Desolation

“Honey, you know you don’t get a choice right now.”

My eyes go pleadingly to Tyke, who has his fists balled at his sides.

“Tyke,” I whisper. “Please.”

His eyes slice to me, and he steps forward on shaky legs. “He’ll pay for ever putting his hands on you, Pippa.”

Maddox lets me go to let Tyke step up close. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. Then he leans down and whispers into my ear, “No one hurts you. No one.”

Then he presses a soft kiss to my cheek and steps back.

“Let’s ride.”

Maddox nods to Mack and he steps forward, tucking me into his side. I don’t get a chance to cry out, because like the devils they can be, they disappear into the darkness to wreak havoc.

And it’s all my fault.

Fucking freak.

~*~*~*~

THEN – Pippa

There isn’t enough water in the world to wash away horror. No amount of soap. No amount of scrubbing. It won’t leave, no matter how hard you try to clean it off. I’ve scrubbed. I’ve scrubbed until my skin bleeds. It won’t leave. Their blood won’t leave. The images won’t leave. It’s imbedded into a part of my soul I’ll never get back. Forever gone. Forever tarnished.

“Pippa.”

I don’t stop scrubbing. I’ve showered three times, I’ve dressed, and yet I’m still scrubbing. The rough piece of material on my hand goes over and over my arm, tearing off dry skin. The raw flesh that’s left burns, but that isn’t enough to stop me.

“Pippa.”

I can’t stop seeing it—blood, brain matter, scattered everywhere. With gloved hands, Rainer and I had to pick it up. Pick it up. As if it were a simple spill. I vomited so much my stomach started to bleed. I cried so much my eyes burned. But nothing, nothing will take away the images. Nothing will take the feeling that I can still feel in my fingertips—someone else’s body in my palms.

“Jesus, Pippa.”

A hand stops my scrubbing and I look up through tear-stained cheeks to see Rainer staring down at me. His face is empty, but there’s an understanding in his eyes that was never there before. He always hated me, he was always so bitter, but out there today, something changed. Now his hand is gentle on my arm.

“Stop scrubbing,” he whispers. “Please.”

“It won’t leave, Rainer,” I croak. “It won’t leave. Why won’t it leave?”

I start scrubbing again and he gently removes the culprit from my hand and tosses it. I crumble. I fall into a thousand tiny pieces. I’m not as strong as him. I’ll never be as strong as him. What happened out there today? It broke me. Defeat is all that’s left in my tired body. I no longer want to fight. I no longer want to feel. I simply want to die.

“Jesus,” Rainer says again, and then I’m in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around my body.

He’s so strong, so secure, that I never want him to let me go. He rocks me there, just like that, for hours. Other slaves come in and out, rations are thrown in, but he doesn’t let me go. He lets me pour my soul into his, he lets me break—he just holds me until the pieces are surrounding him and there’s nothing left.

I know from that day forward that Rainer is the only man who is ever going to understand me.

CHAPTER FIVE

NOW – Pippa

My knees are tucked to my chin, and I’m sitting on Santana and Maddox’s couch, watching them fuss over me. Maddox didn’t tell Santana all the details of what happened tonight, and I’m grateful for that. Though I have no doubt she has figured it out, considering Maddox has bruised knuckles. They all do. Whatever they did to Liam and Michael, it hurt.

Tyke is standing in the corner of the room, fuming. He won’t come near me; he won’t talk to me. His lip is bleeding and his knuckles are split, but he won’t allow himself to make eye contact. He’s angry with me, and I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t understand where it all went so bad. All I know is that I’m not made for this world—perhaps I never really was.

I’m never going to fit in.

“Tyke!”

I blink as Andi comes rushing into the house and throws herself into Tyke’s arms. His arms go around her, to catch her or just to hold her, I don’t know. She smashes her lips against his and I turn away, pain ripping my heart in two. A soft hand covers mine and I see Santana sit down beside me, her eyes broken for me.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? Maybe a shower?”

I look back to Tyke, and he’s tucking a strand of hair behind Andi’s ear. Who knew something so simple could hurt so much? Tears burn under my eyelids, and something unfamiliar swirls in my belly. I feel frustrated, and my chest is tight. I don’t understand it, and I don’t pretend to want to. All I know is the urge to yell at Tyke and demand to know why he won’t talk to me is overwhelming.

I push to my feet, and I’m moving towards him before I can stop myself. Santana calls my name, but I need to do this. I need to know. When I reach him and Andi, I whisper, “Tyke?”

He turns and stares down at me¸ a mixture of shock and pain in his beautiful features.

“Can we talk?”

His eyes flick to Andi, who is glaring at me. He leans in and says something to her, and then he turns to me. “Yeah.”

I walk outside and he follows me. When the front door closes behind him, I turn.