares of cardboard taped tightly shut for fear they might try to sneak out and worm their way into my life again.

I carry the boxes downstairs and stack them by the front door, my body worn out and covered in sweat by the time I’m finished. I look around the house at the empty nails on the walls where pictures of us used to hang and stare at the DVD case by the TV that now only holds a small handful of my favorite movies since the majority of the ones we owned were his. I sigh in relief, looking forward to dropping these boxes off at Jordan’s parents house and finally having him completely out of my life. I have no idea where he’s staying since his parents haven’t heard from him and I don’t care. I just want this stuff out of my house for good. His parents can deal with it however they want.

When I glance at the clock on the wall, I realize that three hours have passed since I last talked to Collin. He was called back into work on an emergency call and a little ball of worry ties my stomach in knots. I have no idea how long a call normally takes, but something tells me three hours is a long time for something non-serious. It occurs to me right then and there just how dangerous Collin’s job is. He could be hurt at any moment. I know he’s had years of training and he made captain, so he’s obviously good at what he does, but that doesn’t stop accidents from happening.

To take my mind off of thoughts of him being stuck in a burning building or something equally terrifying, I head upstairs and run a hot bath. When the tub is full and almost overflowing with bubbles, I strip off my clothes and sink into the warm water, resting my head against the bath pillow and closing my eyes. I think back over every time we’ve had sex and how much better it gets every single time.

I think about that day at the station and how he rocked my body on top of the speaker while the bass vibrated beneath me. I never thought I’d want to own a giant subwoofer, but something tells me I’ll be running out to Best Buy and purchasing one as soon as possible. Running my hands up my thighs under the water, I remember how good it felt to have his tongue driving into me over and over and my fingers ghost between my legs. I picture the look on Collin’s face when he sucked on his fingers before plunging them inside of me and the small tingling of desire between my legs turns into full blown need. I quickly push two of my fingers inside me and, even though they don’t provide anywhere near as much pleasure as Collin’s long, thick fingers, they’ll do for now. Seventeen days worth of memories scroll through my mind as I pump my fingers roughly in and out a few times before dragging them through my folds to rub against my clit. I moan in the quiet room and my voice echoes off of the tiles, the house silent but for my sounds of pleasure and the sloshing of the bath water as my hand moves faster and faster between my legs.

I picture his hand wrapped around his c**k that day in the weight room and the predatory look in his eyes as he stared at me while he pumped that hand up and down his hard length. I think about how much I wanted him to make himself come while he stood before me. How his face would have frozen with a look of unabashed pleasure while he palmed his c**k until he came against my stomach. How I would have driven him crazy by sliding my fingers through the mess and then bringing it up to my lips, sucking his taste from my fingers until he grew hard again.

I think about the pleasure and pain of having him f**k my ass for the first time and I know without a doubt I’ll want to repeat that experience again.

My fingers move faster and faster over my clit until my back arches and I call out Collin’s name as I come.

I MUST’VE DRIFTED off after I brought myself to orgasm and I wake with a start and quickly sit up, some of the now lukewarm water splashing over the edge of the tub. I figure the cold water was the cause for my sudden wake-up until I hear a thump and realize a similar noise is what jolted me out of my bath time slumber moments ago.

Straining my ears, I wait to see if I hear anything else and when another thunk sounds from down below, I quickly pull myself out of the tub and grab the clean towel I threw on the floor. Drying myself off as fast as I can, I grab my short black robe from the back of the bathroom door and slip it on, tying the belt around my waist. I figure its Collin downstairs since I told him to just come over as soon as he got off work. In my haste to get down to him, I forget that the front door was locked and he doesn’t have a key. Eager to see him again, my nose doesn’t register the cloying, faintly sweet, noxious scent drifting around the corner until I’m stepping into living the room and it’s too late. The smell is so strong that I almost wonder why I can’t see it floating in the air around me.