Crash

In the end, I decided to be civil. “Hey, Holly,” I said, “pull up a chair.”

She’d obviously sought me out, this wasn’t some happenstance meeting, so she had something she needed to say. I wanted to get this out of the way so I could continue to fail at trying to move on with my life.

She sat down, setting her red plastic cup to the side, and rolled up her jeans. “I thought I’d have a tough time getting you alone,” she said, dipping her feet in the water and scooting closer. “I hear you’ve become Southpointe’s ‘it’ girl this year.”

I didn’t want to think about who she’d heard that from.

“If you mean ‘it’ girl in terms of the one who’s had more rumors and half-truths shot at me than an entire club of strippers, than yeah, I guess I did wear that sash this year.” I was sounding a little more defensive than I wanted, but I was having a conversation with the girl who my ex-boyfriend had a love child with. Defensive wasn’t as bad as it could be.

She nodded, staring out into the lake. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to hand that crown over personally. My reign ended last year after I dropped out.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t ready to sympathize with her and I should have been able to emphasize, but I was coming up short in that department.

“Is Jude here?” I asked, immediately wanting to whip myself for asking. If she didn’t already believe I was a desperate loser, that question just certified that presumption.

“Not sure,” she said, taking a drink from her cup.

“Home with the baby?” It was an honest question that came out sounding every kind of bitchy.

“No,” Holly stiffened, her bright blue eyes flashing. “My mom’s babysitting tonight.”

“Holly, I’m sorry,” I said, wishing now I had stayed inside so I wouldn’t be having this conversation from hell. “I’m not trying to be a bitch—”

“It just comes naturally?” she filled in, giving me a fake smile.

“I deserved that.”

“Yep,” she agreed, taking another sip.

We were silent for a while, for so long I wasn’t sure if she was waiting for me to say something or if she was having a tough time getting out what she wanted to say.

So I blurted out something neither of us was expecting. “Is he a good dad?”

She looked as surprised by my question as I was. “I’m sure he will be some day.”

A nasty case of realization whip lash hit me. “Wait,” I said, turning towards Holly. “Did you just say some day, as in not present day?”

She bit her lip, thinking something over. “I don’t know how much of this I should be the one to tell you, but—”

“Tell me everything,” I interrupted, scooting closer. “Because no one else will.”

She looked at me under her lashes. “That might be because you drew your own conclusions before asking questions.”

I’d held the same breath now for a solid minute.

“Are you ready to ask questions now?” she said, leaning back on her hand. “The right questions?”

I nodded.

“Ask away,” she said.

Did I want to go down this road? Did I want to have assumptions confirmed or denied at this stage in the game? When a face eclipsed my thoughts, one with a long scar and silvery gray eyes, I had my answer. “Is Jude your baby’s dad?” Might as well get the first one out of the way.

“No.”

Oh my god. The guilt was as sudden as the relief. “Do you and Jude have some sort of relationship together?”

“Yeah,” she answered, taking a sip. “He’s been my best friend since we were in first grade.”

Again, I wanted to slap myself across the face at the same time I wanted to jump and holler for joy. “And that night I followed him to your place,” I said slowly, trying to process everything. “He brought diapers and formula and you guys hugged and you said you had big plans for him and you hugged.” I was reliving the scene, but seeing it with different eyes. Eyes that were less likely to draw conclusions without asking questions.

“And I thought Jude had trust issues,” she muttered, looking at me like she kind of wanted to wring my neck. “I called him earlier that day because I was out of money and the baby was going to be out of food and diapers in about twelve hours if I was lucky. Jude’s been a support from the very beginning since little Jude’s real father wants nothing to do with him.”

I swallowed, remembering the things I’d thought and the things I’d said to him that morning after. I understood why he ignored me the way he did now.

“We hugged because, come on, we’ve been best friends our whole lives.” Holly was counting things off on her fingers, looking at me like this was a childish game. “The plans I had for him that night including fixing up a crib I’d found at a yard sale that day, and yes, he did stay the night,” she said, arching a brow. “On the couch, in case your jump-to-conclusions little mind’s already going there.”

I let everything Holly’d just said sink in. “Why didn’t he tell me about you?” I whispered. “Why didn’t he deny everything when I approached him the next morning?”

She dipped her toes in the water, skating them across the calm surface. “Because I asked him not to tell anyone about little Jude. He knows who the father is and the piece of shit father knows who he is, but I didn’t want anyone else to know the real reason I dropped out of school. The rumor spreaders at Southpointe would have had a field day with that juicy tidbit,” she said, smirking at the night. “And only Jude can speak for why he didn’t tell you the truth about us that morning. Maybe because you wouldn’t have believed it even if he did tell you.”