Christmas on 4th Street

“Probably not. Although you certainly know how to shop.”

“I might have gone a little overboard.”

“You think?”

She rose. He released her reluctantly, wanting to feel her next to him. Time was moving more quickly every day. It was already the 22nd. He was scheduled to leave before New Year’s. What had been weeks was now days and soon it would be hours.

“All right,” she said. “We need to get organized. The best way to do this is to set up wrapping stations. It takes more time up front, but then the whole process will go more quickly. I’ll clear the table for actual wrapping. We’ll do ribbon in the kitchen and then stack the presents on my desk in the office.”

She reached down and scooped up one of the kittens. “All the better to keep little paws and claws away from anything tempting.” She stroked the kitten as she spoke.

She turned back to him. “Start going through the boxes. Get everything sorted by size. There are gift cards over there.” She pointed with her free hand. “You can write those first so we’ll know who gets what present.”

She carried the kitten into the small office and came back with her laptop. She set it by the sink and logged on to her email program. “Oh, look. Word is spreading about Pia’s baby.”

He still had no clue who Pia was, but liked that Noelle was excited for her. Mayor Marsha had been right—this town looked out for its own.

His conversation with the older woman still left him feeling unsettled. She knew too much, and he couldn’t figure out where she got her information. But rather than trying to figure it out, he’d decided to instead simply enjoy the cards.

“There’s a picture!”

He looked up and saw Noelle pointing to the screen. He rose and walked over to see the grainy picture of the newborn. His skin was red, his eyes tightly closed. But he was beautiful. New life, Gabriel thought.

Noelle handed him the kitten. “I have to go to the bathroom. Yell if any more pictures come in.”

He took the kitten. “You’ll be gone thirty seconds,” he teased. “You can’t go that long without knowing if there’s a new picture?”

She planted her hands on her hips. “Do you or do you not want help wrapping all your presents?”

He chuckled. “I’ll yell if another one comes in.”

“Thank you.”

He watched her walk away, enjoying the sway of her h*ps and the careful way she stepped over all the obstructions—both living and inanimate. Her place was a mess and it was mostly his fault, he thought. Once they got the packages wrapped, he would drive them up to his brother’s. He’d also been thinking he should ask Gideon to put out the word on the older kittens. They were starting to eat regular food, which meant they would soon be old enough to be adopted. He knew Noelle was thinking of keeping the two mother cats, but there was no way she could handle them and the kittens, too.

Her computer pinged. He turned back and saw an email had come in. He clicked on it, thinking he would see another picture of the newborn, only to be confronted with three stark sentences.

Dr. Nelson confirmed it. The cancer is back and it’s bad. I wish there was better news.

Gabriel’s vision sharpened to a single pinpoint of light. All he saw was the email. The words blurred, then sharpened and he understood immediately what had happened. The AML had returned. While it was unlikely, it could happen. What he hadn’t known was that she’d been worried and had been checked out by someone. She hadn’t said a word.

His gut twisted, even as his mind denied the obvious truth. He thought about all she’d been through already. Of the picture she’d shown him and her talking about nearly dying. He thought about everything she’d lost and how she’d just figured out how to have a new life. She was happy, he thought bitterly, furious at the unfairness of the situation. She didn’t deserve this.

Friends would rally, he knew. The town would be there for her, but that wasn’t the same as family. As having someone she could depend on.

“Any news?”

He turned and saw her walking back into the living room. She looked fine. Alert, healthy. Her color was good and it was all a lie.

“Marry me,” he said, not sure where the words had come from, but meaning them. “Marry me. I’ll stay. I’ll take care of you. I can handle it, Noelle. I won’t leave. I’m not Jeremy. You can trust me to stay.”

Her brows drew together. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“You don’t have to pretend. I saw the email. You’ve been to a doctor.”

“What? No, I haven’t.”

“It’s right here,” he said, pointing to the computer. “I want to help. I want to be here for you.”

* * *

Noelle felt as if she’d walked into the middle of a movie where everyone knew the plot but her. Gabriel looked shell-shocked, but clear-eyed. She would guess he didn’t have a head injury. But still. Something was really wrong with the man.

While she was thrilled at the proposal, something about it wasn’t right. He said he would marry her, but made no mention of loving her. Why would he suddenly want to marry her?

He would stay with her? What on earth was he—

She groaned. “I heard from Tammy,” she said quietly, then pushed past him to stand in front of the computer. The message was brief and to the point.

Tears filled her eyes. She brushed them away and took a deep breath, then faced Gabriel.

“It’s not me. Tammy is a friend of mine. We met in the hospital. Obviously, her cancer is back. She was never very strong. This is going to go fast. She wanted me to know.”

There were calls she needed to make, she thought. A visit to plan. Tammy lived in San Francisco. She could go over for a few days. Tammy had a large family who would be with her, but Noelle would need to give her that last hug.

She shook her head, then turned to Gabriel, who was staring at her as if he couldn’t bring himself to believe her. “I’m fine,” she said firmly. “Not sick at all. You don’t have to propose. I’m not dying.”

“You’re sure?”

A simple question that cut like a knife.

“I’m sure.”

He drew in a breath. “I thought, well, you know what I thought.”

They stared at each other, then both looked away. What had once been comfortable was suddenly awkward.

He’d felt pity, she realized. He knew she was pretty much alone in the world, so he’d offered to be there for her. Not out of love, though. He’d never said he loved her.

She saw the truth then, about both of them. She squared her shoulders and prepared to put it on the line.

“I’m too strong for you,” she said flatly. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I suppose I was blinded by your good looks and charm. And how you made me feel. I appreciate what we’ve had together. You’re a great guy, but you’re not the one for me.”

