Defy

“Whatever.” Jaime’s jaw ticked. The atmosphere in the room changed. No words were spoken, but plans were being made, right in front of my eyes.

Toby Rowland was in so much trouble, it physically hurt me to think what they’d do to him once they got him alone.

“Whatever sounds right,” Vicious echoed, his voice flat. “Thanks a fucking ton for detention, Ms. G. Hope you know what you’re doing.” He shook his head with a sadistic smile. A threat.

“Vicious,” Jaime gnashed. A warning.

Vicious strode to his chair and flopped down, waving his hand. “She’s lucky you have a soft spot for her. Otherwise I’d have reduced her to ashes at Liberty Park.”

A hard spot, baby, I thought as I made my way back to my desk. And you have no idea.

THAT DAY CHANGED EVERYTHING, BECAUSE that day Jaime and I started texting. It made it so much easier to plan things. More hot dates at my partially-packed apartment. More fucking in insane positions. More stealing kisses at school, getting off on the thrill of being caught.

At the end of the week, Jaime sent me a picture of himself flexing his guns in front of the mirror in their locker room. I almost didn’t open the text message, fearing I’d see something horrific like someone else’s junk, but then I remembered it was Jaime I was talking about. He was oddly responsible for someone his age and with his status. Out of the four of them, he was the quietest. The one with the working moral compass. If Vicious was the evil one, and Dean was the stoner one, and Trent was the lost, beautiful soul searching for its mate, Jaime was the cement that glued them together. He was the guy you could always count on. And I was starting to count on him too.

Jaime:

It’s scientifically proven. You’re riding the best stud in town. These guns could kill.

Me:

Jaime, you’re an eighteen-year-old. Perspective, please.

Jaime:

This from someone who goes to sleep with my dick clutched in her hand. Pizza tonight?

Me:

That happened once. By accident.

Me:

And yes. But no onions.

I leaned back against a box filled with books and giggled, hugging my cell phone like an idiot. A disaster, I thought to myself. What the fuck are you doing? Dating him now?

Jaime:

No onion? No condom then. I’m clean. Your on the pill.

Me:

YOU’RE. YOU-apostrophe-RE.

Me:

And deal.

Jaime:

Nice doing business with you. x

Dear God, I needed to stop this. Stop this before I was going to get hurt. Already, the way my heart squeezed every time I noticed him for the first time in class felt a little too hard. The pleasure of sleeping with him freckled with a dash of pain. He still filled me. Filled me with joy and laughter and amazing sex. But now he was sucking from me, too.

Emotions, thoughts, logic.

That evening, Jaime got to my apartment and tackled me to the sofa, peppering my whole face with kisses. I laughed, throwing my fists at his sculpted abs. We rolled around, half making out, half fighting and laughing, before we both stopped to take a breath, examining each other’s faces for the first time since he walked in. He was atop of me, his eyes roaming my face, searching for answers to questions we were both too scared to ask aloud.

“How did you know I’m on the pill?” The silence rang so loud, I felt the urge to break it.

“Saw them on your bathroom counter. Duh.”

“Well, let’s get nekkid and do some dirty stuff then. I know it’s Friday, and you probably want to hang out with your friends later.” I grabbed the hem of my shirt and started getting undressed.

He stopped me, his palm on my hand. “Take it easy, missy. No rush. Let’s watch a crappy nineties movie together while we wait for the pizza. I’m going to sleep here tonight.”

I frowned. Vicious threw balls-out parties every weekend, and the HotHoles were always in full attendance. It was mandatory or some shit. I happened to know this because at All Saints getting invited to these things meant that you were one of the cool kids. I also happened to know there was a party tonight because yesterday the hallways were filled with hushed convos about which guys were going to be challenged to a fight in Defy and which girls were going to get inside Vicious’s private media room where the HotHoles hung out.

“What about Vicious’s party?” I asked. The last few weeks, the mere idea of having Jaime sitting there in the secluded room with young, willing women offering themselves to him made me lose my mind. I hated those parties, and despised Vicious even more for throwing them.

“I’m planning an even bigger party between your legs tonight.” He wiggled his brows at me.

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “I think I like you,” I muttered, pressing my face to his muscled torso in a hug. I felt his heartbeat under my ear.

“I think I like you back.”

My heart nearly exploded, and I found myself clutching the anchor on my necklace for dear life, knowing that this time, it couldn’t save me from falling deeper into whatever the hell that was we were creating.

