Confessions of a Shopaholic

For a moment I’m silent. I don’t want to disturb her in case yoga is like sleepwalking and you’re not meant to wake people when they’re doing it. But then Suze opens her eyes and looks up — and the first thing she says is “Denny and George! Becky, you’re not serious.”

“Yes,” I say, grinning from ear to ear. “I bought myself a scarf.”

“Show me!” says Suze, unwinding herself from the floor. “Show-me-show-me-show-me!” She comes over and starts tugging at the strings of the carrier, like a kid. “I want to see your new scarf! Show me!”

This is why I love sharing a flat with Suze. Julia, my old flatmate, would have wrinkled her brow and said, “Denny and who?” or, “That’s a lot of money for a scarf.” But Suze completely and utterly understands. If anything, she’s worse than me.

But then, she can afford to be. Although she’s twenty-five, like me, her parents still give her pocket money. It’s called an “allowance” and apparently comes from some family trust — but as far as I can see, it’s pocket money. Her parents also bought her a flat in Fulham as a twenty-first birthday present and she’s been living in it ever since, half working and half dossing about.

She was in PR for a (very) short while, and that’s when I met her, on a press trip to an offshore bank on Guernsey. As a matter of fact, she was working for Brandon Communications. Without being rude — she admits it herself — she was the worst PR girl I’ve ever come across. She completely forgot which bank she was supposed to be promoting, and started talking enthusiastically about one of their competitors. The man from the bank looked crosser and crosser, while all the journalists pissed themselves laughing. Suze got in big trouble over that. In fact, that’s when she decided PR wasn’t the career for her. (The other way of putting it is that Luke Brandon gave her the sack as soon as they got back to London. Another reason not to like him.)

But the two of us had a whale of a time sloshing back wine until the early hours. Actually, Suze had a secret little weep at about two a.m. and said she was hopeless at every job she’d tried and what was she going to do? I said I thought she was far too interesting and creative to be one of those snooty Brandon C girls. Which I wasn’t just saying to be nice, it’s completely true. I gave her a big hug and she cried some more, then we both cheered up and ordered another bottle of wine, and tried on all each other’s clothes. I lent Suze my belt with the square silver buckle, which, come to think of it, she’s never given back. And we kept in touch ever since.

Then, when Julia suddenly upped and ran off with the professor supervising her Ph.D. (she was a dark horse, that one), Suze suggested I move in with her. I’m sure the rent she charges is too low, but I’ve never insisted I pay the full market rate, because I couldn’t afford it. As market rates go, I’m nearer Elephant and Castle than Fulham on my salary. How can normal people afford to live in such hideously expensive places?

“Bex, open it up!” Suze is begging. “Let me see!” She’s grabbing inside the bag with eager long fingers, and I pull it away quickly before she rips it. This bag is going on the back of my door along with my other prestige carrier bags, to be used in a casual manner when I need to impress. (Thank God they didn’t print special “Sale” bags. I hate shops that do that. What’s the point of having a posh bag with “Sale” splashed all over it?)

Very slowly, I take the dark green box out of the bag, remove the lid, and unfold the tissue paper. Then, almost reverentially, I lift up the scarf. It’s beautiful. It’s even more beautiful here than it was in the shop. I drape it around my neck and grin stupidly at Suze.

“Oh, Bex,” she murmurs. “It’s gorgeous!”

For a moment we are both silent. It’s as though we’re communing with a higher being. The god of shopping.

Then Suze has to go and ruin it all.

“You can wear it to see James this weekend,” she says.

“I can’t,” I say almost crossly, taking it off again. “I’m not seeing him.”

“How come?”

“I’m not seeing him anymore.” I try to give a nonchalant shrug.

“Really?” Suze’s eyes widen. “Why not? You didn’t tell me!”

“I know.” I look away from her eager gaze. “It’s a bit. . awkward.”

“Did you chuck him? You hadn’t even shagged him!” Suze’s voice is rising in excitement. She’s desperate to know. But am I desperate to tell? For a moment I consider being discreet. Then I think, oh, what the hell?