Deep Kiss of Winter

I've been such a fool. What the f**k was fifty years if they were together? She's my life now.

Clarity. His brother Nikolai had told him that love would feel different from anything he'd ever known. Murdoch concluded he was right.

I'm in love with her.

He pushed away the bottle. Go to her...apologize. He'd left her crying. He'd been such an ass, like the old selfish Murdoch who'd boasted about women being as expendable as liquor.

With that thought, the truth sank in. I'm not worth her tears.

But he could be.

He stood unsteadily, donning his coat and the obligatory gloves, then traced to the lodge. When he didn't find her inside, he started out into the still-raging blizzard, following her fading tracks.

Finally, he caught sight of movement among the thick drifts. Just as he was about to trace to her, he spotted something that defied belief. He stared in drunken shock, squinting through the flurries.

There was another male, one who looked to be of her kind, with Nordic coloring and pointed ears. He was easily as tall as Murdoch.

And Daniela was up on her toes... kissing him.

Can't be real. I'm drunk. Can't see through the blizzard. Somehow she was withstanding the male's touch, receiving his kiss. The bastard grasped her bare upper arms - with his ungloved hands. Murdoch gnashed his teeth. Skin to skin.

A jealous rage ripped through him. All the frustration he'd grappled with for months roared to life. His fangs went sharp with aggression, his heart pumping with wrath. Just when he realized he loved her, she would betray him?

The words from his dreams echoed in his mind: How badly do you want her? What would you sacrifice?

Anything, he'd do anything...

Didn't she know that she belonged to him? After tonight, she will.

* * *

This is nice, Danii thought. But it's not as I imagined it.

There was no loss of control or breathless wonder. No weakening of her knees. No lust.

Because it wasn't Murdoch.

Just as she began to pull back from Jadian, her ears twitched. Something was wrong -

Jadian went flying away from her into a tree. She blinked, struggling to get her bearings. Murdoch? He's back!

And he was seething, staring at Jadian with deadly intent, his eyes flooding black.

"No, Murdoch!" she cried. "This is Lord Jadian. He's come to offer me my crown! He's killed Sigmund. Murdoch, are you hearing me?"

Nothing.

"Are you drunk?"

Finally he spoke. To Jadian. "You dare touch my woman?" He launched himself at the Iceren, who eagerly met him. They clashed in the snow and howling winds, throwing punches.

Jadian was fast, skilled, and in his element, but against Murdoch's tracing and palpable fury he was no match. Until Jadian raised ice in his palm...

Oh, gods, Murdoch. "Stop! Both of you, stop fighting now!"

Jadian immediately dropped his hands. Following the order? He gritted his teeth just before Murdoch roared and swung his fist, connecting with Jadian's temple like an anvil hit. Jadian staggered.

She rushed between them. "Jadian! Are you all right?" Never taking his eyes from Murdoch, he nodded. "Stay here, please." To Murdoch, she said, "Vampire, come inside with me. Now!"

She couldn't believe she was talking like this to the drunk, infuriated vampire who'd just caught his Bride kissing a strange male. Yet when she strode toward the lodge, Murdoch did follow her, though he seemed to be getting more and more enraged with each step.

Once they were inside, she said, "This is not as bad as it looked."

"He kissed you," Murdoch grated, his eyes wild. "He took what doesn't belong to him."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your first kiss - it was mine to give you one day. But you let him."

"I just wanted to see what it'd be like," she said, repeating his words from all those months ago. "It's trivial, especially compared to what has happened tonight. Jadian has come to take me back to Icergard, to my people. They want to offer me my throne."

"And Jadian" - he sneered the name - "had to kiss you to extend the f**king invitation?"

"You have a lot of nerve to blame me for kissing another, since you did it to me."

"Before we'd become committed."

"Committed?" she cried. "You don't even know the meaning of the word! You leave me here, avoiding me, and when you do return, you're distant and preoccupied."

"You let him touch you!"