Actually, I knew exactly what it was.

Magic.

It’s been psychologically proven. People lie to themselves in order to protect themselves from the things they do. From what they think and feel. I was in denial when it came to Jaime Followhill. In my head, I downplayed the whole thing. Reduced it to nothing but some fun. But the truth was, I was never so intrigued by a man.

Defy.

That’s what I wondered about most. Why did he fight? He didn’t look like the type who needed a violent outlet to unwind. Vicious, sure. But Jaime? No. He seemed like a laid-back guy.

So after the movie and pizza (no onions. He remembered), I asked him.

I prepped him beforehand. Knew that Jaime was not going to open up about things that had to do with his friends so easily. I got down on my knees and took him—all of him—deep in my mouth, covering most of his shaft, my fist doing the rest. He groaned and yanked my head back and forth, my hair in his fist.

“I’m going to come in your mouth,” he announced. He stood, one foot lazily propped back against my fridge, in all his naked six foot three inch glory.

I moaned into his hot flesh, lolling my head from side to side. I liked it. To feel admired and desired by a younger man. He was driving me crazy…but I was driving him wild.

My moan encouraged him, and he emptied himself inside my mouth. The warm, salty liquid shot straight into my throat, and I swallowed it instantly, desperate for every drop of him.

After his release, he glided down the front of my fridge, sinking into a sit-down position, his knees bent, as he slowly let go of my hair. We both grinned, the kind of private smile only we knew how to decode. I doubted I could give that smile to someone else, even if I’d tried.

“What’s up?” He grabbed my hand, offhand and confident, and jerked me to sit between his legs. I did, purring into his mouth as we shared a slow, seductive kiss. “Look at my Little Ballerina, learning how to give head like it’s the eighties.”

“What happened in the eighties?” I asked, feeling ridiculously stupid. You’d think I know more about the decade than he did. He shrugged.

“Nothing. People liked giving head, I guess.”

I shook my head on a laugh. He was so ridiculous sometimes, but that’s exactly what made it so easy to unwind with this guy. I flattened my palm against his chest. “I need to ask you something.”

“Uh-oh. Am I in trouble, Ms. Greene? Have I been a bad boy? Do I need a spanking?” He wiggled his brows and laughed.

God, he was sexy. And God, it was creepy.

I shook my head, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t see his reaction to my blush. “Tell me about Defy,” I said.

None of the teachers knew much about Defy, other than the injuries we spotted on Monday mornings. Students got into bloody fights at Vicious’s parties, and there was nothing we could do about it.

Jaime frowned. “What do you want to know?”

“I want to know everything.” I cleared my throat. “Where, why, how, and most of all…why are you doing it?”

His eyes darkened, and he pulled his blond hair into a high bun. I watched him silently, swallowing hard while he examined me under his lashes. I was stepping deeper into a territory that wasn’t mine. We both were. This was intimate and secretive, two lines we promised we wouldn’t cross outside the bedroom.

Are we breaking the rules?

It occurred to me that I was the first one to step over the line that I was so quick to paint in our relationship. But it also occurred to me that there wasn’t one line. It was more like an abstract painting full of lines, circles and triangles. It was a mess, and trying to maneuver your moves in this thing between us was hopeless.

“This doesn’t leave this room,” Jaime warned, dipping his chin down, his nose touching mine.

“Of course,” I said as if this was obvious. We were still on the floor, my legs knotted with his. I wanted to toss aside my teacher hat at that moment. To burn it to ashes, more like. “This is between you and me. I’m just curious.”

“Well…” He pulled me deeper between his legs, opening them wider to accommodate me. His eyes honed on an invisible spot on the wall. This was hard for him. Giving up a secret that wasn’t wholly his. “Where? At Vicious’s place. Every weekend. Guys know better than to come to his parties if they don’t feel like fighting. And still…everyone does. Let’s admit it. This town is fucking boring. We’re all rich, privileged, and desperate to fill in the void.”

“What void?”

“That void. Whether it’s sex or pressure or money. We fight on the tennis court. His father and stepmother never use it, so they never notice the blood stains, which their handyman takes care of during the week.”

That void was familiar. I didn’t want to tell him that I had it, too. The hole in my soul. And that I, too, found a way to fill it. With him.

Suddenly, he snaked one hand behind my back and lowered me along with him to the floor, doing it slowly so I wouldn’t hit my head.