Crash

“Sounds like you need a fresh start,” he said, dropping his arm now that the only effect of the hysterics was a red, puffy face.

“I’ll take two,” I said, wiping the mascara likely smeared beneath my eyes.

“I know this might seem sudden, but hear me out,” he began, turning in the sand to face me. “The Sadie Hawkins dance is next weekend, and I’ve already told three girls no because I lied and said I was already going with another girl.”

He was right, this was about a hundred miles per hour too fast. “Sawyer,” I warned, about to stand up.

“Wait,” he said, grabbing my knee. “Just hear me out on this before you say anything.”

I sat back down and waited.

“So now I’m in a jam because if I don’t show up, these three poor girls will know I gave them the brush off, and if I show up with some other girl, they’re going to know I lied.”

“Wait,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Who exactly did you tell them you were going with?”

I already knew the answer. “You,” he said, having the decency to look ashamed.

“Sawyer,” I groaned, rocking in the sand. “My life is complicated enough without you making it more so.”

“I know and I’m sorry, but here’s part two of you hearing me out.” He took in a breath and squared his shoulders. “I like you, Lucy. More than I should and a hell of a lot more than you like me. I’ve been biding my time, waiting for you to wake up and smell the Jude heartache, and now that you have, I know at least half a dozen guys are going to be standing in line at your locker tomorrow morning.” He paused, judging me for my reaction, but I still wasn’t sure how to react. “Would you do me a favor and just give me a shot? One shot, and go to Sadie Hawkins with me. I swear I’ll behave like we are nothing more than friends and maybe, if you feel the same way, we could figure this thing out together.”

Every acceptable response escaped me.

“For me, Lucy? Just this one thing, and if you still feel the way you do now, I promise I’ll leave you alone.” For the first time, Sawyer’s bronzy skin didn’t look so golden. He looked pale, and scared, and vulnerable. “I don’t want to live my life with regrets, and I know I would regret it every damn day of my life if we didn’t at least give us a chance.”

My life had officially just become a daytime soap opera.

Because Sawyer was a friend, and had had my back from the very beginning despite me going off on him on numerous occasions, and because I felt indebted to him, I said, “Fine. We’ll go to Sadie’s together.”

The color poured back into his face. “We’ll have a blast, I promise,” he said. “And I can assure you, I don’t have any love children I’m keeping a secret.”

I leveled him with my glare.

“Sorry,” he said, “that was in bad taste.”

“Exceptionally.”

He grabbed my hand, his fingers weaving through mine. “Let’s give this thing a shot, Lucy. Nice and slow and see what happens.”

“Nice. And. Slow,” I reiterated because I knew Sawyer had it all on paper. He was what drove women to cat fight and to drink and to swoon. He had it all: looks, money, personality, but he didn’t have one thing yet. And that was my heart.

“We’ll walk before we run,” he said, squeezing my hand. “We’ll walk before we run.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

Sawyer and I walked right through Sadie Hawkins. Were still walking into November and pushing a twelve minute mile jog by December. By Sawyer’s standards, I was fairly certain he was ready to run, maybe even go the distance, but I wasn’t anywhere close to that.

Sawyer wouldn’t be my first, but I also knew I didn’t want him to be my last, so then, what was the point? I didn’t get into bed with a guy just because we’d reached that stage in our relationship. It had to feel right; I had to be able to see myself with him months or maybe even years down the road.

I might be Sawyer’s girlfriend, but I pictured someone else’s face when he had me pinned against a couch. I saw another face when I looked at him period. Jude skipped a few days of class after our parking lot explosion, then showed up one night at a football game and hadn’t missed a day since.

I saw him every day in the halls and a couple of times around town, but he didn’t see me. He hadn’t spared one look my way since that day, and I never knew that kind of rejection could hurt the way it did. I reminded myself every morning what he’d lied about, what he’d failed to mention, and every night I wound up thinking about the way his eyes would lighten right before he kissed me.

Jude Ryder took up residence in my soul and I couldn’t find a way to evict him.

The song on the radio came to an end, that damn song the DJs overplayed on purpose because someone down at the station knew it made me all nostalgic and longing for Jude when they played it.

“I’ll fix you,” I said, looking down to punch the radio off.

In the space of one detoured glance, a piece of scrap wood bounced off the back of some ramshackle truck, landing in my lane. Without any time to respond, the Mazda smashed over the shard of wood, and almost immediately I felt it.

“Damn it,” I cursed, not able to understand how an arm’s length sliver of wood could bring down a two ton moving piece of metal. Nature was fighting back against industry, one tire at a time.