Chasing Perfect

“He’s also determined. Even when he was younger, he was incredibly focused. Talent is never enough. Drive is just as important. He’s a good man.”

Charity leaned back against the sofa. “Is there a ‘but’ in that sentence?”

“No. I think Josh is very special. He needs someone in his life, and I’m going to risk our new relationship by saying you do, as well.”

“I want that,” she admitted. “But I’m not sure about Josh.”

“Because the rumors about his talents are overrated?” Marsha’s lips twitched as she asked the question.

“Are you trying to find out about my love life?”

“Only in the broadest sense. I think too many details would make us both uncomfortable.”

Charity laughed. “You’re right. No, the rumors aren’t exaggerated. Josh is great and I really like being with him. He’s funny and caring and smart. Not to mention gorgeous.”

“Now I’m sensing a ‘but’ in the conversation.”

“But he’s dangerous. The whole fame thing is uncomfortable. I don’t want to be a bright star in the world. I want my life to be anchored here. I want normal.”

“Josh is very normal and this is his home.”

“For now. But what happens when he competes again? What happens if he makes his comeback? He becomes successful racer-guy again. I’m not saying I don’t want that. If it makes him happy, if it heals him, then he should go for it. But I’m not interested in someone who needs the approval of the world to feel good about himself.”

“Is that what you think he wants?”

“I’m not sure,” Charity admitted. “But I’m worried about it. I want to be in a relationship where I’m the most important person in someone’s life. I want to feel the same way about him. I can’t compete with an adoring crowd.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have to.”

“Maybe.” Charity was less sure. “For now, it’s not an issue. We’re getting to know each other.”

Marsha smiled. “Be careful. That’s how every great love begins.”

AFTER JOSH FINISHED working out with the team, he went back to the hotel and showered. When he was dressed, he glanced at the clock. Charity wouldn’t leave work for another couple of hours. He could go into his office, but he wasn’t in the mood. Restlessness drove him out of the hotel. He walked along the sidewalk, no destination in mind. Then he turned a corner and saw a sign for a familiar business.

Hendrix Construction had been around for about forty years. Ethan’s grandfather had started the company, and his father had taken it over a decade later. When they’d been kids, Ethan had sworn he wasn’t going to follow anyone into the family business. A few weeks after Ethan had graduated from college, his father had died unexpectedly. As the oldest son, it fell to him to take over the company and keep it going.

Maybe Ethan had planned for one of his brothers to join him or buy him out, but that hadn’t happened. Nearly ten years later, Ethan ran both the construction and the windmill businesses.

Josh stared at the building. He could see several people inside and wondered if Ethan was one of them. For all he knew his former friend could be at a job site or out at the windmill building plant. Still, he could walk over and find out.

He took a step, then stopped. Not counting the phone messages he’d left, it had been a long time since he’d talked to Ethan. Over ten years. He wasn’t sure what to say. The truth was he hadn’t done anything wrong. Ethan’s injury wasn’t his responsibility or his fault. So why did he feel so damned bad about it?

Knowing there was only one way to get the answer, he crossed the street and walked into the office.

Nevada Hendrix, one of Ethan’s sisters, sat on the reception desk, her feet dangling. Her jeans and T-shirt were smudged with plaster dust, her boots worn and practical, rather than a fashion statement. She gestured intensely as she spoke.

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” she was saying. “About all of it. If you would just shut up and—” She raised her head and saw Josh. “Dear God!”

She jumped off the desk and stared at him. “You’re here.”

“In the flesh. Is he here?”

He didn’t have to tell Nevada who he meant.

“Ah, sure. In his office.” She gestured toward the rear of the building.

“I can find it,” he told her, then pointed to the receiver she held. “You’re still on a call.”

“What? Oh.” She returned her attention to the call.

He walked between the desks, which were mostly empty. The engineers and sales staff would be out calling on customers or at job sites.

At the rear of the building was a large lunch room, an alcove with office supplies and several big printers, and a single door with Ethan’s name on it. Josh knocked once, then pushed it open.

Ethan sat behind his desk, working on his computer. His expression was intense as he used his mouse.

“Not my problem,” he said, his attention still on the screen. “I don’t care about your engineering degree. You’re wrong about the bridge and I’m going to prove it to you.”

“Huh. And here I thought I had a business degree.”

Ethan looked up. He raised his eyebrows. “I thought you were Nevada.”

“Apparently.”

Ethan motioned to the seat across from his desk, saved his work, then faced Josh. “This is a surprise.”

“For me, too,” Josh admitted before sitting. “I came to talk to you.”

Ethan stared at him, his expression unreadable. “So talk.”

Now that he was here, Josh didn’t know what to say. He’d had ten years to plan for this conversation and the hell of it was, he couldn’t remember half of what had happened between them.

“I’ve left you phone messages,” he said. “First every few months and then every couple of years, I tried to get in touch with you.”

Ethan’s left eyebrow raised. “The effort was very meaningful.”

“You didn’t call me back.”

“I was waiting for you to man up and come see me in person.”

“Here I am.”

“I can see that.” Ethan shook his head. “You were gone, Josh. You’d been a part of my life, a part of my family’s life and then you just disappeared. Do you know how that made my mom feel?”

Josh felt his gut roll. “No, but I know it was bad.”

“Worse than bad. Mom loved you like you were one of her own. She kept a goddamn scrapbook of your racing career.”

Josh wished there was a nearby rock. Crawling under it would feel better than this.

