On the walk back to my chambers, I stopped at the portrait gallery to see Zadie. She smiled down at me, the sister I’d known before the choosing ceremony, when everything changed. The idea that she wasn’t happy now, after everything we’d been through, opened a pit somewhere behind my rib cage. This was the first time since coming to Ilara that my despair threatened to overwhelm me. As frightened as I’d been when I came to New Castle, as much as Ceren repulsed me and the cold and darkness gnawed at my very soul, I’d had a purpose. Saving my people, and Zadie most of all, made my sacrifice worth it. But knowing that Governor Kristos had sent me here, even after Talin’s warning... It was almost impossible to believe anyone could stop Ceren.

“I miss you,” I whispered to Zadie. “Every minute of every day. I wish they’d chosen Alys, and that you and I were still together now. You could have married Sami, and I would have found someone willing to put up with me, and we would have raised our children together. Boys, maybe, so they never had to worry about their beauty.”

No, I heard her say. I wanted daughters. Twins, like us. Only I would have raised them both to be as beautiful as you, dear sister, in the ways that matter.

My vision of her was so strong that I could have sworn I felt her hand on my cheek. Don’t cry, Nor. We will be together again. In this life or the next.

And then she was gone, and I was left alone in a hall full of ghosts.

      30

A seamstress came to visit the following day. Apparently Ceren thought I should be fitted for my wedding gown as soon as possible. The seamstress was short and rosy-cheeked, with black hair in a simple braid down her back. From the villages, probably, since she didn’t appear to be of noble blood, and she had too much color in her skin to live in the castle all the time.

“Milady,” she said, curtsying. “It’s an honor to be fitting you in person. I hope you’ve been happy with my work.”

I smiled with genuine gratitude. “All of my dresses are beautiful. Thank you.” Ebb helped me remove the gown I was wearing, and I stepped gingerly into the white dress. The satin on the bodice was so old it was beginning to yellow, and it was delicate as a moth’s wings.

“This was Queen Serena’s wedding gown, milady,” the seamstress explained. “We can replace the bits that are discolored, if you like.”

I recognized the dress from the portrait in Ceren’s chambers. It was cut low at the neck, and the hand-sewn lace trimming wasn’t quite long enough to cover my chest.

“You’re a bit more shapely than the late queen, milady,” the seamstress said. “I’ll add more lace here.”

The bodice was tight but manageable, with glass beads and more lace covering the white satin. There were no sleeves, just little chiffon drapes across the shoulders, and the skirt was a frothy mix of lace, tulle, and chiffon, like sea foam, all covered with more of the delicate glass beadwork. It was a beautiful dress, but considering the occasion, mourning colors would have been more appropriate.

“I’ll let out the hips just a bit,” the seamstress said, “and then I think we should be all set. I’m having some white lace gloves made up as well, if that pleases milady.”

I nodded and thanked her. “I’m sure it will all be lovely,” I added.

She smiled and curtsied again before bustling out with the dress form. Ebb helped me change back into my other gown for dinner. Only a few of the most prominent lords and ladies were in attendance tonight, as well as Talin, who was staying at New Castle while the king was ill, in case he should take a turn for the worse. But he had not come to see me since our return, and if there really was a reason for me to remain hopeful, I couldn’t imagine it.

“How was the fitting today?” Ceren asked as he sipped his wine.

“It went well. Your mother’s dress is even more beautiful in reality than in her portrait.” He reached for my hand, and I let him take it. I was tired of fighting. Not quite resigned, but tired.

“I know you’re not yet eighteen, and Father is holding on better than we’d dare to hope. But we’ll need to move forward with the wedding either way. You understand, of course.”

I nodded. Marrying me wouldn’t do him any good if Talin seized the crown, but knowing Ceren, he had a plan for that outcome, too.

“I imagine Varenian weddings are quite different from Ilarean ones,” he said as he sawed at the slab of liver on his plate with a knife. “There will be a brief ceremony in the great hall, and once we’re wed, we’ll leave the mountain and go through the nearby villages in a carriage. The people will be out in droves to see their new princess. Or queen, as it may be.” He smiled, but there was something about the way he spoke that unnerved me. “Afterward we’ll have a feast here at the castle, and then it will be our wedding night, of course. I don’t think I need to go into further detail about that—do I, my lady?”