"I did, and it was nice. More than nice!" she added the lie. "But maybe you're too drunk to notice that I was pulling away from him -  because of you. I chose you, over a male I can touch! And now I see that I chose poorly. Luckily, I can rectify the situation." She held up her crown, clenched in her fist. "I'm going to Icergard with him."

Something in Murdoch seemed to snap. "No, Daniela, you're not." He stalked closer to her. "You're going to stay with me - because you are mine." Finally he was behaving like the domineering vampire. "My woman to possess, to kiss, to drink." As he stared down at her, his irises were black as night and just as fathomless.

Wait...to drink? "No, no. Don't, Murdoch!" But she was caught, mesmerized by the desire in his eyes. "Ah, gods..." When his gaze dropped to her neck, she knew he was going to do it.

So why am I not fighting him?

His gloved hands clamped her shoulders, squeezing them as he held her in place. His parted lips covered her neck, seeking...

Just as she cried out, he groaned and bit down. She flailed, but he held her tight. Pain seared her skin, his fangs like two brands shoved into her neck, his tongue like a flame.

CHAPTER 35

Murdoch fell upon her, pressing her into the wall as he sank his fangs deeper into the sweet flesh of her neck. The cold pained him, so badly he nearly released her, but soon blood wet his mouth. The taste... He growled against her, the pleasure was so intense.

Finally, she's in my arms. At last, I can hold her, taste her.

Couldn't believe he was doing this, needed to pull away. I'm taking too much.

He could feel her cries against him. When she screamed, he somehow released her, stumbling back. "Oh, God, Daniela!" He stared in horror at her ravaged neck, her tender skin burned.

As she backed away from him, her silver eyes welled with tears. "How could you, Murdoch?" Her pupils were huge with shock. "You vowed to me."

Between heaving breaths, he rasped, "Daniela, I don't know what happened."

"You lost control. And you'll do it again."

He wanted to deny it. Christ help me, I can't. His expression must have betrayed his thoughts.

Her tears spilled, her face paler from blood loss. "Now you're the second man who's touched me against my will." Her words were growing weaker, indistinct.

He grated in confusion, "The second?"

"I'm leaving, and I never want to see your face again as long as I live."

Jadian rushed into the lodge then, his watchful gaze taking in the scene. "You bit her?" He looked at Murdoch like he was scum, like he was a monster. "I will slaughter you for harming my queen."

"N-no," Daniela said through her tears, tugging on his arm. "I just want to go."

Go, with that male, away from Murdoch. Forever. "Don't you leave me!" he bellowed.

In answer, she put the back of her hand against her mouth and sobbed. Unsteady, crying freely, Daniela turned to the door without a glance back. When Murdoch charged after her, Jadian stood in his way. Murdoch tensed, about to attack him once more -

Daniela's legs gave way, her body crumpling. In a flash, Jadian swung around and caught her up against him. "Queen Daniela?" Then his eyes narrowed. "Blood loss."

"Give her to me," Murdoch grated with outstretched hands, "or I'll kill you so slowly."

"So you can drain more of her?" Jadian shifted Daniela into one arm; with his other, he hurled a handful of ice at Murdoch.

The hit connected with his chest like a freight train, sending Murdoch crashing into a wall. His skin began to freeze, trapping him in place.

He thrashed to break free, but the ice was too strong. "Don't you dare take her! She can't see that this is a trick - "

With Daniela still in his arms, Jadian loomed over Murdoch. "There is no trick. I've eliminated any threat against her. Her sister even told me how to find her, because she wants Daniela to be with her own kind."

"Then where the f**k were you for the last two thousand years?"

Jadian didn't answer the question, just said, "I will leave you alive, but only because that was her will."

"Give her time to wake, so I can talk to her - "

"You believe you can convince her to stay with you? You attacked her. Look at her neck. Remember this sight. This is what you are to her - pain."

"No... no..."

"I'm taking her to where she can be content, vampire. Where she will be safe."

"Like her mother?"