“I f**ked up,” he admitted.

“You sure did.”

They stared at each other.

“The accident wasn’t my fault,” Josh said at last. “You ran into me. I’m lucky I didn’t go down, too.”

Ethan leaned back in his chair, but didn’t speak.

“You got hurt,” Josh continued. “It happens. You moved on, you’ve got a great life. Look at this place. It’s what, double the size it was when your dad ran it? And the windmill company. You’re a success.”

“I know.”

Ethan wasn’t giving anything away, which really pissed Josh off. He stood.

“I’m done feeling guilty. It’s not my fault that you had to give up racing. I’m done paying for it. I was wrong to stay away and I’ve apologized for that. So you need to get off my ass.”

Ethan waited a couple of seconds. “You about done?”

“Yeah.” Josh sat back down.

Ethan leaned toward him. “I was never on your ass.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I never blamed you for what happened.” A smile flashed. “I had that race locked.” The smile faded and his expression hardened. “After the accident, you didn’t come to see me in the hospital. You were like a brother to me and you didn’t want to get close, in case getting injured was something you could catch.”

Josh shifted on his seat, feeling ashamed and stupid. “It wasn’t that,” he began, then shook his head. “No. It was that. You were great, Ethan, and I knew if it could happen to you, it could happen to anyone. So I stayed away. I’m sorry.”

“We were like brothers.”

Josh nodded.

“You kept staying away.”

“I didn’t know what to say,” Josh admitted.

“I figured.”

“What? Then why didn’t you come talk to me?”

“I knew you’d be back one day.” Ethan looked smug. “I just didn’t think it would take ten years. Of course I’ve always been the one with the brains. And the good looks.”

“In your dreams.”

There was more to say. More to explain and apologize for, but that would come later. Right now, the first step had been taken. All he could think was how much time he’d wasted—they’d both wasted. Gladys was right—men were idiots.

Josh stood. “Want to go to Jo’s and get a drink?”

“Sure.”

They headed out. Nevada was still on the phone. She stopped talking and stared at them as they left.

“You’re going to be getting some calls later,” Josh said, as they headed for Jo’s.

“From the girls and Mom. Should make for an interesting day.”

They walked into the bar and grabbed a table against the wall. A few of the women already there looked twice, then went back to watching some dating reality show. Jo walked over.

“The usual?” she asked.

Josh nodded. Ethan did the same.

She glanced between them. “You two kiss and make up?”

“There wasn’t any kissing,” Ethan said. “Unless you’re offering.”

She rolled her eyes. “You so couldn’t handle me.” She walked back to the bar.

Josh glanced at his friend. “Jo?”

He shook his head. “No. We flirt, but it doesn’t mean anything. She’s not my type.”

“Since when do you have a type?” Josh asked, then wished he hadn’t. Ethan had been married. He’d loved and lost in the worst way possible. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. So I hear you’re competing again.”

“It’s one race.”

“That’s all it takes to get back in the game.”

Josh wasn’t sure he wanted to be in the game. Right now he was mostly interested in proving something to himself.

“It’s been a long time,” he said. “I’ve been riding, but not seriously.”

“That has to change.”

“I know.”

“It’s all about fundamentals,” Ethan said. “Get back to the basics. Training and focus. There’s an element of luck when you win and being prepared is the best luck you can bring to the game.”

Ethan grabbed a couple of napkins and together they sketched out a training schedule. Grueling, Josh thought as he stared at the breakdown, but worth it. He didn’t tell Ethan that winning was the least of it. Right now competing would be enough of a win.

Josh finished the last of his beer. After tonight there wouldn’t be any more drinking. His diet would be as strict as his training schedule. He didn’t have much time to get in the best shape of his life.

He turned his attention back to his friend. “If you weren’t pissed at me, why have you been in a bad mood for the past few years?”

Ethan shrugged. “Why else? A woman.”

“NO ONE WANTS ME THERE,” Charity said, as she sat in the passenger seat of Josh’s car.

“I want you there,” he said.

They were in the parking lot of a local television studio where a reporter from one of the sports networks was going to interview Josh.

While she appreciated the invitation and all, she wasn’t sure how to tell him everything about this situation made her uncomfortable. She knew she and Josh were involved, but this felt too much like being a celebrity girlfriend. Like she was hanging on to get noticed by the media. It reminded her that once Josh started racing again, his world would be totally different from hers.

She angled toward him, intent on explaining. But before she could speak, he said, “I had a fling with her.

Years ago. Right after the divorce.”

It took Charity a second to put the pieces together.

“The reporter?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You had sex with her?”

He nodded, looking chagrined. “Kind of.”

She didn’t know if she should be hurt or annoyed. “Why did you agree to the interview?”

“It was set up by the race committee. They sent me an e-mail and asked me, so I said yes. We need the publicity. I hoped it wouldn’t be Melrose doing the interview, but it is.” He stared at Charity. “I’m not interested in her. What happened before was a mistake.

A really stupid one.”

She could accept that, but she was still confused. “You had to know this could get you in big trouble with me. So why did you risk that and bring me?”

He cleared his throat and shifted his gaze to the window. “She, ah, called to talk to me a couple of days ago. She sounded really happy that we were going to be spending some time together. Too happy.”

If Charity didn’t know better, she would swear there was a hint of fear in Josh’s eyes.

“And?” she prompted.

“I knew it would be awkward. Having you around makes things more clear.”