Deep Dark Secret

Removing my hands from my pockets, I closed the distance between us and touched both of his forearms, giving him a gentle squeeze.



“The only reason you talked to me in the first place was because of the pack. If you hadn’t recognized me as your mate, you never would have included me in all this anyway. I have to respect that your people will always be the most important thing to you.” The words of a pack protector and wolf queen, and they were coming out of my own mouth without being forced. Bizarre.



He leaned forward without uncrossing his arms and kissed my forehead. I was thankful he didn’t try for more. It had been a long, long night, and I wasn’t ready to be pulled into an embrace quite yet.



“I’ve invited Callum’s delegates to attend the opening of a new business school I donated to Columbia University.” The moment he said the name of the school my skin got cold, and an uneasy feeling started to bubble up in my tummy. Why was that name everywhere, lately? “I’d like you to come with me.”



“Okay.”



“It’s important to me that you be there, so they see you stand with me in all of my decisions, and I… Wait, did you already say yes?”



I patted his cheek, his skin harder than usual due to the coldness in the air. It felt like touching a wax version of Lucas. “You asked, I said yes.”



“No fight? No questions asked? No snarky comments?”



“Come on. Give me a little credit, please.”



He arched a brow at me and repeated, “No snarky comments?”



I sighed. “Fine.” Then, with my voice a few octaves higher, in a spot-on impersonation of my vampire ward Brigit, I added, “Did you, like, want me to wear a leash? Or will the diamond-studded collar that says Queen Bitch be enough?”



There was a long silence, then Lucas roared with laughter. He dipped down and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and rested his head against mine. “How did I end up with you, Secret?”



“Fate. She’s a tricky mistress.”



Someone cleared their throat, and we noticed Dominick’s arrival for the first time.



“Pardon the interruption,” he said dryly, “but it’s cold as shit out here. Can we go?”



I ducked out of Lucas’s reach and jogged to the passenger side of the car. “Thanks,” I said to Lucas as an afterthought.



“For what?” Befuddlement clouded his expression.



“For making an effort not to be a royal ass.”



“Hey.” He shrugged and gave me the coy half-smile he had the night I’d first laid eyes on him. “I’m a work in progress.”



The moment we pulled away from the corner, worry began to gnaw at me. I still hadn’t figured out what had happened to the hour I’d lost at Columbia, and I needed a sounding board to brainstorm the possible explanations with.



“Dom, what do you know about magic?”



The blond werewolf grunted noncommittally and kept his eyes on the road. “I dunno. Witches do spells. Fae have natural magic. Why?”



“Do you know of any spells that cause memory lapses?”



“No, but shouldn’t you be asking your grandmother this?”



Smartass. Of course I should be asking Grandmere, but I couldn’t do that at four in the morning. She might be a witch, but she was also officially a senior citizen. Dominick had obviously never had to deal with a cranky, sleep-deprived witch when she’d been awakened from a peaceful slumber.



“Just asking.” I fiddled with the car’s heater, lowering the temperature slightly since neither of us needed the heat to be full blast.



“Penny keeps asking about you,” Dominick said, breaking the silence first.



“Oh?”



“Yeah, apparently a sword-wielding, leather-clad, and I quote ‘Taylor-Swift-like‘ girlfriend of Desmond’s makes quite the impression on a twelve-year-old.”



It felt good to laugh. Desmond and Dominick’s younger sister, Penny, had been abducted over the Christmas holidays, and after I’d saved her, the Alvarez family had been pretty fond of me. Who knew the easiest way to win over your boyfriend’s family was to save its youngest member from having her brain chewed on by monsters? Penny also had an unnatural obsession with my blonde curls.



“I should call your mom. She keeps asking me to come for supper.”



“Forget supper, I think Penny wants to take you for show and tell.”



A few more blocks and I felt almost normal again. We fell into another companionable silence, and it was nice to be with someone who didn’t want or need anything from me. My time alone with Dominick always seemed like a gift, because he made me feel as close to human as I ever had. I wasn’t defined by my status as an assassin, a mate, a princess or a Tribunal leader. Nor did I have to present a false version of myself like I did whenever I was with Mercedes. With Dominick I was just a friend.