She drew in a breath. “I deserve someone who wants to be with me for the next eighty years, not just eight weeks. It’s not about dying, because you’re right. We could all go tomorrow. But what if we don’t? What if I live to be a hundred? I want to be with a man who would celebrate that.”

Gabriel stared at her, uncomprehending. “I wanted to help,” he said quietly. “I would have taken care of you.”

“I don’t need that,” she told him. “I can handle whatever happens. I’ve proven that. I’ve lived through things you can’t imagine. I am taking chances every day and I deserve someone who will take those chances with me.” She gathered her courage. “I look at a sunrise and I see promise. You look at a sunrise and count the hours until sunset. Life is a gift and we need to accept it with gratitude and a full heart. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t believe that with me.”

“I would have stayed,” he said haltingly.

“I know. But for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m not ready to leave you.”

“Do you love me?”

He took a single step back and that was enough.

“Goodbye, Gabriel.”

Chapter 15

The twenty-third passed quickly. The store was busy, which helped Noelle not to think. She hurt more than she’d thought possible. Losing Gabriel was even more painful than losing Jeremy had been. But no matter the giant hole in her heart, she knew she’d made the right decision. She was all in and she needed to be with someone who was willing to be the same. Gabriel wasn’t willing to take a leap of faith and she couldn’t be the only one in the relationship who was.

But all the logic in the world didn’t keep her from missing him, she thought as she walked home. Worse, people had stopped by to ask about him, wanting to thank him for his help or wish him a merry Christmas. Noelle hadn’t wanted to go into details, so she’d said he was with his family. An explanation easily accepted in a town like Fool’s Gold.

Now as she turned up her walkway, she told herself she would be fine. It was just a matter of time. She would fall out of love with him eventually. In the meantime, she could take pride in making the right decision, even though it was hard. He’d wanted to do the right thing, even if was for the wrong reason. She appreciated the effort, but it wasn’t enough.

She walked into her tiny house, flipping on lights as she went. The cats raced to greet her. She petted as many as she could reach, then went into the kitchen to start their dinner service. After everyone had been fed, she cleaned up the litter box. She’d barely finished washing her hands when her doorbell rang.

“Did one of you order pizza?” she asked, walking to the door. “I believe we talked about that. Don’t make me have to lock up my credit cards.”

She opened it to find Felicia, Isabel and Patience on her porch. Behind them were several other women she knew, including Jo, from Jo’s Bar. Jo was holding a very large, industrial-looking blender.

“We heard,” Isabel said, walking in and hugging her. “I’m so sorry. Men can be idiots. Are we setting up in the kitchen?”

Women poured into the house. Each of them had brought chips or brownies or wine. In a matter of minutes, kittens had been picked up and were being cuddled, Jo’s blender was whirring and food was being set up in bowls and on plates.

“I don’t understand,” Noelle said. “Not that I don’t appreciate the company.”

“I told them,” Felicia admitted. “About what happened with Gabriel. Not any details, of course. Mostly because I don’t have them. He didn’t say anything before he left.”

Noelle swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. “He l-left?” she asked, her voice cracking. “He left Fool’s Gold?”

The room went still as everyone turned to look at her. She tried to hold it together, but knowing he was gone changed everything. When he hadn’t shown up for his shift, she’d assumed he was assessing. But he wasn’t. She wasn’t going to run into him. He wouldn’t be at the live nativity or the wedding. There would be no more conversations, no more touches or kisses, no chance of him changing his mind. Until that second, she’d been holding out hope so secret, she’d kept it from herself.

“He’s gone,” she whispered, hanging on to the counter to keep from going down on her knees. “He’s really gone.”

Then the tears came. They poured down her cheeks as she held in her sobs. Arms held her tight as her friends offered comfort and understanding. She let them take over, let them guide her to the sofa, let them tell her that eventually she would be all right.

She told herself to listen. To remember that she was strong. She had conquered much more than this already. She’d survived against brutal odds. She would get over her broken heart.

Eventually.

* * *

On Christmas Eve day, Noelle closed the store early. Not only was she fighting the hangover from hell, but she also had a lot to do.

The previous night her friends had been there for her. Unfortunately, they’d invited along Jo’s very strong margaritas. After her emotional storm had passed, there had been drinking and eating and calling Gabriel names. Felicia had talked about her trials with Gideon because the man had been pigheaded. Dakota Andersson had told how she’d had to fly to Alaska to convince Finn they belonged together. Each woman had a story of love found, which Noelle appreciated, but she was less sure of her own happy ending. Gabriel had said from the beginning that he didn’t believe there was a point to love. She’d been foolish not to listen.

Three pots of tea, some crackers and two aspirin later, the worst of her hangover seemed to have improved enough for her to be functional. She walked from the store to her house, aware of the time. She had an appointment and didn’t want to be late.

She let herself inside and greeted her cat family. Then she made sure the evidence of the previous night was all put away.

Right on time, someone knocked on her door. She let in Patience and her very excited daughter. Lillie practically danced in place as she entered the house.

“We’ve already been to the pet store,” Lillie told Noelle. “We have a litter box and the food you’re using and some toys and a bed. We got a book on taking care of a kitten and I’ve read it twice. Mom warned me that she’s going to be sad for a few days, because she’ll miss her family, but then she’ll be okay and I need to be patient.”

Lillie’s expression turned hopeful. “I’ll be eleven soon and I’m very responsible.”

Noelle still felt like her heart had been ripped out, but listening to Lillie reminded her there were so many wonderful moments in her life. Friends who cared and things to look forward to. Like giving Lillie her very first kitten.