"Her mother didn't have me to protect her." With a wave of the male's hand, the ice began to build up over Murdoch's torso, crushing him. Higher and higher, climbing up over his chin.

Powerless to do more than watch them leave, Murdoch had time for a last breath - and used it to bellow her name. But they were already gone.

Ice swallowed him, cutting off his air. Soon blackness followed. And in that time, he dreamed Daniela's memories, taken from her blood.

Unable to wake, his clenched fists frozen, Murdoch watched as a Roman senator took her from a cage so he could run his fingertips over her delicate skin, fascinated by how it burned.

Murdoch felt her pain, her revulsion.

How long she'd been trapped in that hell, he couldn't determine. But he experienced her relief when Myst - the female Murdoch had hated for so long - and two other sisters had come for her. Myst had saved her life and murdered the Roman.

Why had Daniela never told Murdoch about any of this? About being a captive? Rage consumed him for the long-dead Roman who'd tortured her.

And yet Murdoch had hurt her just as badly, if not worse. After all, she'd trusted him.

Daniela thinks of me as she does that monster.

And she should. The look in her eyes when I released her neck...

When the ice had melted enough to be broken and he regained consciousness, his driving need to go after her was extinguished.

Who the hell was he to take her away from her fate? From her own kind?

Her whole life had been made better, fixed. Part of him still wanted to believe that she'd been tricked, that she would need him to save her... but the disgust shown by Jadian had been real. And he could easily have killed Murdoch.

As much as it enraged him to recall how Jadian had kissed Daniela, Murdoch knew they looked right together.

She's gone.

For hours, he mindlessly roamed the too-quiet lodge, cursing bitterly, ignoring his brothers' calls. Even as Daniela's blood still thrummed in his veins, his chest felt empty, aching for her.

I've lost her. The look in her eyes...

Murdoch punched the wall. The pain briefly diverted his attention from the hollowness in his chest.

So this is love.

He'd lost the one woman he'd ever loved. No, not lost. He'd driven her away with his selfishness and neglect. With his broken vows and attack.

Now that he could think about the night with a clearer head, he remembered that she had been pulling away from Jadian. Because of me.

Murdoch had never understood Conrad's madness. Now he did. There were some things the mind was not made to handle, differing in each person.

I'm not made to live without Daniela.

The phone rang yet again. There'd been talk of an upcoming battle. Maybe that was exactly what Murdoch needed. To fight. To be a vampire. To kill and destroy and not think about how Daniela would be happier away from him.

He answered the phone.

"We go to war," Nikolai said.

Perfect.

CHAPTER 36

So this is Icergard, Danii thought as Jadian gave her the grand tour of the castle the next day. I'm definitely getting a Fortress of Solitude vibe.

When she'd awakened, sharp-eared Icere maids had smiled shyly as they laid out a gown of the softest silk Danii had ever imagined, along with Svana's crown.

A fire had burned in a hearth of ice - a blue fire that emanated cold.

Which was just cool.

Last night, it had been late here when Jadian had sneaked her into her new royal chambers. He'd thought it "politically unwise" for the Icere to see their new queen's face wet from tears, her body lifeless, with her neck bearing the unmistakable mark of a vampire.

"As in most factions of the Lore, vampires are feared and hated here," he'd explained.

Without wonder. She still couldn't believe that Murdoch had bitten her. "What did you do to him?" she'd asked.

"I left him in ice. I would have killed him, but you ordered me not to fight."

"And you follow my orders?"

"You're my queen," he'd said simply. "One who'll be crowned in three days, if that's acceptable to you."

"It is. But what are the Icere going to think of me?"

"They're going to love you as they did your mother... "

Now, as he showed her around, she tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but her mind was troubled over the events of the night. Murdoch's bite had been the worst pain she'd ever experienced, and yet she'd felt some kind of connection to him.

He'd taken her blood, lots of it. Would he dream her memories? At the idea, embarrassment suffused her. Would he know how lonely she'd been?