“Can I ask you something?”



“You just did,” he replied.



Ignoring his cheekiness, I continued, “Do you ever feel like you got the short end of the stick, somehow? In the pack, I mean?”



“How so?”



“Well, your father was Jeremiah Rain’s lieutenant, right?”



“Yeah.”



“And now Desmond is Lucas’s.”



“Uh-huh.”



“And you grew up with Lucas, and he’s now your king.”



“He was always going to be my king.”



I’d never thought about it that way. “So it doesn’t bother you that Desmond is in a higher position than you?”



“No. But that’s not really what you’re asking, is it? You want to know if it bugs me that you are in a higher position than me.”



Though it hadn’t been the reason I’d asked initially, I had to admit he was right. I did want to know how the rest of the pack felt about me being so high up in the hierarchy, even though I’d never shifted with them and might never be able to do so.



“Does it?”



He answered without hesitation. “No, it doesn’t. You’re in the position you earned.”



“Morgan doesn’t seem to think so.”



“Morgan is a bit—” He caught himself and stopped. To call a female werewolf a bitch was a huge deal within the pack. Me calling myself one earlier to Lucas wouldn’t be such a big deal because he knew I had a warped sense of humor and a filthy sailor’s mouth. If, on the other hand, Morgan had called me a bitch, it would be a much graver scenario.



“Don’t hold back on my account.”



“She’s loyal and smart,” he parroted Lucas’s earlier words.



“She’s ambitious and cold,” I added.



“And she wants your job,” he finished.



“Yeah, I figured. Is it a common thread among the pack?”



He shook his head. “No, Morgan is defying the advice of a lot of other pack members whenever she butts heads with you. For the most part the pack respects you. You did a really brave thing when you killed Marcus Sullivan, and we haven’t forgotten about it.”



“Doesn’t it bother them that I’m never around for the full moon ceremonies?”



“Sure, but…we can’t really explain the reasons to them.”



No, that was for damned sure. A pack of werewolves wasn’t going to love knowing their leader’s mate was half-undead. Surprise!



“I’m worried I’m not ever going to belong in the pack,” I confessed. “I worry Lucas is pinning all of his hopes on me, and I’m going to screw everything up so badly it can’t be fixed.”



When he didn’t reply, I cast a sideways glance at him. We were stopped at a red light, and he had turned fully in his seat to look at me. “Did you tell him what you just told me?”



“No.”



“Did you tell Desmond?”



“No, I’ve never said that to anyone before.”



Dominick stared at the red light for a moment before he shifted his attention back to me.



“I get it, you know? The not-belonging thing.”



I snorted. “Right. You come from one of the oldest, most well-respected werewolf families in New York. You were raised in this culture, and you’re inside the king’s inner circle.”



“That last one applies to you too,” he reminded me. “Does it make you feel any better?”



“No, not really.”



“The only reason I do belong is because of my family legacy. Part of what it means to be a good pack member is to help carry on the gene pool. Marry another werewolf, make lots of babies, and then hope those babies decide to be Awakened and continue the cycle.”



Make babies. My vision blurred, and I swallowed a lump.



Dominick continued, unaware of my new discomfort. “Do you know what happens when you can’t oblige the pack in carrying on the lines?”



I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know where this was going, but I hoped he got to the point soon so we could change the topic.



“You’re shunned. Not anything as serious as an exile, that’s saved for those who actively seek to do harm to the pack. No, being shunned means you’re still a member of the pack, but no longer a part of it.”



That sounded all too familiar to me.



“How does that apply to you?”



The town car pulled to a stop in front of my apartment block, and Dominick put it into park. He propped one arm behind my headrest and leaned against his door.



“It’s only a matter of time before the pack realizes I’m not with someone. When I get into my thirties and I’m not married, and I haven’t spawned any new Alvarez babies, they’re going to start asking questions.”



“Oh, Dom, there’s still plenty of time for you to get married. I don’t see how—”



“Even if I do get married, Secret, it just means they’ll figure it out sooner.”



“I don’t understand.”



“You’re worried you won’t be accepted into the pack because you’re part vampire, right?”