I didn’t blush or cringe, as he’d no doubt hoped I would. “No.”

“Here, let me cut your meat for you.” He came to stand behind me the way he had when he’d presented the bat pie. “I’m finding it especially tough this evening.”

Something was definitely not right. I glanced at Talin out of the corner of my eye, but he looked as confused as I was. Then I heard the knife screech against the plate and felt a searing pain in my arm. I looked down to see a deep cut, already welling with blood.

I was too shocked to speak, but Talin was on his feet immediately.

“What have you done?” he asked Ceren as he clamped a napkin down on my forearm. “You clumsy—”

“Calm down,” Ceren said coolly. “You’re in the presence of ladies. The knife slipped. I’ll take Zadie to have her arm bandaged.”

“You’re not taking her anywhere,” Talin said, helping me to my feet.

Ceren stepped in front of me, his gray eyes flashing with anger. “Keep your hands off my wife.”

“She’s not your wife yet.” I’d never heard Talin so cold.

Ceren lowered his voice to a growl. “Stand back, or I’ll have you put in the dungeon.”

“Talin,” I said quietly. “I’m fine.”

Ceren glanced between the two of us, and whatever he saw there only angered him further. He pushed me roughly toward the doors. I could feel the eyes of every lord and lady on us as he marched me out of the dining hall, one hand placed firmly on my back, the other still gripping the knife. He didn’t stop until we’d made it to his study, where he shoved me over the threshold and locked the door behind us.

“Show me your arm,” he said before I’d even turned around. He ripped the bloody napkin off my skin. The wound was deep and hadn’t fully healed yet, but the bleeding had stopped.

He grabbed my wrist and brought my arm closer to his face. I’d forgotten about his poor vision. “So the bastards weren’t lying,” he said. “I wondered how you managed to heal so quickly when Salandrin bit you. Does your arm hurt?”

I pulled my arm out of his grasp. “Not anymore. Who told you?”

“My fool guards. They couldn’t save you from the woman king’s men, apparently, but they did manage to catch this. How is this possible?” His eyes were wide and wild, and somehow the excitement on his face was more terrifying than his usually stony demeanor.

My blood pulsed loudly in my ears. I had hoped to hide this truth from Ceren, at least. Now I’d made things even worse. “I don’t know. There was an...accident. When I was a child. Ever since then, I’ve been able to heal quickly.”

“What kind of accident?”

I hesitated, and Ceren stepped forward with the knife. “Don’t disgrace us both with lies, my lady.”

I bit my lip, wondering how vague I could be. “It was a cut.”

“From?”

I had no hope of getting out of this with both my secret and my life, but I had to try. “A coral,” I said.

“Not a normal coral, surely.” Ceren cocked his head, considering. “I’ve heard that the pearls get their healing properties from the blood coral.”

I tried to keep my face impassive, but he already knew he’d hit the right line of questioning.

“How bad of an injury can you sustain and still fully heal?”

My blood went cold, and I took a step backward, in case he was hoping to find out. “I don’t know.”

“Miraculous,” he repeated, still staring at my arm. “I wonder if it’s possible the coral entered your bloodstream. And now, whatever is in the coral that makes the Varenians so healthy and the pearls so potent...is inside you.”

That had been the doctor’s theory, though how I’d survived the poison in the first place remained a mystery. I crossed my arms behind my back, hating the way he looked at my skin, like it was one of his inventions.

He reached for a small silver knife and a dish. “I’ll need to collect some of your blood to test my theory.”

I darted for the door, but Ceren held the keys up in front of him. “You’ll leave this room when I say you can.”

I wanted to be brave, but my voice cracked as I leaned forward, hoping to reach the coral knife hidden beneath my skirts. “I’m begging you not to do this, Ceren.”

He strode forward with his silver knife, and though the mountain may have weakened him, I knew in my heart that he was still much stronger than me. “Hold still, my lady,” he crooned, taking me by the throat. “This is going to hurt.”

* * *

Ceren filled five bowls with my blood that night. I gave up screaming after the first three gashes. By the time he was finished, I was too weak to struggle any longer.